I'm Unwell again...

[Mrs Sam]

...which is inconvenient as I have a baby due in 6 weeks and two little boys who need a well mammy. I wish I could just have a really lovely long sleep and wake up well again.

No need for replies. Just sayin'.

[talaiporia]

I'm sorry to hear you're ill again. I don't know if you have pre-natal care from any mental health team (I remember you had some issues with PND before?) but if not, it might be worth trying to see if you can see your GP; it's not something you should have to suffer with, and there are things they can do.

Take care.

[Margo]

Hey Sam. Could this be late pregnancy exhaustion and what ever else you ladies go through that's making you feel like this?

I remember you unwell during a previous pregnancy and look how amazingly you have done - your children are lovely!

I'm crap with lady things but you're stronger and braver than you think

Love Matthew xxx

[Mrs Sam]

I've had depression and anxiety throughout this pregnancy but I recently started therapy again and it's just brought it all back. Mainly ptsd stuff with a dollop of intrusive thoughts regarding self harm etc. It started off as pre natal depression but I think it's really all my old unresolved stuff popping back up. Maybe starting therapy 6 weeks before baby due isn't a wonderful idea but I couldn't really muddle along anymore. I see my midwife extra regularly and gp and on antidepressants and been off sick from work since February so not sure what else I can do.

Next time my therapist is going to teach me some techniques to get me through hospital. I haven't really left the house on my own since February except for a few short trips.

I just feel really quite poorly.

[Eir]

Thinking of you

[squirrelspit]

I wondered how you were doing, you have seemed very absent during this pregnancy.

Don't beat yourself up about starting therapy 6 weeks before, its not like you're going to have the baby and suddenly feel better, you're just preparing yourself good foundations for coping after the birth. :)

[Mrs Sam]

I'm not good enough. My boys deserve what I can't give. It all feels so impossibly difficult. I'm in a bad place right now but how can I tell people? My beautiful sons, another arriving in under 3 weeks yet I'm low. I'm a bad person.

[Mrs Sam]

I've managed to wipe out almost every friendship I have right now. Self sabotage? Two more last night. Good friends as well. They've done nothing but they're sick of my ****. That's fair enough. I'm sick of my **** too.

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs Sam

I've managed to wipe out almost every friendship I have right now. Self sabotage? Two more last night. Good friends as well. They've done nothing but they're sick of my ****. That's fair enough. I'm sick of my **** too.

Sounds like some element of conditioning has kicked in. If you were a bad person you wouldn't care about it. Since you do care about things it means you're a conscientious person. You don't want to hate "yourself" since a persons conditioned behaviour isn't really organic to the person. The "you" you hate is really a "not you". Hating it makes it stronger. Something in your past opened you up to unhealthy stresses etc. and they shaped you in error. After that certain people, places, things events etc can trigger a new rupture. Makes these next weeks a sort of investigation and observe yourself sort of scientifically/objectively. See what comes up and don't get too morbid or give in to despair. Your conditioning will lie to you. It wants to complete itself at your expense

[Amberita]

I want to second Isoverity's suggestion to open up an "investigation" of sorts. And when doing so, be careful how you word your questions, as our brains will set out to prove or solve whatever we ask of it - so whether we ask "why can't I stop my ****?" or "how can I stop my ****?", what you'll discover will be very different!
Take good care!

[random.swirls]

How are things now Sam a lamb