Severely Triggering (ED) - Indecisiveness and Breaking Point

[chipstick3000]

i don't know what to do with my life atm and its making me want to end it.

Option 1: Day Therapy

Pro's

• Intensive, large amount of support
• Need to take a year out from uni, means less pressure
• Could change my life and my attitude towards it
• learn to love myself??
• work in the last 9 months of the year and save money.
• Focus solely on recovery

Con's

• I would need a job to live and last time i had a job i cried before and after every shift.
• Year out from the only thing i enjoy
• Not sure i'm really 'ill' enough or deserving
• spending my final year with no friends
• my bf doesnt want me to do it

Option 2: Nothing/ CBT or Something
Pro's

• Get to continue studying and graduate a year sooner
• Les strain financially
• could learn to love myself and be happy
• Its what my bf wants me to do
• little change to my life. change = anxiety

Con's

• What if its not enough?
• What if i cant cope with my degree and i fail and hate myself forever?
• it'd be easier to 'ignore' progess or focus on things other than recovery.

i don't know what to do. My cpa is in 2 weeks and i know i'm on the waiting list for day therapy but i dont know if i want it or need it or deserve it. i just dont want to have to make a decision, i want them to make it for me or something. ahh. sorry i'm just stressing. i woke up today and thought it'd be a miracle if i'm was still alive at the end of it.

[Behind the Smile]

I vote option 1.
It will be better for your health and well being, I know there are other things that concern you which is understandable. But once your health improves, everything else will too. You deserve help and to get through this. Concentrate on your health before anything else, it's what is most important right now. I know it's a hard decision but, don't stress too much. Whatever you decide, you're still getting help which in itself is a big achievement.

[[Pixie]]

I think a year out so option one sounds alot better for you.
if you can focus soley on recovery then i think that is the right choice.
Im speaking from experience as i took this year out to focus on my recovery & its not easy, prepare yourself for thoughts like "im doing nothing so i can stay ill". Just make sure your mind really is ready for recovery & you will find away to overcome those thoughts like i am finally doing.

I think its also your decison and talking to your boyfriend might help buut dont pick his option because he wants it.
Listen to your gut feeling. - only you know whats best for you, so listen to your heart babes.

[finallylivinglifex]

it is your decision in the end so as said above, listen to what you feel. not what your boyfriend thinks. his input may be helpful, but don't let it steer you in a direction.

by taking a year off to do the day therapy and recover, by focusing solely on recovery you have a better chance of remaining recovered. you do deserve it. you will learn to love yourself because you are worth loving. your ed just doesn't let you see that yet. plus the fact that you noticed there are chances for you to think about other things other than recovery and 'ignore' progress means you are likely to do so, and that may be damaging to your health for a number of reasons. plus although day therapy means change, because you will have so much support, they will help you cope with that change and relieve you and help you deal with your anxiety. plus you did say day therapy could change your life. doing nothing doesn't really give you a chance to do that. plus recovering without the stress of uni sounds like it'd be VERY nice and make the whole process over all just easier/better.

hope you make the right decision, and by that i mean do what you want to do, not what anyone else wants you to do. because you know how you really feel and no one else can make the decision for you. <3 *hugs* xx hope you're having a nice day anyways!