Im uncomfortable knowing this...

Ballerina123 · 09-05-2017, 10:24 PM

I love the quote "I'm still the same person I was before you knew I had a mental illness"

It's how I want people to think when they meet me and later fine out I have suffer with mh problems.

However today I went I to see my boss at work to sort some paperwork out. At work we ware long sleeves and the lighting (I think) is alway so dull in there so you don't see much anyway.
However, she was waring a t shirt today and I noticed she had self harm scars. Like a lot of them. They were healed and and white, so they had obviously been from a while ago.

I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about it.

It feels odd because she doesn't seem like that kind of person < this is what's bothering me... Why is my head even making this comment. Like seriously, what does a mental health patient look like?

I'm quite annoyed at myself that I think this and that her self harm bothers me.

Also, it has changed how I see her. I'm really annoyed at myself.

I mean I still think she is a great boss and a nice person but now I feel I know a secret about her and I'm not comfortable with that.

Any thoughts on this would be good.
Thanks

HopeRises · 09-05-2017, 10:54 PM

I can definitely understand what your saying but I don't think I have any advice.

Also, I want to say, try not to feel bad about how you're feeling. Yes it goes against that quote and yes, I too would like to think I live by that but tbh there are people in my life where I would feel quiet uncomfortable knowing they had mh/sh issues. idk why, maybe because they are professional people (although most mh professionals have probably suffered from some sort of mh problem)

tiptoes · 09-05-2017, 11:19 PM

It is a nice quote but for me I think a lot of the time its not 100% true. When you learn something new about a person, whatever that maybe there will be some changes to the way you see them. Sometimes they will be barely noticeable, sometimes they will be positive, sometimes they will be negative, sometimes they will be neutral.

What we think of a person is constantly evolving, some of my closest friends now I honestly didn't like when I first met them. It is difficult when you learn things about people you have only really met in a professional capacity you see them almost as their role only and then you learn something and they become a person with all the multifaceted things that come with that.

It can be difficult when a new piece of information makes you question what you do previously know to be true about a person. I think you could cut yourself some slack. We are all imperfectly human.

Arienette · 10-05-2017, 12:00 PM

If she's wearing short sleeves it's probably not much of a secret and she's accepted it as part of her past.

I think being bothered about them is more about you. I don't know what, but maybe there's something it has stirred up for you that isn't making you uncomfortable?

In a DBT frame of mind a good skill to utilise here would be practicing non judgmentalness. About yourself and her.

Ballerina123 · 11-05-2017, 09:23 AM

now I have had a day or 2 of knowing I feel glad I know. It gives hope that she has gone through that and got through it and has a good career now. She is a really nice boss too.
I feel proud of her - even though I dont know her that well (Ive only worked in this job a month).

I think I was just shocked because I have only really seen self harm scars in people I know from the mental health system. I guess it was all just out of the context I was use to. But its goo to see it in this context because it shows that people can move on.

thanks for the replies guys.