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Why Can't I Do This?
Ok, so, I'll try to make this short. Usually, I get depressed and I lose sight of all my goals/hopes/dreams. I'm afraid I'm slipping, but right now I've not totally lost sight of things. Here's were I am: I need to go and get my GED, the thought of that scares me, I don't think I can handle those sort of situations without support, as far as support goes,..I have none. I don't have a psychiatrists or psychologist.... I don't need advice on how to get one really cause I'm trying, but it's complicated. It frustrates me because I know so many people who don't want to do what it takes to get better or they aren't honest with their psychologist and they have the help and it seems they don't appreciate it or use it. Me, I will do anything it takes to get better. I've tried on my own, but obviously it isn't working. I can't do this on my own, I'm willing to work and do what I have to do to get better. I just want the help. I have a plan for my life, well kind of. A general plan. Trying to make it too specific at this time in my life would be too overwhelming. But I do feel I have some hope. I think I would have more if I could get the help I need though. My faith is being tested. My relationship with God has always been rocky, I'm human, I'm not perfect, I have a long way to go. But right now my faith is being tested I guess. I'm finding it hard to "let go, and let God." I'm having a hard time putting ALL my trust in Him. I just don't know what to do right now. I don't know how I can go about things. Things seem to be too overwhelming. Part of me says, Go for the GED ASAP, and another part of me says, wait and see if you can get help first and then go for it. Part of me says, try and get a job this summer, and another part says, that's too much too fast. I don't know. I'm confused. I'm just trying not to fall. I'm trying to hold on to something,, hope and faith.. possibility of living a somewhat 'normal' life. But this is hard.
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