Hi, I haven't been on here in a long time, I'm happy to report I no longer self harm and pretty much I would like to think I'm 'recovered' and am pretty much sort of normal.
I love life now and I have a beautiful fiancée and am getting married in January. I suppose everyone knows where this is going... The dress.
I have scars all down both my arms, from top to bottom and they are very faded now, however they are still visible.
I always wear long sleeves, however over the past few years I will go without sleeves if I'm on holiday, if it's very hot outside or just bumming round the house.
My partner knows my scars are an issue for me and she thinks that I shouldn't have to cover them, as they are a part of me, and she loves all of me and doesn't think I should have to be covered up on my wedding day.
However my family have never seen my scars, and they are coming wedding dress shopping with me! And there are going to be people at my wedding, including work colleagues who have no idea about my past...
I'm stuck in a catch 22 really, I know I'll feel more comfortable in sleeves, however I know my partner would like me without, and also, it is kind of an opportunity to be like 'this is me and my past' and sort of get it out of the way so I'll feel more comfortable every other time I need to go sleeveless, I don't know. But also I don't want everybody gaping at my arms on my wedding day, I want to be comfortable.
I'm so frustrated with this situation and I am dreading going wedding dress shopping and it shouldn't be this way... Help?
Thanks,
Danielle.
~Beauty without intellence, is a materpiece painted on a napkin.~
If there was no pressure from anybody else, what would you like to do?
Perhaps you could tell or show people before you go and try dresses on? Could you turn up at their house in short sleeves and deal with it beforehand? Also, I don't think people will be gawping at your scars. They are there to celebrate your wedding and their eyes aren't going to be magically drawn to your arms! I don't think I even looked at my cousin's arms during her wedding. That would be weird. Would it be possible to wear a dress without sleeves during the ceremony and then put a cardiagn-type thing on for the rest?
Or, you could try make-up to hide them?
Personally, I think you should be yourself. Your scars are part of who you are and I don't think you should have to cover them up for anybody. But I do understand it's hard and you don't want comments ruining your wedding (not that I think that that would happen, but I understand the fear).
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
All I can say is do whatever makes you comfortable. Your fiancee isn't going to see you walk down the aisle and think 'oh no her dress has sleeves' and your family aren't going to be thinking about your scars. You are the one wearing the dress so choose whatever feels right.x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Most wedding dress shops sell shrugs/bolero's. I went sleeveless and found I was too into the whole day (we have a summer fair theme with loads of games, tombola, bouncy castle, face painting etc etc) to even think about it. Same with everyone else - everyone was too busy having fun and getting into the spirit of the day to even notice I think. It totally didn't bother me, and I still cover up my arms now.
Yeah you could have a dress with a shrug/shawl that would cover up some of your arms but not all of them. Or you could pick a dress with lace sleeves. Alternatively there's long white gloves you could wear!
It's your wedding, your day, so you should do what makes you happy :)
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
You can get very good scar specific make-up... I would investigate that... I didn't think that was an option for me so ended up with sleeves for my wedding, which made me comfortable, I don't know though would I have enjoyed being sleeveless if I had given the make up a try before... I'll never know... it's your decision - make it for you x best wishes x
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
You can get very good scar specific make-up... I would investigate that... I didn't think that was an option for me so ended up with sleeves for my wedding, which made me comfortable, I don't know though would I have enjoyed being sleeveless if I had given the make up a try before... I'll never know... it's your decision - make it for you x best wishes x
I've heard the Kat Von D tattoo concealer is very good, I use a make called "Glamoflauge" it really helps with the colour but doesn't do much for the raised scars so it depends how they are on you.
When I went to my Grandad's wedding last year I wore a short sleeve dress with very long 20's style gloves. I just typed long bridal gloves into Google and it seems to be a thing, high end shops like Debenhams and M & S might stock them, or online of course.
Edit: I just noticed Night Circus also mentioned long gloves, but yeah, they can look very classy.
Oh god I want to hear you say,
I want to hear you say that you were wrong again
This is the first thing
I have understood:
Time is the echo of an axe
Within a wood.
