Christmas and bed

[not_so_insig]

I am spending Christmas with my parents. Normally that isn't a problem but am worried about Christmas triggering my bed. Because my mum tends to leave nibbles out over Christmas and it's easy just to pick at them and therefore eat a lot. My dad then has a go at me for being greedy over food (especially as my mum does a lot of buffets over Christmas which has enough food to feed the 5000) which in turn leads me to restrict my fluid intake as a way of coping. If my parents see me not eating then they have a go but it's easier for my fluid intake to be restricted/go unnoticed hence why my fluid intake goes to pot. It's a lot easier at home where I feel more in in control. Help?!

[Elmer]

I think for me it's about boundaries (thanks, therapy). It's your body, it's your business what you put into it. Do they know your ED history? Could you remind them that you're doing your best to nourish yourself in a healthy way (and it's Christmas)? If not, flat out tell them that comments about your body and your food are unhelpful, and likely to do more harm than good. If they keep overstepping, remember it's your body and you are doing what's best for it. Only you know what that is. (And generally, doing what's best for you and your body isn't refusing tasty food at times of celebration in favour of broccoli)

It's really, really hard to keep hold of that, and I know restricting fluids is a coping mechanism for you, but can you try to remind yourself of how unwell you will feel, even after you're home, and how taking care of yourself will be harder, and doing things you enjoy will be harder?

[not_so_insig]

No my parents don't know about my ED history. They are of the mindset that fat (which I am clinically speaking) people can't have an ed. They don't understand my mh problems at the best of times and have a go at me for that. My mum isn't that bad EDwise it's my dad who simply sees me as being greedy. He often says things like "control yourself" when it comes to food. He doesn't do the same when it comes to liquids and as far as my parents are concerned as long as I drink at meals no matter how little they're happy.

Thanks for your wise words Elmer. I have let myself feel very unwell physically due to lack of enough fluids before (deliberately). I will try and enjoy the holidays based on your advice. I think I would be a lot better ed wise if my mum didn't have nibbles out all the time but my dad enjoys them hence why they're out.

[Elmer]

Ah, it’s so hard when family refuses to understand. I guess just keep doing what’s best for you in the safest way you can, because as I said it’s your body and nobody gets to police what you put into it. Body size does not dictate who is/isn’t allowed to enjoy food.

[Auror.]

I'm sorry your parents aren't understanding or supportive. I'm guessing that also means there's no way to compromise re the leaving food out, like asking for it to just be left in a cabinet or drawer so it's not out in sight?

Re drinking enough, do you have your own space at all? If so, can you keep a water bottle or glass in there to refill so you're at least drinking something then?

Sorry I don't have better thoughts or suggestions. But the only good thing is that even if time with family like this is hard, it will only be for a bit. It is temporary.

[glitterfairy]

Is it just you and your parents at Christmas?

Could you put some boundaries in place yourself such as two plates of food off the buffet then I'm going to have a drink? Then don't go back unless you generally feeling hungry or for pudding and then that's it?

[not_so_insig]

Thanks everyone for their replies.

Camden there's no way my parents would not have nibbles out. I have my own bedroom there and there's a fridge full of drinks (alcoholic and non alcoholic) which i can help myself anytime. But my parents don't take much notice of how many drinks go hence why it's only noticeable at meal times. My dad also asks several times a day if I want an coffee but if I say no then the issue isn't forced.

glitterfairy it's just me, my brother and my parents over Christmas. Prior to covid we would have my aunt and uncle at some point or we would go to their house. I will try to put in place some boundaries. I am taking an sketchbook/drawing set and a games console plus games with me so that if my bed kicks in I am tempted not to eat above what my parents consider normal. My brother doesn't criticise me about my eating habits even though he doesn't know about my ed either. My parents are aware that I am on an antipsychotic which makes me hungry but it doesn't stop the remarks.

[glitterfairy]

How it go?

[not_so_insig]

It's going ok so far. Mostly left the nibbles alone. OK I had some but not enough to warrant criticism from my dad. I have been refusing dessert because I am full rather than if my bed was in control then I would eat until I felt ill. I am having dessert though just hours later.

My drinking is currently not restricted and although not as much as if I were at home I am not deliberately going thirsty. I am not feeling the physical effects of being dehydrated currently.

Thanks for asking glitterfairy.

[Auror.]

I'm glad your parents are mostly leaving you alone and that you're not feeling physically unwell. When do you go home?

[not_so_insig]

I don't go home until January but I am going to be back early next year for a few days due to having new flooring in my living room in my flat. Everything gotta be shoved in the bedroom so there won't be any space for me to stay so that will be trying.

[not_so_insig]

Managed to survive Christmas without any comments from my dad about "control yourself". In fact he didn't mention anything about my eating at all. Drank outside meals and didnt allow myself to get dehydrated.

I still have the few days to get through when I have my new flooring but I am at my flat until then. I can manage my drinking and tbh it is a tiny bit triggering the amount of chocolate that I had for Christmas. But as long as I don't start a box then I will be ok.

[Auror.]

That sounds positive that you were able to make it through and your dad didn't make comments! Hopefully being at home even just for a few days helps to have a break. Do you know how long the flooring will take?

[not_so_insig]

It should take 2 days for them to fit it but I have to get as much of the stuff out of my living room and get rid of the carpet so I will be away from my flat for 4 days. Then it will take another day to put things back and reconnect the TV. My parents are helping me though.

[Auror.]

I hope it goes as planned and things go okay staying with your parents again.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks for the wishes Camden. I am at my parents house now and so far it's going ok ed wise. Mh wise I am not so great however.

[Auror.]

I know this is the ed board, but don't be afraid to talk here or create a thread in a different board if you need to!

[not_so_insig]

Thanks for the reminder.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks to everyone that responded. I am back in my flat and the work is complete. However I did have to endure one comment from my dad about my eating.

[Auror.]

Glad to hear it's finished and you can be home now :)