I have type one diabetes. Just take it one day at a time and do whatever you can to mske yourself as comfortable as possible. For me, this means taking my insulin.
^ I'm also a type one diabetic. Yes it's lifelong and incurable but there are much worse things to have to deal with (although that's not always my outlook...)
Bellatrix - can your doctors not do anything to improve your symptoms? If you're really struggling to cope then there must be something more that can be done? What about support groups for your condition? Won't help with your symptoms but it might help you to talk to other people going through the same thing.
Well I found the way to go was to stand outside of what was happening to me. Not in a dissociative way. I perceived what was going on but I stepped back emotionally and didn't overreact. Fear and panic can do more harm than the illness.
As I stepped back, things sort of took their own course in serendipitous fashion. I was losing vision and hearing and 3 doctors were stumped. Then one day I randomly ran into someone who once had similar problems. I went to their doctor. He knew what was up right away. I had a five year path to wellness ahead of me but ended-up in best shape of my life and better for the wear.
One thing you don't want to discount is the role emotion can play in illnesses. If you ever tried to fix something and gave up in frustration - just to come back latter and find the fix easy - then you know how frustration and upset can impede balance and utility. Being too upset with problems makes them worse. Of course there are natural stresses and apprehensions but you learn to notice them without falling into them and struggling.
Some people get "conversion" illnesses from some trauma. A shock can cause lose of vision, speech, neurological disorders etc. Years latter people can regain health just as suddenly. A person out of balance can find their immune system turning on them. Studies have shown this.
You want to be careful of feeling too morbid and despairing. You've actually been pretty good at not getting too down. I think if you ever really healed emotionally (and digging around too much doesn't help - the trick is learning how to "defocus" and not endlessly refocus) you might be surprised where that can lead. Emotionally you've never resolved some things. Alas a way to resolve them is to stop trying
That's not matter of huffing and puffing and willfully trying to heal. Healing is natural when things are taken out of the way. Struggling with past and future is debilitating. Nobody has to "beat" their problems. They just learn how not to lose. The body and mind has miraculous properties just like it has destructive aspects when something gets bent.
You've been through so much and kept going that I suspect you're more of a survivor than you can see at the mo. What you chose to believe is key. You don't have to decide if you'll get well or be cursed. Feelings and thoughts can lie and you've been hurt by that. Thinking, reacting, analysing, reacting, struggling reacting, remembering reacting, forgetting reacting etc is the glue that keeps psychic chains in place. Its like driving with breaks on. There are ways to learn how to let go but thats another write up. You're not hopeless and don't get tangled-up in that idea
Asked what the protocol was for admitting yourself to hospital for pain relief while they work out what's wrong.
"Oh, yeah your GP does that. Take some paracetamol, it's really good for back pain."
There are literally no words
I can't access out of hours medicine. My history is too long and complex so they can they can't help me. A&E will not give me anything because it's too complex and the person over seeing me care needs to do it. THERE IS NO PERSON OVERSEEING MY CARE. I am the one doing it.
I'm so ****ing g not able to cope.
I just have to stay alive til 8am then wait for a call back from my GP and hopefully he can help me.
Sorry no one seems to be offering you anything immediately helpful. I hope you can get through tonight ok and your GP does something useful for you tomorrow.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I really want to hurt myself, bad, to have some sort of control over pain again. I'm on my own. I don't know if I can hold on. It'd be throwing away 2 years of hard work but who the **** cares? I'm in too much pain to think rationally
Lovely please keep fighting. Two years is awesome. Hold onto that. You can fight this. I know it’s so hard and I acknowledge your pain. It’s unfair, but hopefully your gp will be able to help you. Hold onto those two years and what you have achieved.
Sweetie, you don't deserve more pain on top of the shed load you're already feeling. Your body needs care not more injury to try and repair. Is J around to help you keep safe? xx
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
I'm desperately tired. I've only been sleeping a couple of hours at a time. Everyone I nod off I'm woken by the sharp pain in my hip.
I've taken every OTC pain killer, plus my prescription. And I've had edible cannabis. In slightly more comfortable, mostly because my muscles have relaxed a bit. I still have breakthrough pain that is severe and nothing is touching.
I can't wait until the pain clinic. I know that's selfish and inpatient. I know there are people in more need and I should just wait. But it could be months. I cannot stay alive like this for that long.
I keep thinking about suicide, and I'm a 'high risk' vulnerable adult, literally coordinating my entire medical life. I'm not capable, qualified or physically able to physically do it. If I am a vulnerable adult, why am I not being helped?
I just want it to be better, just a bit so I can sleep. I just want to sleep
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