Triggering (SI) - What goes around comes around...

echo_scream · 10-07-2007, 08:10 AM

Well my doctor wrote a letter in reply to my works request to see what state im in, which i got to read first......to say it wasnt good was an understatement it showed me as if i was going to find a building to jump off any second!

so im going to see her in half hour quite worried really i have to show ive actually improved....problem is i find it quite upsetting being there and im more than a little afraid that itll get very personal very fast and ill simply break down.....

She also requested I see a social worker who deals with all this stuff and so as soon as i finish at the docs im off to the shrinks.....Can easyily see myself breaking down at the docs and being given a white jacket to keep me warm at the shrinks.

Strange really everything was going so well got a girlfriend who i care so much for, works actually been okay for a change and i havnt even considered SI in over 3months...

But if this meeting goes south and i then see this care worker i can see myself being put on indeffinate sick leave and all that time alone, all that guilt i can only see myself returning to old habits then ill start pushing people away and..........oh FFS why cant i get a break every step forward seems 2steps back every hope false...dammit unfortunatly i know whatll happen just hope I dont hurt anyone else...sorry for this pointless rambling.

Stellata · 10-07-2007, 06:02 PM

Do you feel that the letter is an honest perspective on your emotional state? How are things really at work? I hear its going well with your girlfriend, and that you're 3 months self harm free... but how's everything else?
You are always entitled to a second opinion if things are way off in their assessment.

bleedingdragon · 10-07-2007, 07:58 PM

Hey
It must have been a shock to read what your dr has written in the letter, the way you are feeling must be scary but im sure its a reflection of how you are feeling or have been feeling.

I hope your appointment with your dr went ok, i understand you being scared, and wanting to prove youve improved. Its not worth hiding the way you feel from the dr if you are struggling, i hope you managed to be honest. I hear you about how upsetting it can be seing your dr, i have been through a similar situation with my dr. I hope it didnt become personal, between your dr and its understandable that your going to be very emotional and posibly break down.

It must be scary for you to then go and see a social worker but im sure if you can be honest and open you can recieve the help and support you need right now. Breaking down at the docs wouldnt naturally lead you to be given a white jacket. Its natural that your going to be very emotional, i certainly was myself, its important that you can be open to your feelings.

I know how scary the thought of this support from a social worker or psych, can be . But again if you are in a position in your life where you need the support please try and understand its for your best interests. I have seen a psychiatrist, and have a community mental health nurse, and im trying to see a pyschologist. I feel that without this support i wouldnt be where i am, i have had some issues myself with them, but it can only help you.
I hope things went well,

Its great youve got a girlfriend who you care very much about, and works been going well, and good for you being 3 months SI free. But if its Depression your going through it can be strange it doesnt matter who you are or what you have in your life, it can still affect you and bring your world crashing down. I hope if your sessions goes south that you can find support for yourself with friends or family, if you have to take time off work. It will be difficult but if you can get support for yourself that can help you through the bad times. Try not to focus on the negative stuff if you can.

Its not a pointless rambling, its your space to express yourself and keep doing it,
please keep posting and we will be here for you
take care
Dave

hypocrisy · 10-07-2007, 08:16 PM

maybe it's what she sees when you visit her. just try to stay calm.

hope your appt. goes well

Destinationzero · 12-07-2007, 04:33 AM

I can't see why breaking down would cause them to put you in a "little white jacket". Everyone has emotions and when they are let go then people have what most consider a "break down" but I consider just a release of emotions. I would get too hung up about it though. Just try to stay at a level you feel you're comfortable at the time with. YOu don't have to get too emotional or deep if you're not ok with it. You set the limits. I hope it all goes well.

Trucktastic · 12-07-2007, 10:50 AM

take care
I think a shrink is going to want to see you be emotional, so I wouldn't worry too much. I also think your GP probably wants to see it too, which is why they have arranged for you to see a shrink.

I hope it works for you - it might make you feel worse at the beginning but it should get better, as long as you try and stick to it.

take care

Lozx