The topic of two members having a relationship in real life has come up quite a bit in chat, I was just wondering what people think, will they work? etc.
They have the same chance of being successful as any other relationship, I think. It does depend on the individuals.
But yeah, it's never going to be healthy if one or both people are in such a bad place that it makes them dependent and wanting an answer to issues that a relationship won't. Have worded that ridiculously.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
I've seen good and bad and didn't find outcomes hard to predict. Until people find themselves and their roots they tend to appoint other people above them and look for them to provide good feelings, reflections etc. If they get those they like it - then they can start to resent it because they lowered themselves down to put someone else "up" - or - the appointed savior gets tired of being the center of someone's identity. That's how false love turns into real hate.
I've found just being friends with RYL people can be sketchy because as they get better (or seem to get better) they can want to avoid anything/anyone that reminded them of bad times. I've met people here and told them not to identify with their depression, bad habits etc and that they will grow past them - just to indeed have them grow past their depression/ bad habits and then have them disappear (to be told later they have given up their "depression friends").
Moral of the story is be careful of relationships where people are still in the midst of issues. Of course that applies to lots of people and not just RYLers. The specific RYL problem is people can want to escape their past and resent anyone who knows more of it than others because of what they aired out in a forum. They cant want to run from other people as a way of running from themselves. That's not always bad either depending on people/situation
Ive been in a relationship with a member of this site for 5 and a half years, so has worked out well for me but at the time when the relationship started i was at a much healthier mind set in regards to issues so worked out well but if i wasnt so well it may have not worked out so well
I joined RYL in 2000and something and then some years later entered a relationship.
Thus person then joined RYL.
RYL tomfoolery then ruined our relationship.
I don't think it is something that can be generalised. It does very much depend on the indiviuals.
I had a bad experience on here. We got chatting and things, it all seemed quite happy but then suddenly lots of events started occuring which turned out to be entirely fabricated but because I had already fallen for this person it really hurt. However, that is my lesson in relationships on the internet, especially when mental health is concerned.
Having said that, though I've had a bad experience, I wouldn't rule out anything in the future because no two relationships are the same.
i am in a relationship with a fellow RYLer, id it wasn't for the site, i doubt we would have gotten together (we knew each other outside of the site first)
i would say mine and teddy.lupin (xander) have a pretty successful relationship we have been together a year, 3 months and 12 days and are engaged :)
it can work if you dont use eachother as an emotional go to. in some senses it kinda helps that we have empathy when thing are tough
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
Saying that two people that are members of RYL wouldn't work in a relationship is like saying two people that are both left handed wouldn't work.
Relationships depend less on how those people live their lives and more on their feelings towards eachother.
Well it depends on several factors strictly speaking, willingness to make it work, closeness, trust, pretty much everything that comes in a normal relationship, just be careful what you say if you decide to go that way
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
I've seen good and bad and didn't find outcomes hard to predict. Until people find themselves and their roots they tend to appoint other people above them and look for them to provide good feelings, reflections etc. If they get those they like it - then they can start to resent it because they lowered themselves down to put someone else "up" - or - the appointed savior gets tired of being the center of someone's identity. That's how false love turns into real hate.
I've found just being friends with RYL people can be sketchy because as they get better (or seem to get better) they can want to avoid anything/anyone that reminded them of bad times. I've met people here and told them not to identify with their depression, bad habits etc and that they will grow past them - just to indeed have them grow past their depression/ bad habits and then have them disappear (to be told later they have given up their "depression friends").
Moral of the story is be careful of relationships where people are still in the midst of issues. Of course that applies to lots of people and not just RYLers. The specific RYL problem is people can want to escape their past and resent anyone who knows more of it than others because of what they aired out in a forum. They cant want to run from other people as a way of running from themselves. That's not always bad either depending on people/situation
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrelspit
there are RYLers that have got married and/or had children together.
I have seen ones that have been very very successful and ones that have been two people making themselves iller and wallowing in their shared pain.
I think itndepends entirely on the two individuals ability to see each other as people rather than as emotional crutches. i hope that makes sense.
Both of these. I can list lots of RYL 'ships that were horrid but I can think of several that went well. It all depends on the person.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
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