Hey,
It's completely understandable that the pain is still as bad for you, so please don't think it should be any other way. There is no time limit on grief and if it's still affecting you this badly than it's unfortunate, but that is what we have to work with, nobody is going to expect you to be better just because it's been five years.
Losing your Dad must have been incredibly hard for you and my heart really goes go out to you; please be careful and gentle with yourself tomorrow, don't expect too much from yourself and just take it easy.
They say that 'time heals all wounds' and to a certian extent this is true, but it doesn't mean it has to stop hurting now. I wish it would though but I understand why it can't. The best thing you can do for yourself and your father is to keep yourself safe and remember him in a nice, respectful way tomorrow - allow yourself to grieve but do so in a protected environment with some plan that will allow you to feel safe and comfortable, too.
My thoughts are with you,
Best Wishes
Aimee xoxo
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