Ahh man this thread breaks my heart...it reminds me what it's like to feel that low.
Hello KatieFrank. I'm Wandz, I'm new here, but I feel like I can relate to you somewhat....
I'd like to be your friend and help you if you'll let me....
Your last post smacks of guilt. I remember that feeling...it's a horrible cycle...
I used to feel guilty for being so low because I knew other people had it so much worse than I, and then of course the guilt just adds to the self-loathing....
I guess that you don't feel gratitude for the nice things you mention isn't great but the important thing is you know you OUGHT to feel gratitude which means you still value and appriciate the worth of your blessings. Which means you're not really ungrateful, are you?
You're probably just feeling that horrible numbness that depression gives you....you recognise the emotions you ought to feel in certain situations but can't quite get yourself there...I remember that well.
And I know this sounds arrogant of me to say so, but I'm so confident it's true Ill say it anyway...
People would definately care if you died...you mentioned a mother and boyfriend? I bet they're only the start of it. That is LE FACT.
And another thing....I wouldn't feel too guilty about your eating disorder. It's bad enough having an eating disorder let alone guilting yourself over it. Anyway eating disorders are really really powerful psychological conditions....they deal with one of the most basic human functions...eating....and the very size and shape of your body...so it's totally understandable that it's CONSTANTLY on your mind.
Oh how I wish I could give you good advice on b/p, but I can't
You, me and everyone else has to work really really hard every moment to fight the urge to b/p. It's like an addiction. But you have to just try as hard as you can to think 'No, I think I'm going to feel better afterwards but I won't. I'll feel miserable and it'll hurt. I'll feel defeated. There's a good reason it feels so horribley un-natural' and try not to do it to yourself.
Someone very clever.... I forget who....wrote of suicide that it's a long term solution to a short term problem.
Write back if you've got a mo and let me know what you're feeling/thinking....
And I'll tell you a bit more about myself if you're interested.
Tara for now.
Wandz
xxxxxx
