"credibility" online and mental health diagnoses - what do YOU think?
Does anyone ever feel sidelined by the ever growing "popularity" and online forum 'status symbol' of multiple mental health diagnoses? I know there've been a number of threads about this. But I wanted to address it and explore it from my own perspective.
I am 'Multi Layered' and indeed a trauma-abuse survivor trying to find her way in the world. But the fact is, my official diagnosis is "only" depression, anxiety and "other problems" - I should have asked the psychiatrist more what he meant by that, the 'other problems'. Too late now though, unless I end up referred back for any reason, and I ain't a planning on that!
I'm tired though of navigating the 'sprinklies' that come with my depression - a mixed bag of pick n' mix personality disorder and trauma and dissociation stuff. It doesn't feel that it gives me a hell of a lot of credibility online when everyone else seems to have well defined and distinct diagnoses. Although I know the human psyche isn't like that, and my treatment team don't see it as helpful for me to be defined/packaged/labelled in that way.
I mean. It makes total sense I'd have a whole mix of stuff, what with the very early trauma, the dysfunctional parenting, the abuse, the severe protracted bullying and then whatever else. I had stuff go wrong in each of the developmental stages, so no wonder I'm a bit of this and a bit of that. And at heart I know that I'm a human being, not a list of diagnoses. But just now and again I wish... or maybe I don't...Hmm. Some days I do indeed crave to know.
I just... there's Complex PTSD, which my therapist has verified, along with the "borderline"-attachment disorder stuff, which includes a lot of dependency and avoidance, along with paranoia which is basically very severe anxiety and hyper-vigilance. I've also recently been looking in my therapeutic work at narcissism traits within me.
Plus there's the whole dissociation *thing*.
I've recently been accused, online, of faking DID. I don't believe I've ever said I have DID. Although it does fascinate me where exactly I might be placed on the dissociative spectrum should I have a thorough deep diagnostic work up. I have splits in my personality, which is a fairly common thing in chlidhood trauma and abuse survivors - indeed is a facet of many of the personality disorders, as I've discovered in my research.
I'm just tired of this. I wish I could just say "This is me, Katie, I had a shitty past and it's caused some pretty deep emotional scarring which I'm working through safely with my treatment team." But everywhere a BIG diagnosis seems to be the only way people are taken seriously in certain quarters.
I know also that my shadow side/trauma-abuse split off state, I know that she wants a BIG diagnosis so that she knows who she is, because she is so insecure and unsure, she needs something solid to define her.
In my adult mind I know that it is most helpful to explore and work with what I deal with in the context of being complex defence mechanisms I developed over the years to help me survive, and which cause dysfunction in my life now.
But then I reach out for connection and support online, and I don't feel wholehearted acceptance in some online communities unless I could say *hand on heart* "a psychiatrist [not a therapist] has diagnosed me with this and this and this."
Or is this just my skewed perspective?
I just want to clarify that I'm NOT making it up that things are more complex than depression. It's 'just' that noone's ever officially label-wise medically defined exactly what. Even though the psychiatrist said 'other problems', plus anxiety and panic, the letter to my GP only mentioned depression.
I find it most frustrating - although in some ways I'm lucky - because it seems that online people so often think I'm MAKING IT UP and I so am not. I so totally am not.
Then I fall into the self doubt and denial and "there's nothing wrong with me." when there clearly is, and it's clearly more complex than depression - unless dissociative flashbacks are suddenly included in the diagnostic criteria!
Hi. From reading this I think that it's not just that you want to know what we think about multiple diagnoses and credibility online, but that you need some validation and people to say we don't think you're faking it. I think I would want that too, if I were you. In fact, I frequently do.
When I read threads about people who say there's loads of people with psychotic experiences now, I want to stand up and scream "You mean me, don't you?! You think I'm doing it to myself!" Maybe that's because I'm confused about what's going on with me, or because I don't have a psychosis spectrum illness. My discharge letters from hospital always read "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder; Borderline Type". I also have C-PTSD but we don't really talk about the diagnoses.
I don't think you're faking DID for one second. Life just isn't that black and white. You, like me, have never claimed to have DID but recognise that all of us have different sides to ourselves. Split-off parts of the personality. Sometimes those sides take on a bit of a life of their own and are harder to connect to ourselves, if we've had a lot of trauma in our lives.I would guess that the people accusing you of faking DID are insecure in their own diagnosis and perhaps have had an experience of being disbelieved and invalidated themselves.
I don't think there is a 100% "non-DID", just like I don't think there's a "non-BPD" and so on. We all display elements of things. My old therapist once said to me that some therapists think everyone's a bit psychotic.
