I'm not receiving any help right now. Have put myself on waiting list for counselling.
I was doing fine up until now. Recently something has triggered flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, and my mood has dropped.
I thought about seeing the GP, but i don't want medication and am already on the waiting list for counselling. I have also been trying the self-help stuff i.e. grounding, breathing exercises and general exercises. I feel like there is nothing more a GP can do. But i also don't know what to do. I dont want to waste my time and theirs. Especially considering that my previous encounter with the GP did not go so well, i am reluctant to do so. Last time they made me feel like a fool. Like they weren't listening.
What are my options?
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I'm sorry you aren't receiving help. I have been in similar situations. You sound like you're trying really hard to look after yourself in these difficult circumstances.
In my experience the GP can refer you to the services they would think would help (like the CMHT). In the past , I've asked for the GP to monitor me. Do you think regular appointments with the GP to monitor your mental state would help you feel less alone? If you feel the GP you talked to was not listening, could you try another one in the same practice? I'm sorry that happened to you, it is a frustrating experience.
You sound like you need support and I'm glad you're on the waiting list for counselling.
I'm sorry I can't be of help but I empathise with how you're feeling.
What I've done is continue the self help work until the terrible feelings die down. I've tried medication to help me at my worst (a benzodiazepine) and it's helped me a lot.
"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.."
I agree that even if they can't help or do more referral wise, appointments just to check in on you and listen can sometimes be better than nothing. I know that's been the case for me before where just having that as something to sort of hold onto can definitely be of use.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I guess i could try talk to some other GP. I guess i'm worried about the GP being rubbish again! I used to have regular appointmemnts with my previous GP who was very helpful. Ideally, it would help.
They have a diagnosis down of bpd - which i believe is wrong. And now every time i talk to them about my mental health, i reckon they will use that as a basis. Even if i say i don't think its right, they are more likely to believe that because its by a 'professional' than they are to believe me.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I understand what you're saying. Thing is, the symptoms of BPD (that can overlap with PTSD) are serious so they should take note about your current presentation. I'm in a similar position with the diagnosis of BPD but I have had crisis intervention and monitoring when needed. I really hope things improve for you, Sock.
"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.."
To add to what sandalwood said most people with BPD have had trauma and the symptoms of BPD are often a trauma response. It's kind of like the female version of PTSD as more guys are typically diagnosed with PTSD and it can present differently in females. At least this is how some of my old psych professors viewed BPD. Not saying this is true in every case.
Forget the risk and take the fall if it's what you want it's worth it all
I spoke to the GP and she's pushing medication. I've tried medication in the past and has helped with low mood (mood isnt too bad currently - anxiety is mostly the issue). I feel like taking medication will be the opposite of moving forwards. I thought that was a thing of the past.
Anxiety is getting worse each day. Today I felt like i would pass out. Not sure for how long i can go on at work pretending im ok. I don't want anyone to notice. Im using grounding and breathing techniques atm.
Not sure what to do....
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I know. It's just a lot to think about. I'm considering it. It will either be sertraline or fluoxetine. I just dont feel comfortable with the current GPs. Previously the dose was monitored by my old GP when i started antidepressants. The side effects were bad initially. But the GP i spoke to today said I could leave a message if i want to be prescribed the medication. Which makes it sound like they will give it and leave me on my own. When things have gotten worse I have Od'ed on meds. I live on my own so no support whatsoever. I have to think about this too.
The anxiety is really affecting my life though. Getting back to work around people is tough and I'm on edge especially now that there are more people coming in to work.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
Is asking for a follow up appointment to discuss your thoughts/concerns an option before you agree? Sometimes when they say to let them know if you want it, they are trying to give you some time/space to decide because they don't want to seem pushy. I can see why that might feel like they're ignoring you though. Maybe if you let them know you've had bad side effects and it could be a potential overdose risk, then they can help figure out what other support you would need?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Another thing you could do if you're worried about side effects is ask for a genetic test. There is a genetic test they can do to tell you what medications would work best for you. I believe it tells you which ones will be most effective and which are likely to cause more side effects- all based on your DNA.
Forget the risk and take the fall if it's what you want it's worth it all
How is your anxiety and depression affecting you? is it causing issues with food/drink/sleep or tiredness/fatigue, difficult to concentrate or work on a project, causing issues at work, home, uni, with people etc. How are you coping with things such as money etc? These are kinda things you've gotta mention to GP, do not say you just feel depressed or anxious as if it was feeling word.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Just wanted to pop by and say I had read your post and to offer you some care and support. You are not on your own with all of this - we are here for you.
