feeling like a failure at trying to recover

Kelly* · 02-03-2009, 11:00 PM

i went to my appointment with my nutritionist today, and it was the first time i had gone in a little more than two months. Some stuff happened and i wasnt willing to go talk to her, or anyone on my treatment team for that matter. but anyways...

I always feel like such a failure. That my doctor/therapist/dietician all think that i don't want to get better. I wish, more than anything, that my bulmia could just be gone and i could just let go of it. I wish i KNEW what needed to be done, and that I knew what would help me stop doing this, but i honestly have no clue. I feel so terrible when they ask me things like " what can i do to help you?" or "what do you think is something that would work to help you stop?" or basically any questions along those lines...its like i should know, but i dont, and it makes me feel like a failure, and terrible patient. What are the answers they are looking for that i obviously dont have...ughh

can anyone relate?

Sleepless123 · 02-03-2009, 11:17 PM

i dont have an ED so hope you dont mind me replying.Firstly well done for getting to your appointment!After not seeing anyone for quite a while and not being prepared/able to talk to them and then go back to it is terrific and an achievement in itsself.i know it can be hard so dont forget that just by going you have achieved so much today.

Secondly and the main reason im replying is cos though i dont have an ED i have been asked similar questions about what would help etc with the problems i do have.i never really know the answer though can occasionally point to small things like not being alone, someone there to understand, not to be judged but i can never think of anything specific usually or what type of person/professional i think would be most able to help me or whatever.i find those questions really difficult too.

i guess people only ask them cos they want to help but i know it can leave you feeling bad - i have often felt this way too.

But please try to realise it is probably only cos they do want to help or find something which will.

Also i guess they may ask cos some people may know/think they know or have very specific ideas about what may/would help them but not feel able to say so i guess its a way of the therapist or other professional to find out what peoples expectations/hopes/thoughts are.

Also im not sure there are any right or wrong type of answers to these questions [and the answers probably vary from person to person and if you give any to these questions if you are asked them you should really probably make sure they are genuine to you not just what you think people want to hear!] but i often wonder so if you ever find out any right or wrong answers do let me know!

But i think your answers have to be genuine to you.

And if you dont know what would help you then maybe you could spend some time thinking about it but if at the end of the day your not sure right now then im sure that should be accepted too!

im sorry that youve been struggling.

Good luck.

Kelly* · 02-03-2009, 11:30 PM

that you for taking the time to reply to me and write all that. i don't mind at all that you're not struggling with an ED. thanks for being so understand, and it really seems like you understand where im coming from. I really need someone that gets it.

I get what you're saying about the answers can't really be right or wrong since they are different for everyone. I try to think so hard about it, but i never get anywhere. The only things i think of that could are ones that could never happen. It just feels so pointless.

PvblikSuicide · 02-03-2009, 11:55 PM

Yeah I can totally relate. I hate those questions where people want to know how to help you. It's like if I knew what would help, I would tell them. I always feel horrible when I got to a professional and I'm not doing well. I always assume that they think that I don't want help. IDK. I'm sorry that you are feeling like a failure. I just wanted to let you know that i could relate.

Sleepless123 · 03-03-2009, 12:01 AM

Its ok.i could really relate to what you wrote even if we have different problems but still get similar questions!i often feel like a failure when i get asked these questions cos i can rarely even answer them at all either and i feel like i should be able to so i know what you mean when you say you truly do think about it but still dont come up with much!Its horrible feeling a failure and i wish you didnt have to feel like that and im sure others wouldnt have intended their questions to make you feel this way but i know its hard not to.You say there may be things that you could think of that might help but that they could never happen?Say more if you want to but its ok if you dont - i can understand that too!i hope that you begin to feel better again soon and keep talking if it helps.We are here to listen and support and you are not alone!

Kelly* · 03-03-2009, 02:58 AM

to pvbliksuicide-thanks for the response. i always say to myself like "if i knew how to fix this..i most likely wouldnt be paying you to help me do it" its nice to know others feel like this too.

to sleepless123-thank you for all of ur supporting words. they've really made me feel a lot better. and the only things i think up are things that will never..ever change. certain things will never go away, and ive come to terms with them that i cant change them and neither can other ppl.