Triggering (ED) - How did you develop an ED?

[LalaLand]

I just thought I'd ask because I dont think my eating disorder began because of my body at all, it was all about the control. I think that as a result of my eating disorder weight has become an issue (obviously!) but it wasnt why it started. I was 14 when I first decided not to have lunch because my friends were ignoring me. I wanted to have something that was all mine, that they couldnt take away.

So yea, just wondered how everyone else's began.

Maddie xxx

[Keep Smiling]

i don't know how mine developed.

i remember when i was 14 and i decided not to eat untill i was able to move on from a certain ex-boyfriend. that was the first point i suppose. and then i started making myself sick when my Auntie died the December before last... i don't know why i did it but its carried on from then and is now to do with weight.

lucy.
x x x

[Stellata]

A Brief History of Katie's borderline - anorexia

~ not being breast fed. feeling eternally emotionally and physically starved by that.

~ being born premature, at very low birthweight, being slow to grow and gain weight, being 'naturally' underweight and small. scared of breaking this mold.

~ all the arguements and rows and domestic violence that took place at meal times at home.

~ being bullied at school, my lunch taken and hidden. noone cared.

For me its a cry for help, a craving for nurture, control, as well as a protection. In a distorted kind of way.

[*Beth*]

Mine started when i was about 15, i'd always been naturally underweight, but started to fill out and hated it. I liked being thin and wanted to stay that way... and it just got out of control.

[~XxxFireflyxxX~]

I'm not really sure, it started when I was 14 and I think it was to do with control, self hatred and just fed up of being fat. I was never thin, but I was never fat either,

I think dancing contributed quite a lot as well because its expected that if you are to suceed at dancing that you are very thin. This correlation betwen success and being thin has been transfereed to exam situations as well so my ED is always more prevelant during exams because if I'm not thin I'm a failure.

I think other past hapenings have also contributed but I'm unsure.

Sophie
Xxx

[Nici-x]

Ive been trying to lose weight since i was like 7. My father used to always tell me that i was fat and discusting, and that no one likes fat and discusting people. So from an early age i was always conscious of what i was eating. Gradually through the years i became completely obsessed with food. I guess it got serious when i was around the age of 15. Everyone at home was telling me that i was fat, brothe and sister probs did this down t the ffact they heard it so much from my dad. I have no power/control at home .. so this is my control. I have control.
Um, i cant think of the specific time that i said to myself.. right i will only eat 500 cals a day from now on.. dont think it happened like that for me it was a gradual process. The past few years i gained more control of restricting i guess.

[broken spirit]

Started a few years ago, i suppose. I was told I was fat by previous boyfriends, and I was friends with people who were anorexic. they were my 'motivation'. also, my mom says that i'm not to have chocolate or icecream or anything because of the fat and calories and that i cant afford any more than i already take in. its a constant struggle, whether i 'technically' have an ED or not.

[soundtrack_to_your_escape]

the control thing is there for me too, i wanted something secure in my life after my dad died and i had to give my son up for adoption. i also think i like having a "dirty little secret"

my mum has never helped matters when she started calling me fat and a "piggywigwig" and going on about the way i looked after i gave birth. and since then i've been obsessed.

ex boyfriends never help when they tell you "you can only improve, and you should lose about 2-3 stone" and your eyes widen and you panic...great fun

thats it for me i think.

[surprising mystery]

Well I have always been small and maybe slightly underweight. I was always the smallest person in primary school. We even did a peice of group work in year 3 where we all measured parts of our bodies and weight etc. I was right at the bottom of the graph. I hated it mostly, but its what made me different, and I felt it was the only thing I had. When I got to middle school i was seriously bullied for being skinny.. skin-head (dunno why) and stick were common names, I truely believe if people didnt know my real name they would probably know one of these.

I did to start with want to put on weight, but then I actually wanted control, as it was so difficult to put on weight, I started to try and loose it. It worked.. finally I could do something. When I was about 10-13 I would loose weight mainly from just not eating triggered by the stress of bullying. But when I got to 13/14 I used it as a deliberate way of coping, sometimes I was too stressed to eat but more and more I refused food to distract and cope. I also lacked apetite when I was low and unhappy.

Sometimes I liked being skinny, then suddenly I would hate it and feel fat. I guess any sort of ED-NOS started about this age. I never made myself sick, I would only restrict and sometimes do too much exercise (back then I didnt think it was possible to do TOO much exercise) When I was in sixth form I started to lack appitite due to depression, I then tried to end it all, got put in hospital and refused to eat and drink. I was still angry that I had survived and was still trying to end everything. I lost a lot of weight in three weeks, well a stone, but when your bearly 7 stone to start with a stone is quite a lot to loose. My BMI dropped to 15.9 and I was put in another hospital (psych unit) not because of this directly but because of depression and being a serious danger to myself. When I was there however they did make me eat, else I wouldnt be aloud out, and they monitored my weight every week.

