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feeltherain · 09-06-2012, 07:10 AM

So, My dad is kind of a butt. I was sitting on my computer, like I always do to relax, and he came into my room. First he wanted to know if the clothing on my desk chair was dirty or clean. When I told him it was clean, he got all upset that it wasn't put away yet. {yeah, like I have time working 7AM to 7PM Monday through Friday} So, I told him I was going to do it in a second. Well, apparently, a second wasn't good enough, so then I get a lecture about how I'm trashing out his room. I kind of got smart back, so I guess it's my fault, but he tried to kick me and told me to basically get out of the house. (He always does that. I was glad he had something in his hands, because then he couldn't try to hit me.) I'm also a slob who muddles in misery and ruins the relationship between him and my mom.

So, I put away all the laundry, and left the house. I tried to call everyone who would answer their phones, and even those people who I knew wouldn't. I didn't get a reply from anyone, so I just ended up driving around trying not to do anything. I finally got a reply from my ex which said, "You're so dense. I've never met anyone with so much self pitty. Can you not do anything for yourself or do you just refuse to? Grow up; stop rolling over like a weakling and live for yourself." That pretty much was the last straw of the night.

I ended up SIing in the end. I just feel like no one really cares and that I'm a horrible person. I want to leave this place and get out on my own, but I can't afford it.

I did basic first aid on my wounds, and am trying to keep calm right now... I just feel really bad because this is the first time in a while that I've done SI. I guess I needed it, but I don't really have a support system, so I'm stuck with myself... =-(

xxhappydaysxx · 09-06-2012, 05:35 PM

Hey,

That sounds like a lot of stress and pressures for one night. Is there anyone you can try and talk to about your Dad?

Try not to worry about self harming, when its your coping mechanism for so long its hard not to go back to it, however try and focus on how far you have come, in not doing it. what helped you stop in the first place? Can you put some of those stragegies in place again to try and not let yourself go back to SIing frequently again?

LilMissEmma · 09-06-2012, 06:26 PM

Your dad sounds like a bit of a ********. I can completely empathise with you though, cos my dad used to hit me and my little brother something terrible, until I moved out (I was given supported housing to get me out of there) and my brother started hitting back, though that doesn't always stop him :/ I guess I'm just trying to emphasise that I do understand how you are feeling, and that you are not alone.

Quitting self harm isn't an easy task, and blips will and do happen. Don't beat yourself up over it.

PassedExpectations · 10-06-2012, 01:35 AM

how was your day today? it sounds like yesterday was pretty terrible. i hope that today was better.

feeltherain · 12-06-2012, 02:13 AM

Happy Days - Yeah, it was a lot of stress and pressure. There's no one really to talk about my dad to. My mom's given up on the situation.

The main thing that helped me stop in the first place was wanting to do so, and proving to myself I could. I know I can do it, but it's just going to be harder now.

Thanks Lil Miss Emma. :)

Passed Expectations - I'm better today. I've been kind of tired since SIing which is normal.

He's not been as bad now that he got that out, but I'm still kind of done with the whole situation.