I know we talked about people's negative comments on self-harm a lot, but I just wondered what was the nicest thing someone has said or done when they found out about your self-harming? (Not in a "your scars look cool" kind of way, but a "look the next time you feel like that ring me" kind of way).
I think a really nice thing is that no one at work has ever mentioned my scars. It weirds me out a bit not knowing if someone has noticed or what they are thinking but I imagine that most have noticed at some point and can deduce that they don't think badly of me for it and just accept me the way I am :) One of my friends at work knows that I count the time free and when I was approaching three years free she kept asking "when's your day again?" and it was nice that she could see how important it was to me.
This is a great idea for a thread Katiee :) What's the nicest thing someone has said to you about it?
When I was on holiday in turkey, you often got people who tried to sell you things and theyd be very persistent about it, one day one young man grabbed hold of me and I thought oh great another guy trying to sell me something, but he whispered to me, "I use to do it to, remember your never alone". He must of noticed my scars. I will never forget.
I've been told many nice things. All along the lines of what everyone has said.
I had a lovely discussion with an old childhood acquaintance(we used to fight all the time as kids, he was a bit of a bully) a couple years past; I was wearing short sleeves, and he said he wasn't going to mention it but "I just wanted to tell you that things will be ok. It is possible to stop, I've been SH free for two years." He even showed me his scars. I was feeling so utterly alone at the time with my SH/scars so this meant the world.
Something really nice that someone has done: My dad (who used to comment on my appearance and actions a lot, and would often trigger me) has seen my scars many times this summer, and he never once said a word. I saw him look, but he didn't have a judging look on his face. :)
Once, someone asked me where the mark on my hand came from but when I lied to them about it they didn't question me further or judge me for it. And that meant so much to me because no-one ever noticed before without judging me and getting angry at me for it.
And this wasn't when they found out, but one of my friends gave me a letter once telling me that I was the centre of my universe so therefore I was an important part of everyone else's universes too. :)
Our assistant headteacher at secondary school (also the SENCO, and the person I trusted most, as he had personal experience with mental health and talked openly with me) told my mum once that when he saw me so sad at school back when I was really struggling with self-harm that he just wished he was allowed to give me a hug.
Our deputy head also told me that it was astonishing that I had kept it to myself for so many years and that it was dreadful from their point of view that they hadn't noticed. It was really helpful just to have it acknowledged and validated like that.
My supervisor at uni told me a 'hypothetical' and vague story about a 'girl who had bad things happen to her and felt ashamed and dirty and wanted to punish herself' but overcame that and found hope. He was brilliant at supporting me when I needed it.
My friends have generally been brilliant - I usually wear long sleeves but if at training when I get hot and take my hoodie off they tend to make a brief comment to ask why or show that they have noticed, but they don't dwell on it and just treat me as normal.
When I told my friend that I am a SIer she said that didn't realise that my scars where from SI. That felt good.
Another friend was pretty good about it as she has a son who SIs. She doesn't tell me that I must stop because she genuinely understands how hard it is. She gave me a stuffed dog last year to celebrate 4 years free and she always is genuinely pleased to hear that I am another month free.
So really it's not what people have said but more their reactions.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I was at a party when one of my friends was asking about my scars. I was being vague and saying it was a long story, but they weren't really getting it and kept asking. Another friend of mine overheard our conversation, and a few days later she sent me a message sharing some of her struggles, and a comic about how people ask about scars. It made me feel so much less alone, I'll never forget it.
My partner, Ashley, is my rock. Sometimes I will go to her and tell her that I want to self-injure, and she always listens. One time in particular, I told her that I was sad and wanted to cut. She gently took my left arm and kissed my wrist. <3
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly."
I think like other people have said it's more the unspoken that's been nicest for me. Like being loved, even romantically, in spite of the scars. I really struggle with showing my scars so on the rare occasions I do (publicly), for people not to say anything or stare is priceless. I don't like to be 'visible'and it's easier when I don't feel I stand out in some way.
The first person to say I look like a tiger on a bad day :P it made me laugh and I still use that phrase to this day. And when my friend and I spent time thinking up the weirdest possible excuses for if somebody asked about my scars/was rude. Just Laughing about it and taking the piss like we do with everything else was the best thing for me.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
