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Graphic - My reason to still be alive
I have considered suicide many times, but when I truly get down to thinking about it I know I won't even. I know because I think that even if the stars still shine and the sun still comes up, the few people who actually care about me will be so upset. they'll think it's their fault for not "seeing the signs" and asking them selves while sobbing in their homes, with a tight chest making it hard to breathe "why couldn't I help her?" I can't do that to the ones I love. Especially to the one who has to find me, it could be my baby brother the only one I love more than anything and also the only one who I've been able to keep in the dark about my situation. I don't want him to be sad the rest of his life because he found me after I killed myself. I don't want that, and I don't want to have to feel this way. Everyone else who does know about it and all my struggles believes I have the power to do that to myself. One day after spring break, I told a friend I did something stupid when she asked what was bothering me. I told her to take a guess and the first thing she asked was if I tried to take my own life. I hadn't, I only cut myself that time, but as this progresses I'm realizing how out of control this really is. And I don't know if the next time she asks I'll be able to answer the same.
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