Suicidal - Page 6

chinahorse · 25-01-2017, 07:38 AM

I'm trying to just let myself settle in. But it's hard. I'm so tired and scared. U tossed and turned all night. But at least in allowed a cuppa in bed. My head is so sore. I want to be at home with all my things. It's so bare here. I look awful so tired and they weighed me and I'm too heavy. And sorry my brain is wiring.

Buttons. · 25-01-2017, 10:05 AM

With regards the 'bareness' could friends e.g Jodie etc bring you some little things to brighten your room a little?

With regards weight would you consider your weight to be too heavy for someone else?

[Luna] · 25-01-2017, 10:08 AM

Do you know if you can receive post? I'll send you some stuff to put in your room or I could send it to Jodie's. I hope today goes well beautiful xx

chinahorse · 25-01-2017, 12:18 PM

I want to go home

Cacoethes · 25-01-2017, 12:41 PM

Hey lovely

I know it can be really really hard at first with these places but it does get easier and you will settle into the routine and everything. You just have to stick with it. It will be worth it in the long run x

Sketchy · 25-01-2017, 03:36 PM

I know it's hard, but give it a chance. It will take a while to settle, but hopefully this will all be worth it. You are getting the help you need and deserve.

chinahorse · 25-01-2017, 05:16 PM

Thanks guys.

The weight is too high for someone of my height in my head. I'd say it was on the high end of normal for anyone my height tbh.

I'm trying to give it time but it's scary. I am settling in a lot more today which helps but I still feel like a spare part though at least I had the space to say that today.

I can receive post here which is good. And as I'll be going home weekends I'd be happier to get it there.

There's some charity shops close by which I want to raid for some nice bits and bobs as well as bringing some stuff from home.

Bellatrix · 25-01-2017, 08:03 PM

I've got some spare fairy lights if you're allowed them?

Moonlight Princess · 25-01-2017, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinahorse

The weight is too high for someone of my height in my head.
.

It's really good that that that's in your head Lillie and hopefully soon you'll be able to start working on feelings like that.

How did you feel when you were able to let someone know you were still feeling like a spare part?

It's understandably scary right now but it won't always feel like that lovely. I wonder if it might help to talk to some of the other people there about how they felt when they first came when you get to know them?

Do you get any free times in the day where you can plan nice things for yourself e.g coffee, getting your nails etc?

Uglyducklin · 28-01-2017, 01:44 PM

How is it going Lillie ? Thinking of you xx

chinahorse · 29-01-2017, 10:25 PM

I'm all out of brave.

Sketchy · 29-01-2017, 10:36 PM

It's okay not to feel brave too, but I think you still are brave. How are things?

chinahorse · 30-01-2017, 02:59 AM

I want to go home. I have such a scary day today and I don't wanna do it. I can't do 3 types of therapy and cook for everyone.

Buttons. · 30-01-2017, 05:05 AM

Don't have many words but I think you've been so brave x

Uglyducklin · 30-01-2017, 09:53 AM

Hugs you are being so brave Hun x

Unbreakable. · 30-01-2017, 02:19 PM

That sounds overwhelming and challenging.
Are there any adjustments that could be made to make it a bit easier for you?

I understand this is scary, but I am gonna repeat myself here: is it not a lot scarier to go back home and be back to where you were before?

chinahorse · 30-01-2017, 03:56 PM

I'm going to ask to move cooking groups. Individual was a nightmare.

Uglyducklin · 30-01-2017, 05:00 PM

What is the difference Hun? I'm sure they will understand it is early days and you didn't know how overwhelming it would be. X

chinahorse · 01-02-2017, 03:28 PM

I feel really triggered to burn and very vulnerable. I'm not sure I even want to stay safe let alone at the cassel at this point. I'm not a good enough contribution to the community.

tiptoes · 01-02-2017, 03:38 PM

I am sorry you are triggered and feeling vulnerable.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you right now. Is there anyone there you can reach out to?

It seems at the moment every option available to you is difficult and painful and hard. In times like this I try to keep looking to the option which gives me the most options moving forward.

In what way are you not a good enough contribution to the community? It is early days, these things take time. You contribute to our little community here. You have a lot to offer any community. Keep hanging in there.