Say here what you can't say to someone/Get something off your chest-new rules post 1 - Page 733

XxXflowerfairyXxX · 09-09-2010, 04:38 PM

J - I thought you were more mature than that. I actually thought we were ok. Obviously not! How dare you move nearly 300 miles away and not even tell me?! This is ridiculous. Just because we aren't together, doesn't mean I don't care about you. I don't even know if I should try to contact you. You've deleted me on Facebook too. I never meant to hurt you... not like that.

S - I feel hypercritical even typing this given the above. But I hate how awkward it is seeing you with her. You clearly aren't happy with her. Let it go.

Lyn · 09-09-2010, 04:55 PM

I hate you. I fucking, fucking hate you. Leave me alone. Just fuck off, and leave me alone. I hate you. I can't stand to hear your voice, or see your face. I want to punch you, and when I talk to you I have to try and not start screaming at you.
I fucking hate you. Just leave me alone. You think you can just yell and be a bitch to me, and then be all nice again, don't you? Well, I won't play that game any more. Fuck off.
Can't I just have an hour to myself in one fucking day. One hour where you don't run into my room, without even knoking, talking your usual shit?
That's the problem when the kids get older, because no one's scared anymore. No one listens anymore. So scream all you want. Yell and insult and do whatever you want to do. Throw stuff at me, if you want. I can dodge, I have learned that. Try to hit me, because I am stronger now and you won't stand a chance against me, and I WILL fucking hit you, and push you down, if you try anything. I'm not a little kid anymore. You can't controll me anymore.
You're my sponsor. So I have to keep you happy enough to pay for my stuff, my education. That's all you are.

Alyssa! · 09-09-2010, 05:33 PM

I really want to talk to you, but I can't. There are so many things I need to get outside of me. 27 months of sobriety...I'm feeling ready to throw it away. I need you as my friend to talk me out of it, but I can't tell you about it. How do I get myself in these jams?

Lyn · 09-09-2010, 08:51 PM

I HATE YOU!
One day, at home, with you, and I want to CUT myself. I HATE YOU! You make me sick, and depressed.
They say blood is thicker than water, but you know what? I'd rather live with my friends than in this hell-hole. At least they wouldn't scream and yell and blame the entire day. I'd be able to laugh, and smile. If it weren't for my education that you're paying for, and which I just cannot, cannot, cannot give up, I'd be out of here already.
Half a year, and then I'm out. Oh, I hate you so much. You are the worst. Laura's lucky that she's gone. What do you think made her so depressed and stop working? Coz you make everyone sick. You are like fucking venom, creeping into everyone. I hate you, I hate you so much. You make me sick, you make me all bad again. After one fucking day.
I just want to cry, and scream. You are horrible. In one year. you'll have no one left. Do you get that? NO ONE will be around anymore. And I have to survive one fucking year with your poisiona and hatred.
You make me sick. You make me so fucking sick.
You are fucking bad for me, for my mental health, for my well-being. Just LEAVE ME ALONE! I hate you. I hate you. I JUST FUCKING HATE YOU!
You make me feel like when I was so depressed again. It hurts so much. You are like a shadow, pressing me down, all the time, making everything a shade darker, blacker, more depressing. I just want to get away from you. I need to. You are poisoning me with your presence. You are bad for me. You are so fucking bad for me.

DestroyMe · 09-09-2010, 09:06 PM

I am so tired of people telling me how fucking strong I am to be dealing with such a big thing
I'm not that strong
I'm barely able to get out of BED
I'm barely hang on to anything and I have no strenght LEFT

and they keep telling me, just focus on the happy and be with her
how in the HELL am I supposed to be happy when I don't know how to be happy anymore???

she makes me happy yes,
but I've been emotionally and mentally dead for a long time
there's no reversing it
how am I supposed to be happy and la-de-fucking-da
when I don't even want to get out of bed or talk or see the point in doing anything at all?
I am so TIRED of FAKING the pain that I PRETEND I'm NOT IN!

Buttons. · 09-09-2010, 10:35 PM

Auntie N,
Thank you so, so much. You said the words, the only words I've really needed out of my family in the last 4/5 years. 'I believe you.'

XxXflowerfairyXxX · 09-09-2010, 11:23 PM

You have 36 minutes to text me. Otherwise, you did not text me tomorrow. And you will learn the hard way not to have sex with me then not contact me when you say you will.

BeautyFiend · 09-09-2010, 11:48 PM

you know you're not going to be able to purge when I'm there, right?

Left. · 10-09-2010, 12:19 AM

i want to die.

Darkportrait12 · 10-09-2010, 03:08 AM

Why can't everything just go the way it is supposed to???
I wish you would talk to me so i can try to explain....
If you keep doing this its gonna make me break my promise, it would torture me to have to do that again....

XxXflowerfairyXxX · 10-09-2010, 07:59 AM

What have I done? Don't hurt me now.

DestroyMe · 10-09-2010, 09:40 AM

I love you.
I just thought you should know.

Kimaru · 10-09-2010, 10:17 AM

Its back...oh god why did it have to come back. That hollow feeling in my chest, the feeling that there is only black cold emptiness inside. I just want to cry but I can't anymore, no matter how bad I want it the tears never come.

Starless · 10-09-2010, 10:20 AM

I'm actually doing it.
I'm terrified out of my mind.
But I can look from the outside in and see it's necessary.
Somehow that doesn't seem to make it any easier.

I wish I had just one person I could even just talk to, to trust.
It would make it so much easier.
But even Mckenzie is distant and gone.

I'm trying to challenge the idea that everyone leaves in the end.
I don't want to believe it.
But it keeps proving it's self true.
Perhaps we just don't know.
We can wholeheartedly believe ourselves when we say I love you, You are my world, my everything, my soulmate
But in the end only time will say whether that is infact the truth.
We all find our own answers, sometimes surprising ourselves.
The care, the love, the belief, the devotion, the intermingling of souls.
A phase, never real, or just not as deep as you believe it to be?
I don't believe these ponderings have answers.

Rhapsody · 10-09-2010, 12:48 PM

tell me again your fkd up excuses

Ardea · 10-09-2010, 04:31 PM

you're hurting.
i know i did this to you.
i hurt you.
i should have just shut my mouth.
why do i always have to be such an evil person?

i hate myself! i hate myself so much for hurting you like that! you're the best person in the world for me and to me - and how do i repay you?

god megan you're f***ing useless...

Rhapsody · 10-09-2010, 05:33 PM

and there it goes, the illusion shatters.

lozza · 10-09-2010, 06:52 PM

its not even 4am yet... but yet I am wide awake with only one thing on my mind.

cut. but this time do a bloody good job of it.

I dont like these thoughts. I just wana sleep and be ok.
but I cant. they wont leave.

I think I am scared. but I will smile still... I will always smile.

lawzylaus · 10-09-2010, 07:09 PM

I want to tell you everything, I am trying to tell you everything...but the truth Is that I am so freaking terrified I will live to regret it...thank you for your patience but please stop making it seem like it's not a big deal.

XxXflowerfairyXxX · 10-09-2010, 07:45 PM

Why did I even get myself into this? I'm such a loser. I know how easily I fall. And yet I decided I was like her, that I could be detached. I can't. I'm hurt. You didn't want to hurt me, you made it clear from the start what this was and I even told you that's exactly what I wanted. I don't want to be hurt. But I just can't stop. I can't take myself out of this situation. I need to see where this ends up. I know you're no good for me but maybe you could be.