Trigger Warning!!

[lostGirl16]

I cut my arm yesterday and the worst thing about the entire thing is that there was absolutely no trigger at all. And there is no way to even begin to understand why I did it. Trust me, I've tried. I overthink everything and I can't justify why I cut yesterday.

My life isn't going that bad at the moment. I have a current love interest that may love me back. I'm only 16 so please excuse my lovestruck tendencies. But I promised him the other day to stay safe and rest. And now I don't know how or if I should tell him about my relapse. He seems to care a lot. But he lacks consistency.

It was just a few small cuts but I really thought that I made a deal with myself as well as Kalum (said love interest). And I thought that I would be able to stick to it but as it turns out.. I can't.

I'm just disappointed in myself. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to get better.

Is it worth it?

Is living worth dying? Is dying worth living for?

[Pi.R^2]

That's so frustrating to not only have a relapse but also not be able to work out why it happened! Is there a chance that the pressure of this deal you made contributed to it at all?

I believe that you can get better, there's just sometimes a lot of slip-ups along the way!

Was it a pretty impulsive decision to cut then? Maybe have a set of distractions ready to use would be helpful in delaying self harm so that you have more time to properly think about it.

[lozza]

I'm so sorry to hear that you self harmed. Like already mentioned it is quite frustrating when you can't always pin point reasons why we relapse. Sometimes there is no clear cut reason why and sometimes the urge can come from absolutely no where. I can relate to that, I went through it just yesterday. It's hard but but maybe having some distractions ready would be helpful for next time. I myself have a distraction box with a variety of different things in it to do depending on what I feel like doing, I also have in it some fidget toys that I find incredibly helpful for me (keeping my hands busy really helps when the sh urges arise!)

Sometimes writing can also be helpful. It doesn't need to make sense just write out what ever comes to mind. This can sometimes really help and you may even be able to identify what the trigger was, or any patterns that may lead you to want to sh.

I really hope that you are doing ok. I'm thinking of you!