Since all this, I would say about age 14/15 I was on the path to illness in the form of an ED. Whether or not I actually ever had one is unknown since I was only diagnosed with ED-NOS when I was in hospital. So I cant account for the time after and certainly not the time before. But I wouldnt mind betting I had had ED-NOS for a fair while beforehand as I did always get a bit obsessed with calories and weight and BMI even when I was like 14.

[tatty kitty]

from a young age my dad would always make my weight a big issue even though i was a very petite girl as im a dancer. he would also introduce my step sister to friends or boyfriends as the thin one (even though i was smaller and thinner) he has sort of, destroyed my self confidence.

my ed really kicked off when i was 15, i realised my last 3 long term boyfriends had left me for girls thinner than myself. and my current boyfriends ex was anorexic.
i've never really had friends at school or college, id always sit outside alone and smoke or sit in the toilets. i used to try replace my hunger with smoking.
my ED has also been very invloved with my SI.
my ed revolves muchly around other people influences on me and what they think of me, but all i really want is to be accepted by friends and loved ones.
plus, everyone seems to remember the pretty thin girls..

[Psiren]

Well I havent been diagnosed with an eating disorder or anything, but I have strange (unhealthy) eating patterns. I guess they came from a large number of sources.
- Binging is probably because I come from a family of big eaters, my grandma is always offering food or biscuits so that might be a cause.
- I used to stop eating for whole days if I got really mad. Don't know why, I just did it.
- I was bullied for a long time for being overweight and people I see who seem to be happy and have lots of friends and relationships are thin. So at first it was all about loosing weight because that would make me a better, happier person.

Now it's turned more into a control issue. If I start to eat 'properly' I get scared I'm going to loose control, and restricting to a certain number of calories means I have control.

[Scabette]

I lack self confidence. I didn't want to take up too much space in the world. I thought I'd look better thinner. I lost my appetite due to depression. I wanted to look as sick as I felt.
I started off when I was about 15 replacing lunch with a packet of sweets, because I had no appetite. Then breakfast became fruit (don't like eating in the morning). I started keeping a food diary. I was 16. Over 1000 kcals suddenly seemed too much. It was all I thought about, to try and distract myself from stress and depression. Then I wanted to be the thinnest, and to make myself so so sick...
Then I got sent to therapy. And apparently I'm fixed now.

[hurt-myself]

well my obsession with weight started first when i was about 13. people in school gave me the impression that thin=beautiful=loved.
i lost about 12kilos but on a more or less healthy way.

following years were ok and i gained a bit again.

then, with about 15 or 16 i had some problems with myself and family, school etc. and started cutting.
because of that i lost a relationship.
i stoppe cutting. but the problems remained.
and i suddenly thought that i was too fat. well i'd always thought that...

so i reduced my dayly intake more and more. i was so obsessed by scales until i ate about 300calories/day.

now i'm "better". much better. yet i can't eat "normal" every day. but i try to... *lil soul striptease*...

[confuzzled]

Mine was to do with control. I lost the control when my dad was abusing me, i wanted to control my body, and this was the only way how to. I hated myself for what he did therefore it just gave me more reasons to loose weight and to get caught in this trap.
Now he's no longer here i still feel it's about control, but other aspects have come into it now. But yeah overall it's control. xx

[SugarKane]

From what I remember mine started when I began puberty, around 9/10 - that was the first time I remember making myself sick, counting calories and exercising obsessively. And I can't even say why, apart from maybe the obvious one about not wanting to develop as a woman. The bulimia started in earnest around 14/15 after a phase of compulsive eating left me pretty overweight and teased at school. At 19 eventually I was anorexic and incapable of eating half a banana. I think all of it stemmed from zero self esteem and a desperate need to be liked and accepted, and a fundamental hatred for myself.

[Eska]

I was 13, and I started getting taller and slimming out a bit. This seemed like a good thing; I looked better, felt better, so I started adjusting my eating. It developed into a way to make myself happier - I felt better about myself and so was more confident and outgoing - and that was the effect I kept pursuing.

[ashlee_118]

i was about 15 and things at home got complicated and other stuff with school and relationships and i just felt like most aspect of my life were falling apart and i couldn't do anything so i started restricting to be in control, also was constantly told i wasn't good enough so i deserved to hurt myself and suffer that when the bulimia kicked in.

[Ashleygray]

I was ALWAYS "The Fat Kid"
I was bullied in school.
My family looked at me with discust.

So i decided to change it.
I lost weight.
I liked the positive feedback from the people arround me.

I developed Bulimia.
Now i can't stop.

[random.swirls]

I changed schools and felt fat I went on a diet and yep. I never was fat that was the stupid thing.