Mildly Triggering (ED) - Is this actually a problem?

[when.will.it.end]

The thought ‘I’ve probably been diagnosable as bulimic at some point over the last three years’ hit me out of nowhere, which got me thinking.

Just because you don’t make yourself sick doesn’t mean that you aren’t bulimic. As I was looking through my behavior over it became apparent that I have been taking part in the ‘compensatory’ behaviors thing in different forms since I was 17. Interesting. Over-exercise, then restricting, then laxatives. I haven’t really noticed any of this stuff until today.

Self harm, depression, ODing and sui have always completely dominated any attention my mental health got. Psych’s have asked me about my eating before but I never made myself sick or was under weight and always said my eating was fine, I thought it was.

When it started I had strong urges to eat and eat which I did every night, I was extremely critical of my body and very self-conscious about my weight, was dancing 6 hours a day and swimming a bit as well; does this count? I also tried to make myself sick a lot (but never actually managed it). When I left dance I binged sooo badly for 6 months, then moved away and did everything I could to not eat but would always binge in the end so any weight I lost would be back on (plus I think my metabolism was screwed) and after that I started using laxatives, probably ‘too’ much.

This all concerns me because I want to take it seriously but what doctor is going to care? Is it even a problem, am I just making a big deal out of nothing?

I find it very hard to control my eating patterns, have a very distorted image of my body and would still happily be thinner and am certain that I need to be in order to be completely happy and don’t have a natural sense of what’s normal eating-wise.

After I was in hospital for suicidal stuff I was so adamant that I didn’t want to fit an ED diagnosis because I know what I’m like, I knew that if I started I wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t go through being addicted to something like that again. So I always made sure I ate and didn’t make myself sick, hoping that I would be NOT have issues with food. Argh.

Sorry this was so long, thanks for reading. Any advice on what the hell to do with this would be great. I’m officially freaked

[Lil'MissLaLa]

I think youve answered your own question to be honest, I mean, you recognise these behaviours aren't 'normal' and theyre obviously making an impact on your life, so I'd say yes, you do have some issues around food. Im no doctor, but even if you didnt fit into the strict criteria of bulimia, chances are you may fall into the ednos criteria? The best thing to do would be to talk it through with your dr, and any good dr isnt going to turn around and tell you it doesnt matter.
x

[Psiren]

It is a problem. Any form of disordered eating is a problem and a doctor should take you seriously. If one doesn't then go to another one because you do need the help.
Like Dani said, even if you don't fit the criteria for bulimia right now you will fit the criteria for EDNOS, which is just as serious and just as much of an eating disorder as the more recognised ones.

Can you try to reach out for some professional help for this? It sounds like you need it and it will do you a lot of good.
Take care and we're always around if you need us <3

[when.will.it.end]

Thanks for the replies.

I really think it doesn't matter though. It's not a problem cos im hardly doing any damage to myself, so really who cares.

[shadow-light]

y the sounds of things you could be doing damage... and even if you aren't now you will do in time

it does matter

[surprising mystery]

Laxitives do so much damage that you never see till its too late. And besides, who says the mental damage this is doing doesnt count.. It does.

I think you need to see your Dr and maybe print this off to show them?

xx