I will be making a complaint about it. Leaving a girl locked in the enterance of a building in the middle of the night who is hysterical, in her underwear, with no phone or glasses, completely unaware of what on earth is going on isn't ok. The staff said I was being silly and just walked away. im back in psych. saw the consultant discharge is thursday. Consultant said I was intubated last night. I don't remember that. I think he thinks I'm ill. I don't know why but I struggle to see any of this as illness. im just generally a failure and according to that nurse nuisance.
Awe no poor you juggles sorry to hear you had a rough night how
Comes if they think your unwel they talk about discharge do you think your ready for that xx
I'm not ready for dischargeZ sorry can't sander other question coherently right now but will. There's stuff in my system need support adapt olesee cxxxx
Out of curiosity, what would being ill look or be like to you?
hey,
I assume you mean what would be well look like rather than being ill look like? So I'll answer that because being ill is pretty clear. I want to be stable and functioning. Have a good social life, with friends who don't have loads of drama going on, be able to complete my degree with a 2:1 and move onto an internship and doing my own thing. I want to have interests outside of mental health and stable nights out with friends. I want to write and be good at it. I my family to be stable and the kids to be safe. I want to essentially have fun and be well.
I'm out of hospital now and struggling, essays to write but trying my best. Just feel very alone.
Being ill would be accepting that I'm DID and that isn't my fault. That I've been abused at the hands of others and I didn't cause this. That the dissociation was a clever way of my brain coping that I'm dealing with now and didn't choose. As opposed to being a pain in the arse where the state of things is my fault etc. Interesting way of putting it, that was helpful. I feel like saying I'm ill is almost a validation thing that I don't deserve. It would mean I could give myself a break.
I got a call from the police. My friend who is on section 2 escaped and ran away with no phone, no phone, no where to go. I'm furious with the ward that they didn't stop her (she was on escort) and I'm more than sure that they are going to find her dead. She's determined to die and will have walked to the first bridge she could find. If she's found dead I don't know what I'll do.
i'm really struggling with things and could do with some support. I',m out of hospital, my friend went missing and she was thankfully found but i thought she would be found dead. I've got so so much uni work to do and uni are being supportive but i don't know where to start. I'm getting bad flashbacks of rape and Im scared someone is going to kill me. I've also got access to drugs which i know is terrible but so tempting, i just want to feel even a tiny bit better. I'm scared im going to overdose (on different medication) and i have quite a lot of it. I'm strugglig with the DID diagnosis and different parts are coming out and Im doing what i can to work with it. i passed out during therapy yesterday. im just overwhelmed, scared, alone. i don't feel like i have many people to talk to. I keep losing time and being convinced my dad is going to kill me. i saw my family at the weekend and we're going to try and build a case against my dad and take him to court which is stressing me out. my sister is only 13 and brother is 7 and they are still seeing him and being abused by him. i can't handle it.
just looking for some emotional support please thanks x
Thanks youz drugs are a priblem. In scared. Going to the crisis house: I hope bodies kills me. I'm so intensely ashamed of myself for doing this. I'll be homeless if they find out. It's such complicated stuff. I vadly need help, don't have anywhere to l turn. Love u guys
I'm in a 136 suite with zero recollection of how or why I got here. They keep telling me to try and rest and not think about it for now. I'm scared. They are being very kind to me and we decided that I should be called dory from finding memo because I have the memory of a fish. Only I don't really like the name. FAIL.
I can see why you might not like the name. I hear that you are scared. Would it help to think about what you do know? It must be frustrating to be in a situation you don't know how you ended up in. I don't know much about dissociation but I know that sometimes the more you try to force your brain to recall specific things the more it goes "I don't remember that why are you trying to force me to remember that go away"
Can you ask the people there what they know about how you ended up there?
Turns out I was at the crisis house. I was semi passed out and they tried to bring me around and get me upright for a good 45 minutes but I couldn't walk properly so called for an ambulance. They came, I was unconscious on the floor with tubes down my nose and throat. I came round in the ambulance and essentially kicked off and said I was not going to hospital. They said I had no choice, might have been a capacity issue and how unconscious I had been. We physically fought the whole journey whilst I hysterically cried with two paramedics sat on me. They took me inside a&e and a nurse who really doesn't have time for me took one look at me without taking history and said I could go. I was completely far gone by this point, managed to somehow book a taxi and was outside a&e on the floor having a full on screaming meltdown that dad was going to kill me.
Taxi came, I got in, still screaming. He asked where I wanted to go. I couldn't remember my address and didn't know where I was. He rang his supervisor who told him to take me to a police station. I was still really distressed, police got angry with me and shoved me in the back of one of those cells in the back of vans and then took me out, yelled at me, and told me to stop banging my head. My dad was there and I was still massively distressed. I kept begging everyone not to kill me. Given my behaviour I was put on a section 136 and taken to Becklin. Still convinced dad was there and going to kill me.
No clue what time frame that happened over. I was assessed as fine to go home and that they would contact CMHT which is useless cos I see her once a month anyway. Tbh 136 suite were nice, repeatedkky told me my dad wasn't actually three and no one was going to kill me. I hadn't slept all night, they gave me two lorazepam in a short space of time and expecting (someone like me) to be bouncing on discharge. Again I was semi passed out they more or less carried me to the cab, the cab driver said he wouldn't take me like that, the nurse said I was just tired and it was fine. We got home, I was passed out again, staff rang 999. Paramedics initially couldn't wake me up, I was classed as GCS 3, they put me in the ambulance. I semi came round and repeatedly insisted that under no circumstances I was going to go to hospital whilst trying to sound like I had capacity. Two crews where there, they weren't happy. I tried to explain the non epileptic attack thing, no sleep, loraz, and by some miracle they agreed to help me into my flat. My nose had been bleeding at some point. They were on the verge of changing there minds several times because I couplet stay upright very well. They said if I collapsed on the way upstairs they were taking me in. They said what happens if I become unresponsive again or choke on my vomit and there is no one there. I said I didn't care, cried a bit, said there was no way I was going to a&e after last night.
I've been passed out/asleep whatever until now. Life sucks a bit. Yeah, I'm struggling. I missed a board meeting todsy and have mountains of uni work to do. And my skin is killing because I've had no cream for 24 hours.
So in short I feel like crap. No follow up support has been arranged and I doubt I'll hear from my cpn. I figure if u never leave my bed again then I can't pass out anywhere and it'll all be fine. Do you think it's acceptable that I don't do any uni work today tonight? I'm exhausted and barely know what day it is.
Why were you so resistant about going to A&E? If you'd have gone you would have been looked after and provided with some support, rather than being home alone to deal with the aftermath of what happened.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Because I didn't need to go to a&e. I have non epileptic attacks that don't require hospital treatment. And they also treat you really badly there. A&e is traumatic for me. Isn't that obvious?
I can't stay safe. It was a suicide by overdose. I want to die, now. I just got yelled at by staff for waking them up and I think some other stuff happened that I can't remember. I've already rang the crisis team and anyone else I can think of. I can't cope. I have imminent plans.
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