Yeah, you need to be in the right place for therapy. I believe you'll get through this. Keep being honest with CMHT even if it feels like they're not listening. I urge you to fight the men and not get sucked into the other world, even if in some way it seems more attractive than this, reality.
Last edited by tamobhuuta : 24-03-2024 at 04:32 PM.
Reason: Sp
It's hard not to get sucked into the other world when the men are persistent and this world is becoming harder to manage and I'm losing a lot of daily skills etc. I feel like no one is willing to try and help me. I phoned Duty twice today but each time they hung up on me. I don't know how to get through the days until I see my psych. And I'm putting a lot on this appointment but I will end up with no reasonable conclusion to it whatever that would be.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Something that took me a long time to learn, and that I still sometimes struggle to remember, is that psychiatry and medication is only one aspect of mental health. It's easy to feel dismissed when people suggest distractions or coping skills, but learning to utilise those things can be really helpful. They won't always be useful but the more they're practised the easier they will become. You've spoken about your CPN suggesting things like cleaning or changing your routine - could it be that he's recognising that the way things are isn't working for you, and trying to help you begin to slowly make positive changes? I know that it can be helpful to talk about things that are going on too, so maybe there's a balance to be found there.
It sounds like you've got a lot riding on your psych appointment and of course it's important, but it's not the only important thing. It may well be that medication can't completely 'fix' the problems you're having because brains are complicated things and everyone is different. Do you have a recovery college where you are? I've been looking at courses for myself and it could be a good way to socialise and learn some new skills, if it's an option for you. Or maybe something like the Hearing Voices Network - they have online and face to face groups all over the world.
I know things feel horribly stuck right now but there are ways through this, and it will be worth the hard work to get there.
Last edited by Elmer : 24-03-2024 at 05:37 PM.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I have ways of managing but I'm dying and struggling to do a lot of the things I used to do. I am trying to do other things like tidying. I don't know what changes I can make because I try to do all my tasks and all the things that used to interest me and there aren't many opportunities to try new things or I can't find things that interest me. There is no recovery college here.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I really can't do this any more. I don't know what I'll do if the outcome of my psych appoint is just my psych telling me to cope. I can't cope. And is trying to cope all I will ever be doing? There's no one I can get support from right now. Hardly anyone is here now, my CPN is off for ages, and Duty is going to voicemail. I feel so alone. The MH services in my area are lacking as are other groups and activities. There is nothing to look forward to in life. Nothing is going to make things better. I have never really lived. I can't ever live if I feel so awful all the time and am restricted with what I can manage, I don't know what living actually looks like anyway.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Music is making me feel worse now and I can't find any new music I like. All things I used to feel ok about have been taken away from me and made bad. Housework used to be ok. Now it is comprised of numerous difficult steps for each task. Antidepressants aren't helping my mood enough. I will never be ok. I'm back to struggling with all noises again. I can clearly see myself going backwards but no one can help me or would try to help me. One week and one day until my psych appointment. He will do nothing. I need different, more powerful meds. My current meds aren't helping enough. I wish he could see that and help me. I've tried therapy many times. I need chemicals to alter my brain. I can feel the distress and depression in my brain as a physical thing. Surely there are other med combinations I can try. I can't go on like this. I wish I had someone to talk to but feel like there is no point in phoning Duty. I don't want to be alive any more. Nothing helps. I am trapped in this pain. No one cares about me. They just let me suffer because I have EUPD. Why does no one care? Why all the judgements? I can't stand this. I should have had an appointment with my psych a long time ago but I am worthless and easily pushed to the side. I can see it in the way other people get good treatment and support. How do I get through one week and one day? How do I then get through the disappointment after I see my psych and he doesn't help me? Everything is so hopeless.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You're not annoying me. Sorry I have no advice. Getting the right meds and learning to cope with anything that's left with therapy can be life transforming so I'm going to keep saying don't give up.
Everything is annoying me and I am becoming a horrible person. Some of the bigger birds keep pulling down the feeders and I feel like just not bothering to put out food any more. Walking to the chemist used to be ok but now it feels really long. Everything is getting worse for me. I want to try different antidepressants and a different antipsychotic but be allowed to go back on my current ones if things get worse. I want to have more control over what treatment I have. I'd need these changes to be done in hospital with a flexible admission length but I never like to mention hospital. My psych probably won't want to change my meds anyway but I feel stuck like this. I still don't know if I can make myself be understood. I feel like it's too difficult and I shouldn't say much to my psych. I've not bothered trying to get through to Duty today and they will be finishing soon anyway. I can't imagine reaching out to friends. I need someone to reassure me. I am pathetic. I will never have close friends or a boyfriend and I don't think I really want them because it's too much being around people. I am alone so much of the time.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
What's happening with your CPN (sorry if I've missed anything). I wonder if they could come to your psych appointment with you. It sounds like you have an idea for what might help so there's no harm in strongly asking for that - it's worth a try.
