Had enough

[Esmay]

I don't know how to put what im feeling into words.I don't want to go home.Im scared,suicidal and alone.Too much is going on at home.I wished I could just move out but I'm not old enough.I am thinking of asking one of my friends if I can stay with her but she doesn't live in the same place as me .I have been doing things I wouldn't usually do.Ive messed everything up and everything is my fault : ( I am feeling so low

[Pi.R^2]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. How far away does your friend live? If you think she'll say yes and it's not too far, it might be worth asking, just to give you some respite from whatever is going on at home and give you a chance to collect your thoughts.

What makes you think that you've messed things up?

Take care.

[Esmay]

Thanks for replying.She lives about 4 hours away something like that and I don't know if her parents will say yes or not but I'm going to ask her anyway.I feel like I've messed things up because my thoughts and voices have been so bad lately and I've been getting into a lot of trouble but most of it I can't remember :(.Im fed up of everything .

[Pi.R^2]

Oh gosh, that is far! I hope she her parents say yes, and that you are able to get there.

Have you had any contact with mental health services to help you with the thoughts and voices? I don't want to pry, but if you do want to discuss the trouble you've been getting into (the bits that you do remember), then feel free to post about it here.

[Isoverity]

I doubt "everything" is your fault. Kids always think that - even when parents get divorced they think its their fault. That is because being emotionally upset about anything causes guilt. People then misinterpret that guilt. If I yelled "Its raining and its Esmay's fault!" and you got upset, you could indeed feel guilty for the train. Watch your upsets and don't feed into them. Don't analyse things when upset (or when "too happy") because the mind lies at those times. When you're calm and objective your mind can have realisations. When you're upset and analytical you fall into your own mental and emotional machinery. People can spend their whole lives stuck there and go from mistake to mistake. Being patient is a skill that gets better with practice and desire.

[Esmay]

Thanks isoverity I sort of understand what you mean.

Yeah narcissa I have seen camhs before and one of the things I got into trouble for was stealing something from a shop the security guard caught me.It didnt feel like me that did it but I know it was.

[Patent Pending]

Hey Esmay,

Did you manage to ask your friend about staying with her?

A lot of people get into trouble when they're ill, try not to be so hard on yourself if you can.

How has this afternoon been?

x x x

[Esmay]

I did ask her yes but she said that she need to ask her dad as her mum will let me but its up to her dad too. Yesturday afternoon went ok I broke down in years last night because I felt alone and like no one wanted me around .Today have been a good day besides having urges to selfharm this morning .I am going to see a mental health women tomorrow I've never met her before and I'm a little nervous .What if she ask questions I can't or don't want to answer if I don't answer them she might not want to work with me :(

[Esmay]

I feel so crap right now :( I can't think about anything good because my head us just full with dark thoughts :(. I really hate my life.Its not that much to ask to want if to stop and be over is it!!.I don't understand what it is that I've done so bad for life to treat me the way it is .Im a stupid kid .:( I just want to give in .