Not harsh at all! I don't have any plans. I think I'll clean the house and watch a movie. I'm chatting with a lovely friend on whatsapp so if she's around I'll keep that up too.
I don't know why I don't want to tell her (my friend I'm seeing today). I don't want her to worry. She's been going through some hard days and crying a lot and I don't want to make it all about me. I'm sure she could give me support and already it's super nice we are meeting up today else my Easter was going to be all alone. She's very nice. She is on my course and knew about my attempt last year. It made her very sad and we've become better friends since so I'd hate to see her face now.
I do remember telling you that :D they are collector bears but were at a reduced price. And yes still very excited about my tattoo. Had a dream I got a tattoo last night. .. It was a Mermaid holding a septor with the psychology logo on top :p
Yes I'll ask my doctor for the meeting to happen that way.
Thank you again xxx
Last edited by Snow White. : 20-04-2014 at 02:53 AM.
I'm very very anxious right now. I did talk to my friend. She was supportive. I have a lot to say I'm going to just rant it all out and hope it gets rid of my anxiety a bit. I've had a valium (I'm prescribed them PRN).
She was polite but asked why they didn't keep me in the hospital which made me feel. .. really unwell.
My anxiety is much better I think the Valium is working, I put nice music on and my dog is asleep in my lap.
I was worried I caught gastro in the hospital because my tummy felt funny, but it was anxiety causing my funny tummy.
I guess it's just started to hit me after I talked with her that this is actually serious. In my head it was bad but, over. And not a huge deal.
Yeah it is a definite sign of my anxiety. I don't feel physically ill just the tummy bit when I think about the anxiety so I know it is just the anxiety.
The propranolol is good, I didn't take it today because of the overdose I didn't want to put medication in me but I'll get back on all of them tomorrow.
It's 9pm so I'm just watching trashy tv. I should stop talking about my anxiety here for a bit because I'm struggling to cope.
I'm smoking cigarettes to calm me down and had another Valium. Burning a nice candle and I'll go to bed early.
Yeah it makes it worse to think of it. Just now anyway not sure if always.
Thanks for being here Amy you are lovely.
It is scented yes I love it. I hope I do also early too.i might have another Valium when it comes to that. I considered asking someone to come stay with me but I don't think it's that bad yet.
That is a good idea. But it's already 930 so I might just go to bed. I've calmed down so I'll take advantage of that.maybe have a nice shower with my new body soaps first :)
I'm okay but I can't shake the anxiety, mostly just the physical sense of anxiety. I've had a beta blocker that should kick in and a valium. I'm going out to dinner with my bro and his gf for dumplings (not a 100% safe food but amazing and I've eaten there a lot I trust them). My brother is driving so I'll try to bear it but know I can take medication if I need.
Being thrust back into this anxiety is not good for my mental health because I find it very difficult to deal with.
Tonight I'll try and be mindful. "I am anxious and that's okay, this will pass".
I'll try and just let the thoughts be and not engage with them.
Carmen I told them I have been low and that as my dad is away next week I would like there support. I also had a really serious chat with my brother about my concern that he will start to use drugs and I feel really bad about that because I can't tell how it went.
I'm starting to realise I still don't feel that safe. I don't feel okay. I don't want to be fighting these battles any more. I'm very scared that my Dad being away for a week leaves me in a vulnerable state.
I don't know what I was anxious about before dinner. I am less anxious now but I am worried about all the things I have to do this week - despite being my "week off" I am overloaded with work.
Oh Aimee, I'm sorry things have been so difficult <3 I'm glad you got help and you're 'okay' though.
I'm glad you were able to ask for support while your dad's away, that is such a positive step. Are there any friends, professionals etc you could also ask for extra support during that week?
I know that having lots of work to do is stressful and not great when you're feeling so bad anyway, but maybe it could be useful as a way of staying distracted. Could you make a timetable for yourself, including time for work, and time to do some nice things for yourself as well? I live on my own at the moment, and it can be bad when things aren't great, but I always find that making plans to get out and see people does help, so maybe that is something to bear in mind as well.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way. You can do this <3 xxxx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Hopefully it would be a distraction, I've made a to do list which makes it clear what I have to do tomorrow.
I'm worried I might fall backwards quickly. I feel like overdosing put me in the middle of a canyon and I've only just crawled out of it but I haven't walked far enough away from the edge of the canyon. And a big breeze could knock me back in. Maybe I'm just being dramatic. I'm exhausted.
Don't dwell on worries. Or try not to. It'll make things a lot easier. x
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
It's really good that you've spoken to people around you about supporting you while your dad is away. It's a great idea to have that there in case you need it.
It's also a great idea to plan out your work, rather than having it as a big heap that seems huge. As others have said though, remember to take care of yourself as well as your work. Perhaps plan rewards for yourself to break up the workload, say complete something or two things from your list and then plan something nice to reward yourself and relax. It's important to remember that your care is the number 1 priority.
I can relate to feeling like you've climbed the canyon but you're still not far enough away from it. That's not dramatic at all. Perhaps try to look at all the things that you have done, the achievements you've made to get out of that place, and remember the things that are keeping you from being back there. You have worked very hard and you are making very good plans to keep yourself where you are. Try to see the strength you have shown doing these things. That strength, and the foresight you are using, are like harnesses that are keeping you away from that edge and securing you so you don't have to fall right back down to the bottom again.
I hope your anxiety gets better and you find it easier to cope with it. It's a really good idea to use mindful techniques when you feel your anxiety getting hold. I can understand how hard it can be sometimes, but you are doing very well in using these techniques, along with the other supports you have, in controlling your anxiety.
Again, well done on the wonderful progress and care you are showing yourself. I know sometimes it feels like you're not really moving forwards, but from what I've read you are doing really well in moving on from a very horrible time, you should be very proud of yourself for that.
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