My CPN has been off for a while. My next appointment with him coincides with my appointment with my psych but half an hour later so he could maybe come with me although it's in the health centre and my appointment with my CPN would be at home so he might not be able to go to the health centre if he has other people to see in my area but I feel like he doesn't understand me enough and I'd hate to have to fight for treatment in front of two people. I feel very awful and judged for expressing what I think needs to happen.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm not sure. They keep changing. I don't know if I can fight, I keep switching between thinking I will be honest and also say I need a proper med review and then thinking I just can't do it and I will say what I can and just let him do whatever or not do anything, whatever he wants. I am a weak wimp and can't fight for myself but I'm also too weak to look into getting an advocate because I'd then feel like professionals would think I'm trying to tell them that I deserve for them to be doing more for me than they are and I don't think that. I'm struggling so much I have been thinking about turning to alcohol but really hope I won't do that.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Don't give up! You are worthy of help and health. It seems that, although you've known services a long time, this psych and cpn might not know you very well yet, and so even more so it's totally legit to tell them anything you think might help. They might not agree but at least you'll have tried.
I think I've been waiting for this appointment for so long that my fight has run out. If it had been on time I might have felt more able to say something.
My brother didn't say thanks for the Easter egg I got him. He doesn't need me in his life. I just make it worse. Crookshanks doesn't love me, he transferred his affection very quickly to the cat sitter when I was in hospital. No one loves me. I don't have any friends who make me feel ok any more. I would be better off dead. I need to figure it out.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm sure this isn't your intention but it feels like you're planning to not say the things almost as a punishment to your psych for not having the appointment sooner. Or more, saying that you would have felt more able to talk if it had been on time is absolving you of the responsibility over whether you say something. But ultimately this is on you. I know it's hard but going in there planning not say anything is a complete waste of your time and will only lead to you feeling rubbish afterwards.
Oh no, I'm definitely not meaning it as a punishment to my psych. It's just I've been waiting for so long that my 'strength' is failing. I want to say as much as I'm able but there's a feeling like I just can't find it in me any more. I have written things anyway which I will give to him or read to him but I am scared to mention that I'd like my meds properly reviewed. I feel like he'll think I'm telling him what to do.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Advice and opinions needed about a couple of things, please.
For a while I have been feeling trapped in TOO MUCH sensory wise mostly. Noises especially. I am getting upset and irritated a lot of the time by noises around me and inside me and they are all uncontrollable and I don't know how to manage. My tinnitus is bothering me and it usually doesn't. The noises my cat makes, the birds, the footballers on the pitch behind my house, my neighbours talking (quietly) in their house, people talking outside my house, the men (also quiet). Music has started to upset me, any kind of music and even white noise so I can't put something on in the background to try and isolate one kind of noise. I can watch the TV if it is time for me to watch the TV and I am interested in something. I don't want to have it on all day. My hair touching my ears makes me upset. Now the feeling of my cat sitting on me or me touching my cat is a horrible and also upsetting sensation and I have never felt like that before. Does anyone know how I can cope with all this?
I'm seeing my psych on Friday. As I have said before I would like my meds properly reviewed. Duty before has said me getting annoyed by my tinnitus is a sign of me becoming more unwell and I think I am going backwards. I will mention to my psych that I'd like a med review but a big part of me thinks I couldn't cope with coming off things outwith hospital and I'd also find an admission helpful with the sensory stuff which might sound strange because hospitals can be noisy places but it's easier to get support and some of the noises that annoy me are eliminated. Do you think I am wrong for 'wanting' to have things reviewed in hospital? If it objectively looks wrong then I won't mention it to my psych, even if people think it's reasonable I think I would still have a hard time mentioning it. I feel like because I have EUPD people think I just want to be in hospital all the time for the hell of it which is not the case. Before I was admitted for 10 days in February I hadn't been in hospital for over 2 years. I just know that it can be helpful for some things.
Sorry for rambling.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't know if this is bordering on medical advice but it might be worth asking if the sensory intolerance and irritability are related to your medication. I remember when I was on lurasidone I had some similar issues. I found that breathing exercises helped a little because they didn't involve any external stimulation. I also did a lot of lying in a dark room. It sucks but it passed with a medication change. I know thats not ideal, I'm sorry I don't have more helpful advice.
I don't think you have anything to lose by asking for a medication change/review in hospital - the worst they can do is say no, and if you are able to articulate why it might be helpful and how much you are struggling they may well understand why it could be helpful.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Thank you. I didn't consider it could be related to the Lurasidone but I think it did probably start while I am on it and has got worse with the increase. I think I do want a medication change because of this but I am also terrified of coming off it and how I'll feel during the process which is why I'd rather be in hospital if he agrees to some changes. I'm thinking maybe I should just accept how things are in case they get worse with changes. I am really scared. I don't think I can keep going with how things are though.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
