Had a rough night last night. Thought I was done for a couple of months but it's decided to hit me again while I was talking to my boyfriend. His best fiend of seven years was upset and he offered her to stay at his house for a week if she wanted, why don't I ever get that support? I cracked and stared at the pins next to my bed for a while. I tried to get in touch with my friend from Uni who knows about this, he was too busy sleeping, he actually woke up to me begging but he didn't have a care in the world. My boyfriend was also asleep when I tried calling him. I came close, but resisted cutting. But I just don't know what to do anymore, I just want to die.. No one cares. And then they pretend to care when you're gone, but it's too late. Is that the extent I have to go to in order to be noticed?
First of all, good job on resisting the urge to hurt yourself!
I've thought like that before, but trust me they care more than you think. If you went to those extents, it would shake their world to the core. Try talking to your boyfriend about all of this. Communication is key.
maybe your boyfriend feels like he is already giving you the support that he can without getting to a point where he is hurting himself? he may feel like he is supporting you long term already, which can be very tiring for anyone, and staying with her for the week would be something to do once and be done with.
if you woke your friend up while he was sleeping, it is possible that he didn't wake up all the way. people can kind of become semi consious and verbally respond while still being mostly asleep. which just means that he was in really deep sleep, not that he doesn't care about you.
i'm glad that you resisted harming. that clearly took alot of work, and it is great that you made the effort :) keep it up
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
He was half asleep, yet I was begging him over text. I haven't heard one word from him today.. It was pretty obvious I was upset, but still no word. I'm scared to tell my bf what i did not long ago, plus him comforting his friend set me off. It just makes me look like a pathetic, jealous and attention seeking girlfriend. It's also his birthday in a week. So im stuck. I really believe that people don't give a ****, even my boyrfriend. He knows I've done it before, so every time he knows I'm upset, would't he be rushing to my side. That's what anybody would expect from somebody who sais they love you, but hey, noone is going to hold my hand through the night anyway, and that's when I feel the worst. So, im doomed. May as well jump off a bridge.
no, that isn't what anyone would expect. that is what you expect. and honestly, i think it is an unfair expectation in some ways. nobody can always be available to help. it takes way too much energy. it is really tiring to support someone. it is fair to expect him to help, but not that he come running at the drop of a hat.
if he was half asleep... he may not even remember it in the morning! you're concluding that he doesn't care about you when it is highly possible that he didn't realize what was going on. it doesn't matter how urgent your texts were... if he wasn't awake, he couldn't respond properly.
you are right, no one is going to hold your hand through every night. but you aren't doomed. take some responsibility for yourself and your happiness. learn to get through it on your own. learn to comfort and calm yourself. and if it is nighttime and you have an urge, generally the best thing to do is to go to bed and get some sleep.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
