The nightmare is finally over. My ex is now in jail, where he will spend the next 7 years of his life. It was somebody else that he had abused that finally got him stopped. I don’t have to go to court as he’s on the sex offenders register now and that’s all that matters.
I feel surreal; I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m pretty relieved that he’s gone and I am relatively safe, but I haven’t accepted that yet.
I had the worst nightmares last night.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Nightmares
I had two nightmares about my ex, and one about the abuser that abused me when I was a little boy. The nightmare about being abused as a little boy was the worst. It was the most realistic and terrifying.
Oh gosh, I am so very proud of you & so so pleased to hear you've finally got justice & your abuser is in jail. You must be feeling all sorts of feelings about it, but please try to remember this is what he deserves, he broke the law & committed a terrible, vile, crime against you & he deserves everything he gets. Its understandable you're feeling mixed & it will take a while to get used to the fact that you are, in fact, safe now. He can't hurt you anymore & thats a big adjustment, but you'll get there, in time - I promise.
I'm sorry you had nightmares, its sort of to be expected considering whats happened - Your mind is trying its best to process all this news & its bound to be triggering. Do you have any support right now? A therapist etc.? Are you able to do something nice & self-caring now to try & take away the fear from the nightmare?
Oh gosh, I am so very proud of you & so so pleased to hear you've finally got justice & your abuser is in jail. You must be feeling all sorts of feelings about it, but please try to remember this is what he deserves, he broke the law & committed a terrible, vile, crime against you & he deserves everything he gets. Its understandable you're feeling mixed & it will take a while to get used to the fact that you are, in fact, safe now. He can't hurt you anymore & thats a big adjustment, but you'll get there, in time - I promise.
I'm sorry you had nightmares, its sort of to be expected considering whats happened - Your mind is trying its best to process all this news & its bound to be triggering. Do you have any support right now? A therapist etc.? Are you able to do something nice & self-caring now to try & take away the fear from the nightmare?
x x x
It probably will take quite a while to get used to things now.
I'm still waiting on support from psychological services but as a stopgap there are mental wellbeing groups in my town and I can get ideas off of other people there about what to do. It's basically just people sharing ideas and helpful hints and their experiences.
I've had a bit of aggro off of one of the friends of my ex, but I'm not too scared of him as he too is up to his neck in it now as my ex apparently sung like a canary and has implicated other abusers too, so he's not going to get away with things for long.
I've noticed one thing - I still have a fear reaction to seeing blonde-haired men. My ex has blonde hair and I still go into fight or flight (or both!) mode but I suppose it'll lessen in time.
The groups sound like a great idea, when do you plan on starting? Do you have a supportive family member or friend you can talk to in the mean time?, Maybe even using the R&V board to get out your feelings while you wait might help a little?
In regard to going into flight or fight mode when you see someone with blonde hair, As awful as it is, its normal. I get the same if I hear someone with a certain accent, or I see a certain type of gate/house. It just triggers so badly, but it does get easier, I promise. I've found the more I see that type of gate, or hear that type of accent, the more my body & brain learn that its not an actual threat. It takes time, but it does lessen. ]
Be kind to yourself & don't rush things, its okay to still be frightened, you can't heal the abuse over night.
The groups sound like a great idea, when do you plan on starting? Do you have a supportive family member or friend you can talk to in the mean time?, Maybe even using the R&V board to get out your feelings while you wait might help a little?
In regard to going into flight or fight mode when you see someone with blonde hair, As awful as it is, its normal. I get the same if I hear someone with a certain accent, or I see a certain type of gate/house. It just triggers so badly, but it does get easier, I promise. I've found the more I see that type of gate, or hear that type of accent, the more my body & brain learn that its not an actual threat. It takes time, but it does lessen. ]
Be kind to yourself & don't rush things, its okay to still be frightened, you can't heal the abuse over night.
x x x
I've been doing the group for about 6 weeks now and found it to be quite helpful. My family and mates are quite supportive which is good. I think they understand my paranoia (one of my mates has blonde hair so he's dyed it). I suppose it'll take time really.
I'm so so happy to hear this, I can't even explain how proud and happy I am for you, you have done amazingly well to go through all this and I'm so glad he is somewhere where he can't hurt you.
I'm also glad you have such a supportive network to help you through this, things will get better and easier. But try not to rush yourself, you're doing so well and I'm beyond happy for you. Be gentle to yourself and take care <3
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Things are getting better, but there are still some problems I have to deal with. My ex implicated others in court and one of these men is trying to intimidate me and keep me quiet.
He knows he is in a lot of trouble and if I keep quiet when asked questions he might get away with the stuff he’s done.
He is extremely desperate and I don’t really know what he might do. He's an unknown quantity to be honest.
It's bonkers. My ex is now in prison where he'll be for 7 years. I'm safe from him but for some reason I don't feel that safe. I feel worse now he's in prison and I don't know why. I should be happy and confident, but I'm not.
I have had another SH relapse, the first in 5 months.
I feel worse now that my ex is in prison. I don't know why either. I thought I'd be better without him being a danger to me but now I feel a million times worse. I'm still having nightmares, flashbacks and still feel to blame for what he did to me because I'm gay. The anger is the worst, I can't stop fighting with my mates. I don't know why either.
