why does being bad feel so good?

[Sock]

Im probably not the only one, but something about getting worse is more appealing to me than getting better. Harming myself doesnt bother me, feels 'right'. Sometimes i put in more effort into getting worse than getting better. it's not like im doing it for attention, or having many A&E visits.
I can't make any sense of this. Can anyone relate/ help me out?

[nonperson]

I can totally relate. It's something I've been thinking about a lot recently myself - that sometimes I seem to want things to get worse - and I can't understand it either.

I'm sorry I have no advice but I wanted to let you know I understand.

[one_step_closer]

I can also relate to this. I made an image on Tumblr once which with writing that said 'I don't want to get better, I want to get worse, worse, worse.' I'm not entirely sure of my own reasons for this although I know I do find the prospect of letting go of the emotions and behaviours I have come to know well in favour of recovery. Have you ever spoken to anyone about this? I can imagine you may be reluctant to as people could go along the 'that's attention seeking' route since they don't understand. I'd hope that there will come a point where you feel motivated to recover and think it holds something promising and better for you.

[Sock]

I've spoken to my GP who says i think this because im ill and that i dont see that i can get better. But i cant seem to agree with her. Once in a while I am able to see what shes saying could be right but other than that I mostly feel like this is how its meant to be and by taking anti-depressants im just lying to myself in a way. That im supposed to get worse and not beter

[Juella]

I understand. When I'm feeling really low, I keep thinking that I can't be helped or cured and that everything I'm feeling and doing to myself is just a part of the person I am. But that is an illusion. I'm sure you there were points in your life when you weren't this way, even if you were young then, right? No one is born like this. No one is meant to feel or live like this. Not you, not me, not anyone else. You can get better and you deserve to get better.

[tiptoes]

This used to be me. I can definitely relate to what you have posted. Being ill fed into so many of my personality traits and for a while it trapped me into a cycle of never actually reaching stability.

One thing that helped me was having some long term support I was fortunate to qualify for a 3 year out patient program where slowly we worked on finding healthy coping strategies that fed into my personality traits which helped break some of the cycles. It is definitely still a work-in-progress there is still something familiar and alluring about low mood.

It is possible to break through it does take time and consistent support and unfortunately that isn't always available.

What does feeling bad do for you?