So the title says it all, is time really a great healer or is this pain permanent?
I know it's only been 2 years since my granda died, I can't expect everything to be peachy straight away, it's just I feel like i'm never going to accept that he is gone, I just can't process it and if I even try to give it a second thought my impulse behaviors return to numb the pain. I'm starting to tear up even writing this post and this is as close as I have been to actually speaking about his death. I just want this cycle to end, I want to be able to honor his life, instead of running away and hiding from the truth. So i'm just looking for someone to shed a bit of inspiration or advice my way.
thanks
x
Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
Keep me under cover in what could of been.
My dad died when i was young and I have no experience of losing someone in adult life so i don't know if my comments will be relevant.
However, time was definitley a healer for me. I guess you just end up accepting that person is no longer around after a certain amount of time and it becomes the norm. It took me years to not be affected by it constantly and even moreso my mum. There is rarely a day when i don't think about my dad at least once and he died 19 years ago and some days it still does upset me.
I don't have any memories of him apart from seeing him in hospital. I'm going to assume you have many positive memories about him from the way you wrote your post and my advice would be to think of them. Everyone is going to go at some point, if someone has touched your life in a special way then be thankful that that person ever existed and you had the pleasure to have known them.
PM me if you want someone to talk to. take care x
I've lost a few people in my life, a couple I wasn't so close to, one I was kind of close to.
When my aunt (honoary, but still felt like she was related) passed last year I couldn't believe it, she seemed so healthy. The funeral was the hardest part for me, the way her children and granchildren and that spoke of me got me so much. I went through a stage were everything reminded me of her, and going past the cemetary was so painful. I'm not as bad anymore, I know that she is safe and watching over me.
There is still days where I wish she was still around, just to hear her happy voice or hear her joke about something. I miss her chats and how she'd always say she wanted a full cup of tea and not half a cup, and that it had to be hot not warm :') these are memories I'll cherish forever, simply because I lover her so much.
I've known her my whole life, grown up with her always popping in unannounced.
In a lot of ways it does get easier, in some ways it doesn't. You can never fill the place where they sat, you can come close, but the place will never be filled.
Over the past few years and the people that are perished around me, I can say that the closer that person was, or the more that they were in your life the harder it is to let go and cope with it all.
I had an elder at church pass away in 2011, it was only a few months after the funeral that I found out she was a semi-distant relative. I think her dad was my great-grandads brother or something like that. And that wasn't too easy to cope with.
But as mentioned above, it does get easier with time, and as I think, the closer they were in your life the harder it is.
I hope this helps in any way.
But just because it burns Doesn't mean you're gonna die
It does but it can still hurt just as much sometimes. My nan died four years ago. It is my birthday tomorrow she died in the early hours of the 28th jan. I am hurting. I sit
L wish I could get her back, that she didn't die but shed be 85 this year so..
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
Like most things in human nature, grief is an individualized experience that is greatly experienced on an individuals terms. There are key players, I think. How you lose someone, the age of someone, etc. But this is my own brain.
I lost my grandmother and grandfather in 2004. I was fourteen then, and that grief has gotten easier. There are nights where I still miss them terribly and wish they were here, and hope that they would be proud of the person I became.
I lost one of my best friends in 2011, and I don't even like to face that death.
This summer, I lost my brother. And I fear to say that grief isn't going to get any easier for me.
If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
I lost my Dad two years ago. For me, I don't think it hasn't gotten any easier, not yet anyway. But it does change. I don't think of it as the pain getting any less (in fact, sometimes I think it gets worse because with every day that goes by I miss him more) but I try and think of it as I'm learning to live with that pain better each day. I try to think that I have to build good things in my life around the grief so that there's times where I can be happy like my Dad would want me to be. But there's other times, like tonight, where it feels just as raw and impossible to stand as it did the very day he died.
I can entirely relate to the feeling like you'll never accept he's gone. I can't begin even for a second to contemplate that he's not coming back, because it's just too painful, and like you, if that realisation does kick in (which it seems to be doing more frequently recently) I have to push it away or do something to numb it cos I just can't handle it. I know that doesn't help you, but just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling that way. Even though I was there and watched my Dad die, I still in a way feel like if I just hold on long enough he'll come back and tell me everythings going to be okay. Sounds crazy I know but its how I feel.
I have heard others further down the track say that time does heal though. But I'm not sure I believe them, I still think its more that with time you get better at handling it.
Sorry if I've rambled and not helped, just struggling too.
Thinking of you x
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
I find it does and it doesn't. I lost my Mum and Granddad 3 years ago and my Uncle last year, prior to them I lost a few friends, my other Grandparents/great great grandmum, 2 cousins, and a few pets as well within the last 7 years
Time does heal but it also depends on supports and everything else too.. It takes time but even then it will and is a long journey. There isn't an overnight fix, and there will never be. Everyday you'll find yourself missing them more, and more but each day is also new and full of just as much life as there is longing and grief.
The one major thing I've learnt from losing many people in my life is that, life won't stop, you have to live it while you can as best you can no matter the obstacles, remember everything has a silver lining - even the bad.
I feel that everyone I've ever lost aren't truly gone though either, they're all only as 'gone' as you feel they are, they may not be around physically but spiritually they can be everywhere and anywhere as long as you want them to be.
