Recently I told someone about the SA that went on when I was younger, it's the first time I have told anyone or ever said it out loud. But its always replaying in my head, it's all I ever think about. I don't sleep well because of the flashbacks, and it makes want to hurt myself. Im so confused because I thought I would feel better for talking about it but I just feel so much worse and I'm scared that I've done the wrong thing by saying anything about it. Is this normal? I jst wanted to make it all go away
I'm sorry for rambling on and if this doesn't make any sense, I jst don't know what's going to happen now that someone knows...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
You haven't done the wrong thing, telling someone about it is usually a really good idea, lifts weight of you
I'm keeping a journal to express my feelings, you could do the same too
Who have you told and what did they say?
Yes, it's normal. I know for me, saying it for the first time was not only admitting to someone else, but also admitting to myself that it had happened. It seemed like I had pulled something I had spent a long time wishing away out of my head and made it more real than it had been before. I don't know if that has been your experience, but I definitely found myself in that situation as well. You haven't done anything wrong. It's not your fault. You did a very good thing for yourself by telling. I hope you got the support and care that you deserve from whomever you told.
I told my councillor about it, who I have been seeing about my SH and other abuse issues, I wrote it down on a bit of paper because I couldn't bring myself to actually say the words. I ddnt say much about it, only as much as to confirm tht thts what I was talking about. I'm not too good at saying things, it's like the words are there but they're stuck in my head and won't come out. Ive never had a journal bt think I might give it a try :)
Yeah, it definately is more real now tht I know tht someone else knows. The last few days have been a kind of a struggle, feel like theres too many thoughts and feelings going round and round in my head tht sometimes I think I might explode. My councillor said tht it was a brave thing for me to do but I dnt feel brave, I feel like a failure because I let it happen...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
You haven't done anything wrong. It's not your fault. You did a very good thing for yourself by telling..
^ i agree
The counsellor would just keep it between you and her, i think you are brave, i felt like a failure too, not being able to stop it, just letting it happen, guess we were both scared it happens alot, don't feel like a failure, anything that happened isn't your fault, just remember that
Keep strong, if you would like to talk to me just pm me, i'll be there *hugs tight*
In my experience, sometimes talking about it makes it feel more real in a sense and it brings it to the forefront of your thoughts. So yes, I'd say what you're feeling is normal.
I'm glad you told someone. Have your feelings about telling someone changed at all since then?
Ye, I feel a bit better now Facet :) I think I was kinda scared of telling someone because your right, it does make it more real and stuff and I ddnt want that person to think badly of me and I thought tht she would think the same bad things tht I think about myself. I find it hard to go into detail about what happened but she said it's ok and tht I can go at my own pace which is good. I jst feel like this is something I have to do and I'm hoping that it gets easier than it is right now :)
Jst want to say thanks again for everyones replies and sorry for taking so long in getting bak to u.
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Your friend sounds really supportive, which is great! I hope in time you'll be able to open up even more about what happened, but yes, take it at your own pace.
Thank you :) It's really good to know that I hav someone to talk to about things when I feel ready but also to know that I can talk to people on here too, it helps and means a lot to me.
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
Wasn't sure if it would be ok to make another thread so thought I would jst use this one
Things aren't good, can't get the images out of my head, they won't leave me alone. Him doing things to me, his touch, his smell, the things he said to me. It was my fault, shouldn't have let him, shouldn't have trusted him. Said if I told then no one would believe me, he would tell them I'm lying. Who would believe a 6yr old over an adult? I'm disgusting and dirty and bad bad bad...and don't know how much more I can take. I want to give up but if i do does that mean he's won?
I don't know what to do anymore, I just want it to go away...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
*hugs gently* It's NOT your fault. You're not dirty or disgusting or bad at all. You were only six! Next time you see a six year old think "Would I consider that child responsible for being abused?", because that's what you're doing. You needed adults to help, protect and care for you. He hasn't won, you just need lots of help to recover from this. *hugs more*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
Thanks :) I jst think I must have done something bad or something wrong. I can't understand it, I can't stop thinking about it and how maybe I mite have been able to stop it. Why can't I jst get over it and forget it ever happened?
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
Because no one can just get over it and forget it, that's not how it works. You need to work through it and get help to learn to cope in new ways. *hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
I just wanted to say thanks for replying and that you've really helped me alot. Going to try and speak to my councillor and explain some of the things I said on here and maybe try to tell her a bit more on what happened, which I haven't been able to do yet because Im too scared and ashamed.
Thank you
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
