Support for Cacoethes (Beckie)

[Cacoethes]

Thank you
The triage nurse was confused about why i was sent here, so she sent me over to urgent care to see a GP to talk to more in depth and they'll decide where to send me
It's busy

[Cacoethes]

GP basically attempted a therapy session.
Said that with x time of no food then we know my bp will be low and my hr will be low or high so no point bothering with numbers or anything.
So she literally just said 'go to the supermarket and buy 3 things'
So that was a waste of time

[Elmer]

*internal screaming intensifies*

I'm so sorry they were so unhelpful. I think it's amazing that you went, I hope you can give yourself some credit for that. You need and deserve medical support, and I saw in your RV that your care co-ordinator is on the case, hopefully she will be able to get medical people to listen.

In the meantime, please try to allow yourself to rest - it's OK to not be constantly on the go, and I know you beat yourself up for 'doing nothing' (rest is not nothing).

[one_step_closer]

That's really not great after you were brave. Please don't stop trying.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you both

She said she'll let me know what the dr says. Idk if that means today or next week or whatever. Got the appointment with them on Thursday anyway

I have work tonight unfortunately so rest is going to be hard

[one_step_closer]

Do you think you can try not to think about it too much and if you're not able to and feel anxious/whatever you could get in touch with your CC earlier? Can you get a bit of rest before work?

[Cacoethes]

I'm not overly anxious about it
I'm too tired to be anxious

Trying to rest. Kinda want to go and lie down but not convinced I'd get up in time, even with an alarm

[tamobhuuta]

Sorry for your negative experience. Well done for going!

[Cacoethes]

Thanks tamo :)

[one_step_closer]

Do you need to go to work? Do you think you will manage ok? Do what you can to get as much rest as possible without sleeping if you're worried you won't be able to get up on time. It would be great if you could have an actual rest day soon, it sounds like it's needed. I understand that is difficult for you though.

[Cacoethes]

Yeah i do.
We have an event tonight, plus i really need the money.

I did end up napping.
I swear I've never been so tired. I could barely move. Was considering calling in sick, but won't, for the above mentioned reasons.

I find rest days so hard. I hate doing nothing

[Elmer]

I hope work isn't too draining.

Just gonna reiterate that rest isn't nothing, and everyone needs it even when their brains and bodies aren't starving.

[Auror.]

did you show them the nice guidelines? (joking but also infuriated)

because if you did then they would literally see why this requires hospital

christ. hope cc can get someone to listen and soon because this isn't okay and you need medical care. really concerned about you trying to work in your current state, and with you being alone in general. can you stay with someone who can keep an eye on you?

[Cacoethes]

That's true lio
I have a real issue with thinking rest = lazy/gonna put on weight
Which it doesn't

I was a bit of a mess tbh. I just started crying.

I wish i didn't have to go to work
I feel so shit
I could stay with L, but her son has very high needs and without trying to sound horrible, can be quite exhausting to be around. Just not in the right place to potentially be jumped on/kicked or woken up at 5am etc.
Obviously i care for him a lot and this isn't normally a problem, but in my current physical state, it would be a bit much.

[Auror.]

calling off of work sounds like a really good idea but we do get it may not be possible. do you think if you go you can say you don't feel well and ask for extra rest breaks and/or to leave early?

if staying with L isn't possible can you make sure she knows how bad things are and that you legit need checked on regularly? just super concerned that with you being on your own, if something happens, you may not be able to get help.

[Cacoethes]

I'm only in for 3 hours so I'll just power through
The walk here wasn't easy though

We message back and forth all day anyway, so if i didn't message for a while, there would be concern. She has a key to my house also

[Auror.]

that's good, but does she know specifically what si going on and how bad things are? because someone really needs to.

[Cacoethes]

She doesn't
I'm reluctant to tell her in case she insists that i eat when I'm with her
I really don't want to do that

I had my performance review thingy with the GM at work. She said I've lost more weight, too much weight and my sparkle has gone.
I genuinely did not know how to respond other than insist I'm ok, like i always do.

[Auror.]

someone needs to know. this is serious shit and you need to have someone keeping an eye on you. if she tries to insist on eating - one you need to eat or you will die and two okay worst case then just tell her you can't but you do need checked on bare minimum

like no it's not ideal. but we don't know how else to stress the seriousness of the situation. and we don't comprehend how the professionals are being so useless given by their own (nice) standards you should be in hospital and/or an edu. we get you can't control that and we get you tried to get help and that is huge.

but right now they are failing you, and you need looking after. so you need to go to the people you trust to help you do so.

[Cacoethes]

I'm scared of people knowing
Sometimes i want to be alone, but L might insist that i stay over more. She has some insecurities so if i say no, she'll think I just don't want to see her, which isn't the case.

The dr yesterday said it's better to have 'a bit' of refeeding syndrome rather than my body shutting down.
Is it even possible to get 'a bit of refeeding syndrome'

Seeing the psych and cc again on Thursday. Idk what they could possibly suggest.
Psych was going on about weekly blood tests, idk if that's going to happen or not. It's not something they normally do