How do I stop my self-harm addiction? Advice?

[MiloHere]

I'm new here and I've been struggling with this for two whole days. About three days ago I gave in and self-harmed, I was a year clean.
I have PTSD: It can lead to me having seizures or shutting down. I got overwhelmed with emotions and freaked out, I wish I just thought it through, and tell myself it was okay. Afterward, it felt like a relief but the next day I felt ashamed. I have no intention of ever killing myself nor am I unhappy. I just can't seem to let this go. Even though I have been clean up to this point I've been having urges to relapse from time to time. I know this might be hard to believe but I am happy. I'm in a good relationship, an amazing mindset, great education, etc. Which is why it hurts so much to see myself let go like this.
My friends noticed my fresh cuts, they didn't say anything but I knew what they were thinking. When I got home later that day all I could think was "I'm sorry". It broke me to see that gaze from them because they noticed how happy I've been.
I do love myself, I love everything about me. Why can't I let this addiction out of my mind? I don't want it to hurt or ruin my relationships anymore. I hold myself to full accountability, I think I just need help. Any advice to help me stop feeling this way? I know it takes time and I'm ready to do anything to stop this.

Thank you for reading this, have a good day. ❤️

[Pi.R^2]

Hey there, sorry to hear that you had a wobble. It may help to try to think of it like that - 1 year free of self-harm with just one little wobble. It doesn't take away what you've achieved at all. It sounds like making yourself accountable and taking this wobble really seriously is helpful to you in terms of preventing it becoming something more but do try not to be too hard on yourself. Recovery is really difficult and accidents happen.

Are you able to remove easily accessible tools? It sounds like if you'd had to spend a little time looking for them it would have forced you to have more time to think about it and ultimately decide against it.

Do you have professional support for your PTSD?

[StepSoftlyGhost]

To be honest, I'm feeling this exact same way right now. Have done for days. The only reason I didn't do anything yesterday is because I don't have anything to hand that I'd feel comfortable doing it with. Which isn't the best long-term solution as I can change that with a little more determination, but another thing that's helping is sharing it with you guys.

Something that I remember helping when I was younger was snapping elastic bands on my wrist, and just endlessly writing down how I felt.

I hope this passes soon for you and you begin to feel better.

[angi]

Hi there! First, congrats for one year free, it must have been tough and i am so proud of you. i have been through that too.

A couple of months ago, even tho I was in a happy place and had no self-harm thoughts, something that a person told me, without any bad intentions, triggered me so much that all i could think of was just how much i wanted to be home and cut myself. I just missed the feeling of relief and adrenaline that I could have felt in that moment.

When I got home, I felt ashamed, and came to the realization that it's because of how I interpret things that are told to me, how I interpret my thoughts, feelings and ideas. it does take time and the most important things u can do is understand yourself and try to look at things differently (sound easier than it could ever be).
I guess this is a journey that only we can change through inner work and i think that's the scary part, coming in contact with that part of ourselves that we tried so much to let go of and forget about. Maybe u can take into consideration going to therapy and having someone to help you with these feelings that just pop out of nowhere.

All the love and hope you start feeling better <3