"Making it all up syndrome" attacks

Margo · 24-10-2007, 06:42 PM

Okay so theres no such thing as the above but its what im going to call it.

Today i feel 100% normal. Well as normal as someone who thinks they are a penguin can be.

On days like this i cannot relate to the person who has been ill for so long. On days like this there is no depression. There is no self harm. There is no suicide. There is just...well theres just me and these four walls.

On days like this i get bouts of "making it all up syndrome". This is where i truely believe ive made my illness up. I truely believe i wasnt as bad as i made out. A fraud if you will.

Tomorrow i have my talk with the psych about BPD and the future of my care under her. how can i have care when im ok???

Does anyone else suffer from "making it all up syndrome" ???

Im not talking about feelings that ive made up the events that caused me to feel like this. Im talking about the actual illness. Like it never happened.

Thanks
Matthew xxx

crazywildlazychild · 24-10-2007, 07:13 PM

all the effin time.
x

24-10-2007, 07:26 PM

I do.

Only when I feel that way I feel as if a big part of my life is missing
I want to claw back how I 'think' I felt
I want all the badness back if it was ever there
I dont like the nothingness that nothing brings with it.
Im not whole without those desperate feelings that I think I had

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and will be interested to hear how you get on and the outcome
Much love xx

Amaryllis · 24-10-2007, 07:58 PM

Sometimes I feel like I've made everything up with my dad.

Queen Crabbit · 24-10-2007, 11:14 PM

Yup.

You haven't made it up though. I promise. And this is why Penguins tell Crabbits to write things down because you know that Crabbits do it too. You'll be okay. And at least you know that feeling "okay" isn't so bad.

xxx

Alchemyst · 24-10-2007, 11:24 PM

a million times.... I doubt myself about everything else and am paranoid about every other aspect of myself so why not this too?

xx

pez_barbie · 24-10-2007, 11:30 PM

i recently got told i make all this up its allin my head, then i look at me and my mstly faded scars and think maybe they're right, it cant be all that bad its not really is it? and i dont know which days are the in denial days

Rain Keeper · 25-10-2007, 02:28 AM

I get what you are saying, i am in my own confused little world right now and dont think i could possibly give a coherent answer. but you know what? i like it on days like this , where i see your name opn the boards. I like days like this and i know i aint making that up!

blondiebear · 25-10-2007, 03:54 AM

be glad for a day of peace!

i'm in the last week of my vacation and can't believe how upset i was in the first three weeks. now i'm out in the west i love so much and the upset seems like a fading dream. but then i took an antipsychotic last night and the effects of that might be lingering.

25-10-2007, 04:25 AM

Jekyll Hyde Syndrome more like...

I will explain in more detail to you personally later cause im at work.

Captain Nemo · 25-10-2007, 05:02 AM

Keep a journal, write how you feel on your bad and good days, wait a year, there's your proof. Being stable is a myth. Humans are emotional, changing like the weather. You don't have to be depressed all the time, you won't be happy all the time.

hammy · 25-10-2007, 12:26 PM

you aren't making it all up, but I know what you mean. I often feel like I don't deserve the help I get or I try to push it away because I want to believe there is nothing wrong with me. take care xx

pea soup · 25-10-2007, 04:41 PM

definitely!!!!!!

especially on the days you are describing.
on days when i feel "normal"..i thing to myself.."why am i sitting at home and not out working?" "there is nothing wrong with me!!!"

but THEN......when the bad days come again....i realize there is and that SUCKS!!!!!!

i can relate Matt.

dont have much useful to say though.

i am glad you had a good day yesterday though!!!!!!

much love.
xx

Bitter_Angel · 26-10-2007, 01:18 AM

My reply: hmmmmm
Im sure you know what i mean.

Perhaps Mr. Mathew should revert back to taking some of his own advice, and forget the whole do what I say not what I do thing.

~*forever_broken*~ · 27-10-2007, 03:26 AM

Yep. You're certainly not the only one that's for sure. And they're (in my opinion) worse than the other days...because you doubt yourself...think the worst of yourself...
I'm sorry Matthew...but I TOTALLY know what you're talking about.
Take care sweetie.