Stick with your integrity, Katie. It's something nobody can ever take from you. Integrity and autonomy are the two things holding me together at the moment. They're ours to keep.
I see people taking you very seriously here on RYL. I think they connect with you a lot because you're very real.
One day you will be able to say "This is me. Katie".
Like you both said, life's a lot more complicated than a label... there have been times when I've wanted a diagnosis because I thought it would bring some sort of answer - but now I realise it doesn't. It can be a way of getting the help you need, but if you're happy with your treatment team then that isn't a problem. And the danger is that your diagnosis gets so tied up in your identity you can never leave it behind.
Carry on being you, anyone who gives you a hard time about it is responding to their own issues, not yours
>I've recently been accused, online, of faking DID
I get accused for faking any kind of mental illness at all. And I don't mean online. My medical team currently are very keen for me to accept I do not have any mental illnesses at all. The current 'wisdom' is how I don't react correctly to what I say I experience to experience it.
Which says a lot about them doesn't it?!
Anyway, I wanted to say that for you, and me, no-one knows what you go through but you. No-one. Who's to say if you saw a psychiatrist they would diagnose you with anything anyway? My point is, you don't need a diagnosis for online support. It should be governed by what you experience. Not a label someone has applied. If your therapist has suggested things to you a doctor hasn't then you don't have to tell anyone a therapist diagnosed you. Afterall you have spent far more time with the therapist.
Out of interest, maybe you should ask yourself what would a diagnosis mean for Katie? (don't feel you have to respond on thread but certainly think about it)
I hope this makes sense. Sorry if not!
Last edited by Becca : 26-07-2009 at 06:34 PM.
Reason: add claify on qwestion
Laura, thank you so much for your perceptive comments. Thank you for speaking up for the 'better part of me'. I'm also touched that you acknowledge my integrity. One of my ex course tutors also said that I have integrity, and it means a lot to me when it's recognised - especially after having been called 'fake' and accused of having fake feelings.
And, you are right, people do take me seriously here. That means such a lot to me. RYL is one site where my skills and qualities have been valued and accepted.
Tokoloshe, thank you for the reminder.
And thank you Becca - wise as always. What would a diagnosis mean for Katie? That takes some pondering. I'll probably come back to you on that. Just now, I'm thinking how depression and anxiety is enough for her. She knows the sources, and she knows how Katrina can indeed be a manifestation of Depressed Mind. [Think Gothic Princess...] Depression can be a crucible that contains all.
Yet Katrina says "But who listens to someone with depression? We're not interesting enough then..." And a tongue in cheek response to that is "of course you're not interesting when you're so bleak and blank and numb my mind, sweetie."... but, more seriously.. "your pain and your genesis interests me, because I must live around it, contain it, love it gently and firmly."
I know the forum you mean, Irene. Not been to that one since Christmas, but so many are similar. You're right, I'm lucky. And thank you so much for the acknowledgement and reassurance. It means so so much to me to be seen as genuine right now, it really does.
And I've just started reading up on the Jungian perspective on depression. Makes a lot of sense in relation to my assorted Stuff... and I'm thinking "why don't they tell you all these perspectives when they diagnose you, hm?" But the answer is because finding out for myself is so much more precious.
Instead of a list of diagnoses, I can genuinely introduce myself thus "I'm Katie, and I am intelligent, sensitive and genuine. I can be quite vulnerable, and I struggle intensely with my self-hatred and some bad memories."
According to the DSM-IV, depression is categorized as a mood disorder. The word mood derives from the German Mut , which means spirit or soul. The word disorder derives from the old French word désordere meaning out of line, chaotic. So, mood disorder literally means chaos of the soul. The implications of this go far beyond the medical model’s view of illness. What is chaos of ones soul?
If we were to define ourselves by diagnosis alone,we would be in a sad state.We are each and all unique and our life experiences shape us ,whatever happens to our minds along the way,who knows .We become dysfunctional at times and might need some help,psychiatrists put a label on us even though that label encapsulates millions of us .How can you be compared to a list of symptoms ,they are only guidelines.More often than not ,yes we are diagnosed ,but what does it really mean ?? Inside we are still the same person ,with perhaps more facets to contemplate .Its even quite hard to get a straight answer when we request this diagnosis ,we are just people trying to get along .I wouldnt worry about labels or others opinions when they cant tell by an online persona ,what you truely are inside.
I hate those "people are faking it" threads. How could you ever know if someone online was faking DID, psychosis, or whatever? Why can't people just take what's said and not try to overanalyze it? *hugs* So I can sympathize with you there. and as for trying to get a diagnosis, i also wish mine was clear cut. but like said, you're not a label. you're YOU with YOUR experiences.
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