Triggering (SI) - dont know what to do, gf is pissed.
so my gf found out again that i SIed and is super pissed, which just pisses me off.
im in such a bad mood now.
i left my SI kit next to my bed last night and forgot to put it away.
i knew she would eventually find out cause we do have sex and that is kind of hard to hide.
but she was all mad saying how shes serious when she says that this is gonna tear us apart and she will break up with me if i continue this.
we've been dating on and off for almost 5 years now, and i just find it petty of her to break something off so easily over something like this.
im just in a pissed off mood and want to SI even more now.
i dont want to tackle stopping this, and theres no talking to her about it and her understanding.
has anyone had similar situations with their sigificant other?
Last edited by Artyom : 22-06-2008 at 06:13 AM.
Reason: typo
hey there i think anyone who has been in a relationship whilst still self harming would gone through a situation similar to this.. its a common reaction for people who care about you when confronted with self harm.. you must remember that she cares about you.. and that she will obviously see your self harm in a different light to how you would.. for her i doubt she sees this as a petty incident.. all i can recommend is that you try to talk to her and help her to understand that your just not ready to stop yet.
im in the same boat. i cut on my upper arms and only have sex with my gf in the dark for obvious reasons. how do you get away with it? she found out i relapsed and got upset with me. she didnt threaten to break up with me but she does get VERY upset and cries. i just let her know im sorry and will do my best not to relapse again. you have to let her know you care about her and that you want to be with her badly. it usually helps. let me know how it goes
well to answer your first question, i dont get away with it.
which sucks, cause i know how mad shes going to be when she finds out.
she knows i love her and i hate making her feel bad, but i just dont want to quit.
it may sound selfish, but thats just how i feel.
to me its not a big deal, but it always is to other people =/
yeah relapsing doesnt bother me too bad but it does apparently everyone else. its dumb to me. why get upset over something that has already been done, ya know?
coz it hurts to see you destroy yourself. my bf of 4 year broke up with me coz i couldnt stop SHing. that was his reason. he couldn't love me anymore coz i didn't love myself
coz it hurts to see you destroy yourself. my bf of 4 year broke up with me coz i couldnt stop SHing. that was his reason. he couldn't love me anymore coz i didn't love myself
It sucks, but being the supporter (even if not the right type of support) is tough. I would totally understand if my bf left cuz he couldnt handle my SI. Cuz honestly, it is a difficult thing to deal with, and not just for us.
But i honestly believe that education is the key. However some people simply cannot or will not believe that it is anything less utterly wrong. If someone who SI's is in a relationship with one of those people, things can only get worse.
For you, she either needs to grow up and understand (understanding is different to accepting, as it doesnt condone but provides strength for recovery) or yes, it (your SI and her tiredness of support) will cuz the relationship to end. I know thats quite blunt, but i believe honesty is the best policy here.
Also, question, why are you mad that she's mad. She's probably mad cuz she loves you and cares for you and doesnt want to see you hurt and in pain (if not then its a bad relationship anyway). So her anger is more concern than anything else probably. So why are you mad at her for being concerned? I'm just flipping things to a positive light, hope it can help.
Also, if she did break up with you over this, no it isnt petty. SI puts a strain on all relationships, whether the other person knows its occuring or not, but particularly when they do. I supported my best friend for 4 years while she had an ED, was cutting and was suicidal. And you know what? I had to end the relationship, cuz she was dragging me down, and if i hadnt have stepped away, i would have ended up like her again, and that wouldnt have helped her any more.
I do suggest even just thinking of quiting. Or get professional help, people are less likely to push you about it if you are getting help, cuz they think you are being taken care of, that now you have someone specific to help with this and be 'responsible' for reinforcing quiting (though of course that is not the way it works, but thats the way friends and family feel, like they have this weight taken away from them, which can really help relationships).
~He accepts that ambiguity and compromise are a part of life, but he doesn’t necessarily like it. It’s not his way to dwell in gray areas, not to try and resolve complex situations. And yet, if he’s really honest with himself, this time he doesn’t care. He surrenders to what he wants, not what he must. ~
I am really sorry to hear thatyour GF is not supporting you like she should. My husband used to support me and said he understod but just recently he has decided that my SH is an attack on him and is pissed that i dont respect him enough to stop which has caused me to withdraw even further from people and has made me SH even more than before. I think some people just need to make our problem about them to make themselves feel better and although its hard we might just have to keep explaining to them its got nothing to do with them and that we know its hard to live with but hey we are the ones that have to live with it 24/7 not them. Again im sory that you dont have the support you need either and if you ever need to talk im here and will always listen
