Chaos

Thatgirl.autumn · 09-09-2023, 05:40 PM

Hi everyone ,
Ummm so this is kind of stupid n I feel like a fool for writing this but I really need support n insight rn. So ive been almost 50 days clean which is my longest in agess. Buy anywayy , I'm starting t miss it. There's no trigger or anything, well not really. I js miss the chaos tbh. N ik how stupid tht must sound. But I miss having control of my pain. I'm tired of everyone else having power of when n how much t hurt me. I want the chaos bck ? Is tht normal ?

Pi.R^2 · 23-09-2023, 05:42 PM

Hey, sorry you didn't get any replies to this sooner! Your post got auto-moderated by the RYL robots which is annoying but I've reinstated it now.

Well done for 50 days free, that's amazing! And I don't think you sound stupid at all for missing it. Self harm is addictive; I think there's been research around it releasing endorphins. And I can see what you mean about missing the control over your pain. In my experience that does get somewhat better over time.

Do you have any support around you for the difficult feelings you're having?