relief?

[beautifullybroken89]

i dont think this is triggering but everyone is different, so please stay safe!

as some of you know i was free for a lil over 4yrs before i slipped up last week. for some reason, since then, i have felt a sort of sense of relief, like permission to return back to SI if i really cant cope any other way. of course it is just a last resort and i am making it a point to not turn right to SI as soon as i start to hurt, because then i'll go back to being as addicted as i was 4yrs ago, and i dont want to go thru that again. but its almost like a relief that i finally blew it, like i dont need to fight the urges as hard as i used to. i dont know, i have so many emotions i dont really understand them.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I understand hun, its like now you've broken your "promise"/"rule" you feel like you can do it now without having to argue with yourself etc etc.
I had that with my ED.

I know its hard, but please try and fight, you dont deserve to go through this all over again.
Next time you feel you want to cut, write down a list of good things that have happened because you stopped cutting? and then write a list of good things that will happen when you were cutting regulary?
Your'll see that the list of good things that happened when you werent cutting is bigger/better.
Distraction is the best hun.

Take care

xx <3 helen