And I can get home at the end of a genuinely jolly day and wham, straight to the kitchen. :(
Anyone?
I'm caught up in it all again. I need to look nice for certain events in the future and I need to sort myself out. I'm so mad with myself. But at the same time, not mad enough.
I can't find any clothes that I like. I need to buy more and trying stuff on disgusts me.
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I'm not sure I have much advice to offer but just to let you know that I do the same.
I think part of it may be because your brain's sort of become "programmed" to binge, maybe? For me anyway, I sometimes think I binge even when I'm happy just because it's what I'd normally do when I'm not happy.
Say, for example, I binged for a few days after dinner because I was feeling depressed on those days, even if I stop feeling so down I think it's already in my head by that point that after dinner will be "binge time", so I binge anyway.
Not sure if it'll help, but perhaps try making a plan/timetable of what you're going to do when you get home, and try as hard as you can to stick to it, to see if you can get past that time were you would normally binge?
Try not to be mad at yourself. Being mad might trigger further binges because you feel more unhappy. Forgiving yourself and looking at how to improve future situations will be so much more beneficial to stopping the binges
When you binge on a happy day, can you think of the motivations behind it?
Is it that you enjoy the taste of the food, or that the food is rewarding you in some way? I've found that I can binge even on good days, because sometimes it will begin with "treating myself" and just turn out to be more than that, or that I think I'll get even more pleasure from food so it'll cap off an already good day.
Are you okay with having a good day? Do you think you're trying to sabotage the good day you had?
Ahh, many questions to explore about the motivations behind the binge, what you were thinking and feeling, though I know it's not always easy to gauge.
I know exactly how you feel about being mad but not mad enough. Try forgiving yourself 'randa.... you are so beautiful, and this isn't going to change that either. I'm the same with clothes too, I need more but really don't want to go there.
Be gentle on yourself, be kind. Maybe do a bit of writing and journalling if you can't get to the bottom of your thoughts about binging, I found it helped me to get to some causes I couldn't really see on the surface.
I think it's a combination of the things you've mentioned. Sabotaging good days because they make me feel uncomfortable in a way. Also, just a 'oh I give in. Let's eat' kind of undercurrant - that this is the way I am, the way things are and always will be like you said about being programmed. If that makes sense.
I'm feeling a litte better in bingeing regards. I'm very conscious of my weight but the nurse at my appt today said my mental health is more important than making a big deal of that which is reassuring and actually helps with eating better, I think.
And I've managed to buy some new clothes, so yay to that.
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
