spiraling

[one_step_closer]

No wonder you are worried about your therapist going on maternity leave, what happened with your last therapist must have been quite distressing. I know what it's like to feel dependent on one person more than others and it can seem like you wouldn't be able to cope without them but when I've been discharged or transferred to other people etc I have always managed to adjust with time. I'd hope that you could adjust to your therapist being off for a while and also that she will come back and you can continue with things. How do you get on with your psychiatrist? I know it's not the same as having therapy though.

Is the empty feeling uncomfortable? I can also relate to that feeling, I sometimes think that emptiness is more painful than being distressed in whatever way that makes sense. Do you connect to anything or anyone if you try to get involved in things?

[milomushi]

I had therapy today and it brought up feelings but I just cried and could not verbalize anything being wrong. The horseback riding seems to give me a reset and I feel a little better for a day or so.

[one_step_closer]

Are there other ways you can express things being wrong rather than trying to verbalise them? It's good that the horse riding offers you a bit of relief, is there anything additional you could be doing with the horses or something else that might be of interest to you?

[milomushi]

I wound up having a meltdown at the psychiatrist office and almost freaked out because they did not know that their door was locked and I thought they were no-showing me. I am so triggered by and reactive to what my clients are going through. It feels like I will never be successful in this field. Today I worked with horses in the morning but then came home alone and have been obsessing for the last 4 hours. I can't turn it off.

[one_step_closer]

Things sound really distressing for you right now, especially since you are still supporting your clients. Have you spoken to your supervisor again or anyone involved in your treatment? Is it important for you to work in this field? How have the past couple of days been?

[milomushi]

I'm still struggling with the obsessions. I have therapy tomorrow.

[one_step_closer]

Obsessions can be very distressing and hard not to act on, you're doing so well to keep going. How was therapy? How are you now?

[milomushi]

I'm struggling now and working with the horses is not making me feel any better. My therapist is now on maternity leave and I feel like I have nowhere for my anxiety to go.

[one_step_closer]

Have you been talking to your psychiatrist about how things are now that your therapist is on maternity leave? What anxiety do you have and what does it feel like?

[milomushi]

Things have been pretty stable for a while now but for medical reasons I have had to discontinue the medication that stabilized me last year. I feel like I will be just waiting for things to crash now. I am not sure what I can do to stop it.

[one_step_closer]

That's a shame. I can understand your concerns but they might not happen. Are you on another medication and do you have some support from people? I know it's really hard not to worry but that will only make things worse. What has helped you other than the med you were on? Keep doing those things, as long as they're safe.