Just wondered other's experiences of stopping self harming...
I'm trying to come to terms with what i've done to my body and that is really difficult. When I see other's wearing shorts/t shirts, it reinforces how damaged my body is and that hurts.
I'm getting overwhelmed sometimes with the memories of what I have done in the past and to an extent, feel tempted to repeat them. But I know, if I want a life away from hospitals/to get back on track in life, the self harm has to stop for good.
For ages with my self harm i was always like 'once a cut gapes x cms/burnt however deep, then i'll be able to stop' but it never did stop, it just escalated hugely.
I HATE what I have done to my body. Somehow I am going to have to accept that these scars are here forever. I've missed out on life too as everything revolved around self harm.
The one thing stressing me out is the way I have regressed and believe that professionals will be blind to my struggles because there is no wounds on me (in my eyes, evidence).
Just yeah, wondered how recovery has manifested itself for others.
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
It seems like you're definitely ready mentally for recovery. I've been recovering for four years (with only one very small slip up), and while it hasn't been easy, it's been worth it. The scars fade, and although you can still tell they're there, they're not as noticable.
Recovery is a lot about not just distracting yourself, but facing what you have to deal with. I know that's not easy, but it's important not to beat yourself up over slip ups. They're a part of recovery.
Try to surround yourself with people who understand or accept what you're going through, who are willing to talk you through your difficult times. Eventually it will be easier to deal with triggers, and you'll rarer and rarer feel the need to harm yourself.
One thing that I find helps is to remember the date, but not count the days. When you keep counting the days, I find it's feels like it goes a lot slower. This way, I suddenly found myself a week free, a month free, a year free! It always surprised me, and it made me feel very proud.
For me, recovery just sort of happened for me. I didn't really plan that today is going to be the last time. Instead, I told myself that I could not hurt myself for one day, one week, one month, three months and so on. That really helped for me. Small goals feels easier to overcome. Therefore, instead of saying "I will never ever self harm again" I would rather say "I will not harm myself this week."
I hope this helps. The best of luck for your future!
your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
keep on loving, keep on fighting
and hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life
My experience of recovery is that it's not exactly a linear process.
I was 1 year and 6 months free until May of this year. I fell in love with my amazing partner, and it brought up a lot of old, painful memories. I unfortunately turned back to self-harm to deal with these emotions I'd rather keep inside.
I was immensely ashamed of "giving in" and thought that my partner wouldn't want to be with me. As she says herself, she doesn't exactly understand why I do it, but she's willing to help me recover from SH and put away my various traumas for good.
So I realized that I had relied on SH for the past five years because I had no one to talk to about these feelings. Now suddenly I have someone who is always willing to listen, and who wants me to get better for me, not them. It has made a profound difference.
About the escalation, I too am struggling with that. I ignored people who in the early days warned me that it would get worse over time, that I would need more and more to achieve the same effect. Well, they were right.
I've learned that suddenly stopping the SH in long run will never really fix anything, just as continuing will never really fix anything. You need to fill that gap with many other things to replace what SH did for you. What you fill it with is up to you, but it's going to be several things, I can guarantee that.
Good luck in your continuing journey. It's a wild ride, but like BlackNail said, so worth it :).
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Recovery for me means that I'm not actively trying to destroy myself. Viewing my body as something permanent - opposed to something that will be dead within year.
It's difficult to accept the long-term concequences of the damage I've done, because I never once believed I'd be around long enough that I would have to deal with them.
Still now "in recovery" I get these crazy ideas that I just haven't tried hard enough to solve my problems through self harm and if I just do one more thing that's worse than what I've done before to solve it all.
Reduction in my self harm has been confusing for my family - who saw it as the problem rather than the symptom of the problem. When I have a bad slip up they see it as me not bothering to fight it when in reality every day I'm fighting to make the right decisions and occasionally I let things slip.
My recovery process, like a few others i know, has been up and down. I would be alright for a few months and then go back to it, telling myself "oh its just once" but it would just escalate. My therapist calls it an addiction. And its i guess"proven" to be one. Bu tidk if anything can change at this point.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Recovery for me means that I'm not actively trying to destroy myself. Viewing my body as something permanent - opposed to something that will be dead within year.
^ I can completely understand this. I never ever thought about the long term because quite frankly I never thought I'd make it that far. Once you accept that you can have a future I think it's easier. At least for me, I think, although I'm not exactly recovered, but I'm trying.
Coming to terms with the scars is ridiculously hard, but I guess I was lucky in the way in that the people I told- my parents, brothers, and a couple of friends- have never judged me for them and I don't feel the need to wear sleeves or pants around them anymore. In fact my mother in particular doesn't think I should be ashamed of my scars at all, although I am and I think a part of me always will be.
Wanting to recover is a big part of it too, because sometimes SI seems (keyword, seems) so helpful that you don't want to stop, even though eventually you realise you have too.
If you spoke to other people the way you speak to yourself, how many friends would you have?
