Can't talk about last night. Going to London. Going to find out what happened & figure out if I want to carry on or not. I'm terrified. But I need to know what year it is & what is real. Yes lots of panic attacks. Hard to concentrate on anything. Shaking. Trying to get things ready for tomorrow.
Ok. Try this for the panic attacks - I don't know about you, but that really helped me when my psych. showed me the technique. It's hard to do when you're right in the middle of an attack though.
Are you sure going to London is the best thing to do? Is there someone who could come with you, or meet you there? Maybe someone who was in your life then and still is now?
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Thank you will try that. I feel like it's something I need to do on my own. Do have a friend down there who was there then but she isn't in London this weekend :/ I feel like it might end badly & I don't want to put anyone through that like I did with that friend.
I know what you mean... I think I was kind of thinking there might be less of a chance of it ending badly if you were with someone. Would that be true or not really?
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
I am a bit confused about what is going on and why you have been triggered into all this now? I think Alisa is very wise when she suggests that you do some breathing exercises and calm yourself from your triggered state. It is impossible to decide upon doing anything when you can't think straight. May be have a bath, do some relaxing breathing, and generally ground yourself...as already suggested.
I can understand how distressed you are feeling and you likely feel out of control but you have the power to regulate your emotions and stop the spirall in a healthy way. There are lots of techniques to ground yourself when feeling dissociated - have you tried any? May be give yourself an hour or two to really try relaxation techniques and if you still feel as anxious and distressed after that you can look again at what you need to do.
Ailsa, I don't think so. I would just find away to get away from them, I don't want to put anyone through that
Cagedbird, I have this idea that if I ground myself then I will wake up and find myself in the middle of being raped because of the flashbacks, I think they are real not flashbacks, yes I try to ground myself but I am terrified, sorry
Do you know what you're going to do when you get to London? I can see you're pretty set on going, and though I don't think it's the best idea at the moment, if you are going to go I think it's necessary to have a plan?
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Leaving tomorrow. Yes I have a plan. I have booked a hotel & bought laptop & taking crisis numbers etc. Will go to hospital if I need to but hopefully not. Have an appointment as soon as I get back. I might go to day hospital then. Plan on taking stuff to distract & hopefully feel better when I know life is not there anymore.
Leaving tomorrow. Yes I have a plan. I have booked a hotel & bought laptop & taking crisis numbers etc. Will go to hospital if I need to but hopefully not. Have an appointment as soon as I get back. I might go to day hospital then. Plan on taking stuff to distract & hopefully feel better when I know life is not there anymore.
Blimey I have to commend your organisation skills. I feel a bit lame, it takes me twenty minutes to decide between a cup of tea or coffee at the moment!
Why did you buy a laptop - did you need another one? I feel that is a bit of a random question considering...but I'm genuinely curious.
I hope that you find what you need and when you are in London are glad you have made the decision to go. I'd suggest waiting to see the therapist before making any rash decisions but it is your life and your choices so best of luck and take care whilst you are away.
Ailsa, I mean that when I get to London (where I lived in 2007) I will see that my life is no longer there and then be able to come home (Leeds) and accept the life I have now.
Cagebird, thank you I have a desktop normally :) I will probably post here whilst I'm there if that is okay. I plan on sorting treatment when I'm back, starting with a decent therapist.
Got here okay, hotel is nice, it feels amazing to be home. I remember London. I feel in control now. It's such a relief. I'm heading out now to visit my old school & house to find out what happened. Wish me luck.
I'm paranoid that the police will be sent for me and I'll get locked up. I am absolutly petrified. They don't understand what is going on and they'll think I am crazy. I wish I had brought my passport with me. I don't know why but I cannot go back. I feel safe here. I can't go back. But they will make me. What am I going to do?
