Camden, I think that Tamo was asking Beckie if we should be acknowledging Beckie going to the gym etc, or if drawing attention to it might make the situation worse, when it comes up in general conversation? Rather than thinking it's fine and OK?
Beckie, I know the situation is beyond messed up but I am glad that your new care coordinator seems a little bit more on the ball and is taking you seriously. I really hope that you'll at least be monitored more closely until you feel able to be re-referred to the ED team, and that you'll get hospital treatment when you need it. You deserve a life outside of this.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
That's what i thought tamo was asking, more regarding talking about it in general chat.
Thanks Lio
I desperately want a life outside of this
It's just so hard. The hardest thing I've had to deal with so far
Next psych appointment is Thursday. Idk if cpn will be contacting me before that
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Probably not
There isn't anything she can do
It's just the same stuff over and over again
She can't do anything other than tell me to eat something, which is basically all i need to do but apparently that isn't a thing that's allowed to happen
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Not a clue tbh
She usually kind of leads the conversation and I'm ok with that, i can't think of anything to say or ask for
Apart from the citalopram making me feel weird
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Do you think it was a seizure? I know low blood sugar can cause seizures in people with epilepsy sometimes so even it was a seizure there is a chance it's related to the ED.
I don't think it was a seizure, i don't feel how i usually feel after a seizure. I actually felt better after vomiting. I'm struggling to walk straight or see clearly but that was pre-incident and down to the citalopram (which has been stopped)
My blood sugars were low, but not massively. They went back up when i saw triage nurse.
I just kind of told them i was leaving. They didn't say anything really.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Beckie, i am not saying this to guilt trip you or make you feel bad about yourself. Because you're probably ill enough and your body is exhausted enough that it wouldn't be possible to comprehend it anyway. But the exam is, under these circumstances, not important. No, not at all!!! I do understand why you want to hang on to the illusion that your life is still just going on and you plod along. Because having to realise what the rest of us can see, would be terrifying.
However, the future you're trying to hang on to and prepare for is not going to happen unless you get some medical help. Which is difficult because peeps are knobheads and won't do a lot. And because you struggle to accept the help and thus just welcomes the doubtful observations of said knobheads and use it to conclude that it's probably not THAT bad.
It IS that bad!!! I don't care if you need to throw a tantrum in public and be escorted to an a&e by police or whatever because if that is what it takes, then that is what i would advise right now. I can live with you not being able to see the seriousness and i also think that's totally excusable under these circumstances. Please just TRY to accept whatever help is offered though. No leaving hospital/a&e/gp/whatever to pursue whatever might feel more important. There is NOTHING more important than staying alive right now.
Be honest with your gf. Please be honest, please allow her to help/support/escort you whenever, where ever, however she sees fit. You are way beyond the point of helping yourself right now. You need others to do that job!!!!
I think the psych called the ED team today to refer me again, but that whole appointment is kind of a blur.
I keep thinking about what happened and it was very scary. Even when I've been unwell before, it's very rare for me to actually lose consciousness.
I think i was so set on doing the exam because I've never really completed any education in my life. I don't want this to be another thing that i fail at.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
You're not really failing (even if you can't complete the course) because you are trying so hard despite everything that is going on and that is definitely not failure. I understand what you mean though. And maybe right now isn't the right time for education, it doesn't mean you can't try again in the future if you wanted to. I hope you have been referred to the ED team and there is more that they can do for you this time.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thanks lindsay
Would really like to have a career in something at some point though.
I've had a bad day. I collapsed and vomited A LOT and was more dizzy than I've ever been in my life. A lady called an ambulance. Apparently my sodium is low, it is lower than its ever been. I'm unsure if that's the reason I've been admitted to a ward though??
No one seems to know. I'll see a dr probably tomorrow.
It was all very scary. I felt so awful i can't even describe it.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I am slightly concerned because the dr in a&e said she didn't want to leave me with no ED support
But the dr before her said i was being admitted anyway
See what tomorrow brings i suppose
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
