Will tomorrow be a better day? (Tiggering maybe)

[<3br0ken_wings<3]

A month ago I found out that the medication I am on for my mental health reasons was effecting my heart. So I was told that I would have to come off them.

I went to a meeting with my nurse, therapist and Doctor and they insured me that they would see me weekly as they start cutting down on the medication. They stated I would have withdrawals as I have been on them for years and with their reassurance I walked out of the meeting optimistic about the journey I was about to adventure on.

However they have not seen me weekly nor once since this change and now I am feeling the withdrawals worse then they have been the last couple of weeks. I have rang and complained a lot and my cry's for help have gone in vain.

I had a some friends helping me out. And my family, well lets just say they have never been there and I don't think they intend to ever be. But that is something I have come to turns with.

"Its just the withdrawals" well I know that but there has always been a reason behind me wanting to self harm or die and I can work on what has triggered it and most times get out of the state I am in. But I am having major difficulties with this as there is nothing I can do to make me feel better. I do all the things I use too and there is no pleasure in it what so ever but I keep doing it hoping that when I get home at night. instead of crying and not being able to sleep as I fear I will take my life and not know what for that I may just get a good sleep and feel better for it. But instead I get everything ready to try and kill myself but sit there looking at it bawling. The only thing I am holding on to is what if tomorrow is the day that I'm back to my old self. But I'm scared that before I even get to the point I am going to do something I will regret or be dead and not able to regret.

I guess I m writing this as I need advice or people that understand. As all my friends don't. I'm desperate. I don't want to die.

[JusC]

Hi there, I do understand completely. You arnt on ur own. It may feel like it but ur not the only one going through a emotional breakdown right now. It's hard to know that everything what's happened in ur life has suddenly had this effect on u as well.

You would think ur family and friends would be there for u but u did mention some of ur friends have helped but don't seem to get anywhere. I'm not sure the reasons why ur family sent there for u cuz they should be as thats what family is all about. Should atleast visit u or give u a call once a week.

I know it's hard how ur feeling. Must not be easy. If u had someone there for u it would be little bit better knowing someone is there no matter what. It's a shame there's no one who can be.

You said about the medication ur on for whatever reason ur taking it. It could be that u have been on the medication for years as u said and its starting to have an effect on u. Usually the doctor would put u on medication for a short period of time depending ur state of mind and not the same medication. Have u told ur doctor about this?

It's good that u are slowly coming off it knowing that ur feel better once u start getting it decreased but u mentioned withdraws? Thats kind of like side effects isn't it? Thats cuz ur slowly coming off the medication. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

I see its not helped with ur sleeping. I suppose that's playing a part to illness. There anyway u could try and help getting urself to sleep easily? Trying mindfulness. Have u heard of Mindfulness? It's a good way of helping u to relax. If u want I can pm u with some handy tips. Would u like that?

Dont say that! Your not better off at dying. Your doing good to be getting help and getting the best help for urself. You have the right to feel how u feel. If the doctor, nurse or therapist hasn't really helped then u should be on them as it's unprofessional for them to leave u in the lurge like that. Have u heard from them since? What mental health team are u with?

It's important if u could get someone to be there for u. Those friends u mentioned. What about them? Just to be there for u when they can. It's not good u being on ur own like this. You don't need to feel lonely all the time. Do u socialise at all? I mean are u in a club, ar college or at work? If not what support are u getting for that in terms of living?

As u said, tomorrow's a new day and even if it will be another day another struggle u know ur getting somewhere each day no matter how long it takes. You may feel lonely right now what will giving up on ur life prove? Nothing will it?

You are doing well. Keep getting the support u need and always seek medical attention if u feel that ur not coping. Seriously! You dont have to do this on ur own. Never give up. I know everyone on RYL will miss u if u did. We all understand. I understand. If I didnt care I wouldn't of messaged u but I did :)

I'm here if u wanna talk ok :)

[<3br0ken_wings<3]

So firstly I will answer your questions, as I can see myself getting confused on where I'm up too. sooo..

My family only like perfect in there life's and I am far from it so I have been disowned for a number of years now I try to contact them but they do not wish to hear from me so I will keep there wishes. but I will keep my doors open for when they decide I am worthy or come to there senses that there is no perfect.

The reason for me being on the medication I am on for the long period of time is because it was affective and still is for my depression and PTSD. They had tried many before they found the right ones. But they have start to wear a toll on my health hence why I am to come off them. Then once I'm off they will look into other ones that won't have the same health effects. That's if I still will need them.

Yes it's all side effects of coming off it, my GP said it would pass maybe a couple of weeks to a month or more as it was a huge dose of an antidepressant and they took a quarter of it off a first then when I start to go back to the old me again they will wait 2 weeks before they decrease it again.
which makes me want to just stop the whole lot at once so once all the side effects are over I don't have to go through it again but that's my irritated side coming out.

yes I have done the classes for mindfulness and have been using them as well as other distractions I normally use but they don't seem to be working. But you may have some that I don't know and that would be nice for you to forward them on thank you.

My mental health team are normally good but maybe they have been tied up with something else. I did have calls on Friday after I had took it out of there hands and went to my GP and she gave them an earful, so I have 2 appointments for the week after next and that will be at about the one month mark since they said they would see me weekly. I'm with the hospital mental health in New Zealand (not sure if that was what you were meaning or weather it was where I was located in NZ)

My friends are doing all they could possibly do they themselves have contacted my mental health team. and have been taking me out and doing the stuff I normally enjoy doing. But its saddens them that I'm not enjoying them as much and I think they feel there effort have gone in vain, which I do try and enforce that what they are doing is awesome and to not feel bad about it not being enjoyable for me at the moment. but yes they are still there they just don't fully understand.

Yes I work, have my church group I attend and try as much as I can to be as social as I was before.

I don't want to end my life I have been the happiest I have been in years, I cant seem to wipe the thoughts of it to the point where they are over powering my thinking at times and no at the moment I don't sleep much so my thoughts are just about 24/7 and I'm scared that I will get too weak and tired and do it.

thanks for replying it seriously means a lot and I have taken it all in.

[JusC]

That's ok Broken Wings. I'm glad to have helped. You don't have to feel like ur on ur own. You know u got ur husband there to support u.

There's no such thing as perfect so dont know why they would think that of u. No one is perfect. I'm not sure what they are trying to say but they should be here for u when ur going through a hard time. That's what family is all about. Maybe in time u will make up but atleast u got ur husband and ur friends.

I'm glad that ur friends have been there for u. I know they can do all they can but u need someone who will be there for u two. It's good to meet them now and again and catch up. You will feel u then and u said ur generally happy and that will.

Good to know ur doing ok. I wouldnt think u would be happy but good to know u are. You said ur life seems to be ok. I know ur not in a good place but it's fine. You do have ur work which can take ur mind of things etc.

When would the Mental Health Team get back in touch? There anyone u can speak to in the mean time? You said about ur GP

It's normal to feel like that right now. I can understand why ur not sleeping well. It's good that ur husband is there for u. You should always talk to someone if u feel low. There are people who can u know.

Will send u the Mindfulness Tips.