Showing My Scars

[hypocrisy]

Okay, so I haven't been around in a while, therefore hello everybody! I'm Sade for those who don't remember me.

So, at this point in my life I'm really ambivalent about how people feel about me (I still have anxiety and bipolar episode, though). I don't want people to stare at my scars, or grab my arms, or feel uncomfortable due to my mental illness. However, I'm fat, my boobs are huge, and I hate being hot and sweaty. Thus, I wear a lot of flowing dresses and short-sleeved tops so I can luxuriate in the coolness, and not die from drowning in my own sweat.

Well, apparently this isn't okay to some people. I've actually had people grab my arms demanding to know why I would harm myself, and why I don't "cover" up--I look like an eccentric, yet dowdy librarian. While I try to smile and remain professional and polite, I'm envisioning them being strangled. So, I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and what did you do?

[Buttons.]

Low on words but to my mind anyone who judges you based on your scars/general physical appearance isn't worth your time.

[Margo]

Wow Sadie! Hello (ninjapenguin-Matthew) here. Blimey this is a blast from the past!

I've worn short sleeves for years now. At first I was paranoid. It now I seldom think about it. At first I was convinced everyone was looking. Then when I started to forget the less I noticed people looking. Now most people have t a clue because in reality most people notice very little.

Sure I get some stares and people looking but that's my business and not theirs.
There comes a point when you are no longer your scars and they no longer define you. I think this is the point at which things get better.

Having your arms grabbed is an invasion and totally wrong regardless of who does it. That's like grabbing a belly because it's fat or grabbing hair because it's a weird colour and so on. Regardless of the reason it's downright wrong.

My advice is don't change. Wear what you want. Sure t will be hard but when you look at the small percentage of negatives compared to an overwhelming amount of people not noticing or giving a **** then things will be better.

I was always told that when you look hard enough for something it appears. If we look for people noticing us then we will sure as hell find them every time.

Be strong. Keep up that **** you attitude and take care of yourself. X

[sherlock holmes]

I wear short sleeves whenever I want because I want to be comfortable and cool, not hot and sweaty covering up for the sake of others. Now and then I might get a comment, but I don't really care what a stranger thinks. My family and friends do not judge me. But most importantly I do what's best for me.

[Pi.R^2]

Sorry to hear you've had such negative experiences with some very rude people! That is so incredibly intrusive of them. I wonder if it might help to have some stock responses prepared for when people ask questions? I find that helps me feel less flustered when answering. Because of my job it's mainly young teenagers' questions I'm prepared for and as they don't know any better they get a polite 'gosh, that's quite a personal question' and then I change the subject to help them learn that it's polite not to ask, but with adults who I feel should know better, they get a sarcastic 'I fell in a blender'. I also particularly enjoyed another member's suggestion I heard a while ago of responding to 'what happened to your arms' with 'what happened to your manners' :P So maybe having a rehearsed way of asking people to not touch you or invade your privacy might help in these situations?

[stumpy]

Hi Sade, I'm Ceri aka. Stumpy...

You sound like my American equivalent, I too have had people stare at me, or grab my arms, or feel uncomfortable due to my mental illness, and like you too I'm fat, my boobs are huge, and I too hate being hot and sweaty. However I refuse to be bullied by others, and wear short-sleeved tops whenever and where ever I please.

For anyone that doesn't think this is okay, they are not important, and don't have the right to make that kind of decision, or to demand to know why I would harm myself. I actually had a complete stranger snatch my blade off me just over a week ago, it felt terrible, and I know he meant well, but it made me feel very uncomfortable with my own thoughts and feelings for just over a week now, until I met with my counsellor earlier today to discuss it. I usually try to keep my self harm private, and not harm in public, but I was very near crisis point when I did this.

You are not alone, you're doing the right thing, try to stay calm, wear whatever you're comfortable in, and try not to let others bother you, and the next time someone grabs you, my suggestion would be to simply say, "Excuse me! That's a private issue, do you mind not touching me?" this generally worked for me and eventually stopped it from happening. *hugs*