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Triggering (SI) - Fallen, scared, not sure how to tell?
Hey... well i had to come back early from my trip to California cos i was loosing too much blood and stuff. And if i needed a transfusion out there, we would have to pay.. and argh. But yeh.. been to see my bf (who lives in LA) which was cool... i still cut though ... i thought i'd be able to stop around him.. we've been together 10 months now and i know i love him very much.. (just wish i could feel it.. i can't feel anything really at the moment).
Anyway. basically I need to tell my psychiatrist and my mum. I'm scared. Very scared. I got out of hosp and off my section 3 ...6 weeks ago i think. And ugh. I had been well for about 4 weeks prior to that, and stayed well for about... 2 weeks after! I really did feel ok... even good at times!! But i soon slipped back to all the crap that got me sectioned in the first place.
I've pretended to be better before.. and my psych said that if i were to start everything again when i got out, they'd look out a young womens place for me (i've just turned 18) like a long term place, where i'd be for AT LEAST a year. I want help before i get as bad as i was a year ago... i don't want to get so ill that i can't accept help. Not again. But at the same time I have no idea how to tell... i hate this, i HATE me for being so bloody weak.
I really was feeling better. And now i'm really really not. What scares me most is i recognise this. I'm going through the same stages of stuff as i was a year ago when i first got really ill. But quicker. Everything's moving at like quadruple speed.
Any advice? I have an appointment Monday. But i really need to get it out sooner than that. But if i tell my psych today there's nothing she can do really is there? I mean what can she do? ugh. I don't know.
Sorry for this being so long... i just need some ideas or advice.. who do i tell first? My mum norm over reacts. but... its so hard to hide with all the dressings and wounds all over my arms, legs. hmmm.
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