Severely Triggering (ED) - Cycles and laxatives

[Olive branch]

Okay so my eating is ****ed at the moment. Three main things, possibly add more.

1. My pysch weighed me a week ago, in about a week he's weighing me again. It was a blind weighing (as in I wasn't allowed to know what it was) but I have this odd feeling that if I don't lose weight by next weigh in he's going to think I'm a failure and just faking it.

2. I get really stuck in these cycles, I just wanted to know if anyone has a clue as to where to break it.

I harm enough to stop me eating> I stop eating, this carries on a for a while and this is the 'high' point of the cycle i.e. it doesn't hurt as much as the other parts> I do something wrong. (I suspect you know the triggers by now, if not, guilt, conflict and worthlessness are the basics) > I try not to harm> I OD/burn/get very suicidal>I restrict more, I feel guilt for eating, I do something else I feel is wrong> I make a first cut > this takes the stress off me for a bit so I eat something and don't feel guilt> I gain weight> I realise what I have done> I cut, which allows me to eat> so I gain> I cut and attempt not to care about the gain> I can't ignore it> I cut almost every day and stop feeling it> I switch to burning> I realise what I am doing and so begin to restrict as I am harming enough to stop me eating.

3. Can someone define abusing laxatives for me? I was asked if I do and I wasn't really sure what it counts as, is it an OD? Or just taking them when you don't need them?

Sorry if any of this triggers.

X

[I.Heart.And]

I think that abusing laxatives means either taking higher than the recommended dose or taking them when you don't need them, because it means you're abusing the effect of them when you don't require it.
A bit like taking pain killers for something other than physical pain like some people do.

[Ninja Orange]

Yeah, you don't have to OD on them for it to be consdered abusing. It's taking themwhen you don't need them, or taking a larger dosage than recommended.

[Navas]

1. If you’ve told your doctor how you feel about eating and what your feelings make you want to do, I don’t think they’d believe you were ‘faking’ regardless of what you weigh.
And even if they thought you were in some sense ‘faking anorexia to get attention’, that in itself would indicate you don’t feel good and I think would be treated just as seriously.

I realize you don’t necessarily really believe that he’d think you were faking, but that it’s an intuitive notion you have.


2. I think to break that cycle you need to work on whatever it is that makes you want to stop eating or hurt yourself in the first place. I know this is pretty much "well duh", and I'm not trying to make it sound easy.

[Olive branch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Navas

1. If you’ve told your doctor how you feel about eating and what your feelings make you want to do, I don’t think they’d believe you were ‘faking’ regardless of what you weigh.
And even if they thought you were in some sense ‘faking anorexia to get attention’, that in itself would indicate you don’t feel good and I think would be treated just as seriously.

I realize you don’t necessarily really believe that he’d think you were faking, but that it’s an intuitive notion you have.


2. I think to break that cycle you need to work on whatever it is that makes you want to stop eating or hurt yourself in the first place. I know this is pretty much "well duh", and I'm not trying to make it sound easy.

You have no idea how much it terrified me to see you here for a moment.

[Navas]

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you.