I'm looking into private ED therapy because I'm getting close to using very dangerous methods of weight loss. In addition to the stuff i was already doing which also isn't great. And I'm a bit scared.
It seems expensive though. I'll probably be on the nhs waiting list for a lot longer. I was lucky and surprised to even be referred in the first place. She said they weren't even referring people because the waiting list is so long. Which is why i think I'll be waiting much longer.
I don't want to get into a deeper hole. Or get that ill again.
Especially now I'm back at work.
Anyway. I'm not really sure what to look for.
It all looks expensive.
Would cbt from a local counsellor work?
Does it have to be specific ED therapy?
Should i go back to my gp? What would i say?
Idk
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I was incredibly lucky to have access to private treatment, which absolutely saved my life. It is expensive, but I think there are providers that might be able to offer fortnightly or monthly appointments - not ideal but better than nothing while you're waiting. I would definitely say check if they're HAES aligned - the first time I tried private ED therapy in 2015, the person I went to wasn't and it was, um, unhelpful.
Lots of places offer remote sessions too so you wouldn't necessarily have to find someone in your area. It might be worth going back to your GP for a private referral (if that's what you decide)/to check where you are on the NHS waiting list. It's such a shitty situation in this country at the moment, and it's not fair, but if there is a possibility of getting specialist support privately it's definitely worth it. And yes, it is important to get someone who has experience with EDs - not all professionals are very good with them (as I think you've experienced).
I really hope that you are offered support with this soon, you're in a really difficult position with it, and the fact that you're recognising it and trying so hard is really amazing.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I think I'll probably ask to speak to the gp that referred me to ED services in the first place. She's very good and is more likely to take me seriously.
Thank you.
I'm just terrified of getting as ill as i was before.
But part of me feels like I've 'failed' because I'm NOT that ill. Which is very stupid
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Maybe go in with an idea of the kind of support that you think would be helpful while you're on the waiting list - like, maybe she could check in with you every few weeks, or she might know of providers that are more affordable?
And it's not stupid. You don't need to appear or feel physically ill to be Actually Ill, and it's literally a symptom that you kinda maybe a little bit want to be ill. It's OK. <3
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Good plan.
She probably would call to check in every once in a while if i asked
There is a local ED charity that she recommended (local as in not close but in the county) but even they aren't taking referrals for any kind of support right now.
I would talk to my cpn but all she does is have a go at me because of my blood results. She didn't actually care when there was no 'evidence'
So she's not overly helpful!
You DEFINITELY want someone who specialises and is knowledgeable about EDs. You don't want just anyone. Also agree with GP. Most of the time private therapists, especially those who work with EDs will want you to be monitored by a medical human.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Beckie, just a thought….can you speak to your CPN and ask her to liaise with SS. I wonder whether 117 might provide funding for private therapy since it is to fund ‘needs that arise from your mental health’ and to ensure you remain well. If ED services can’t provide that, then theoretically it could be applied to fund private therapy….
Last edited by Pomegranate : 17-05-2022 at 10:32 PM.
No problem. She might not be sure how to go about it, but it is worth asking her to ask the mental health act office, even if she says she doesn’t think it is a thing so she can check! I know we have used 117 to get private doulas and night nanny’s etc put in because the NHS provision was not existent so it IS possible to use it for private funded things, but I do not know whether they will say because there is technically an ED service that you can’t go private. I definitely think it is worth asking the question though (or asking an advocate to- I know you don’t feel you can ask your mum re ED things)
I am not saying they WILL agree to it (so do not get your hopes up) but I definitely think it is worth asking about because theoretically it COULD be applied that way. But each local authority has a different policy around how they apply 117 funding etc.
Thanks so much Emma!
My cpn probably won't know what I'm talking about. She can be a bit....slow? Sometimes.
But if she doesn't get it, i could ask her to ask someone else about it!
I just really don't want this ED shiz to get worse than it is
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
It might be worth letting her know how urgently you need support with this. I know she talks about your sodium levels, would there be a way to kind of segue into what nearly happened in hospital and how beneficial seeing a specialist would be? Even if not therapy (I'm a broken record) then a specialist dietitian? I know your old psych and various others have dismissed it but *hopefully* with the last few months in mind people might be more open to the idea? Could the GP you trust have a word too?
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Spoke to cpn.
She told me to eat healthy and exercise *thumbs up emoji*
And then went on about how she's doing x and not losing weight.
At least I have that gp appointment in a couple of weeks.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I really hope your GP can get some sense into her - you have anorexia. You don't need weight loss tips. You don't need to commiserate with the professionals in your life about their ill-informed attempts at weight loss. You nearly went into organ failure because of your eating disorder. I know writing things down is a tired suggestion, but I can also imagine how difficult it is to stand up for yourself when someone who is supposed to understand is being so ****ing dense - would sitting down and writing all your concerns out (and any support that might be helpful while you're on the waiting list) be something you can do? This is not good enough and they're risking your health because they're looking for a single (really quite rare) physical symptom of a mental illness.
Ugh. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
(Sorry if I was too blunt or triggering, please let me know if I was and I'll edit it out. I just thought your ED might have decided to take you down the 'not ill enough' road again after that conversation)
Last edited by Elmer : 24-05-2022 at 11:16 AM.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Thanks Lio
It really helps that you don't think I'm just being stubborn or ungrateful for being frustrated with cpn.
Writing things down is a good idea.
I'll do that for my gp appointment.
I think my gp will be more helpful. She usually is. Though tbh I don't know what would be helpful.
Being told to eat healthy and exercise isn't that helpful though
The ED has definitely taken me down the 'not ill enough' route.
It's weird though because I feel like I want to be more ill because it would feel like I'm 'succeeding' but also don't want to be ill because feeling that **** and nearly dying wasn't fun.
Sorry. I rambled on a bit there.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
