I've just weighed myself and I'm both mortified by the amount I currently am and the amount I'd have to lose to be healthy, even on the cusp of healthy.
All year I've been trying on and off to eat right and lose weight, but i always feel I'm depriving myself and just give up. The truth is I have to deprive myself some times - instead of constantly indulging in whatever I want.
I don't know if I'm mentally ready, I always say "I need to want to do it" and of course that's true but it's also just an excuse.
I'm thinking of seeing a dietician as that might be a good starting point.
I feel so stuck though, and so ashamed.
Does anyone have any advice on overcoming my mental barriers to eating well and losing weight?
Do you think it would perhaps be helpful to see a dietitian who has expertise in EDs? As I know you have had issues with binge eating in the past. Don't know whether this is still an ongoing issue or not. But they may be able to help you more than just a general dietitian.
Your mental barrier for feeling deprived when trying to lose weight might be related to why you have used binge eating as a method of coping. Like your mind might see certain foods as a comfort and taking them away leaves you feeling deprived emotionally, even though physically you aren't. Just thought I'd put that one out there for you to think about.
I hope that was helpful in some way lovely <3
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Have you heard of intuitive eating? Perhaps read the book (I've read it, it's very good).
Basically it's where you learn to listen to your body's hunger cues regarding food. You eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are comfortably full (not stuffed). No foods are "bad" or off limits (which reduces the chances of binging which can happen when we feel like we're not allowed food) and so you can eat anything you like provided you are hungry and you stop when you are full.
Initially it can be a bit like "oh my god I can eat ice cream for breakfast! I am allowed!" but that will all settle down once you get used to being allowed anything to eat. Over time you settle and listen to your body and you will naturally start eating a balanced diet (because anyone would get sick of eating ice cream for breakfast everyday after a while) and as you know you're allowed to eat anything you want then you can be satisfied knowing if you are hungry for chocolate later you can have it. Unlike being on a diet when you're only "allowed" certain foods and you have to try and spread them out over the day to stave off hunger and then you crave the banned foods etc.
And then as you do this your body will gradually start adjusting its weight. It can temporarily increase at the start, but then should start lowering. Though I think the book points out that weight loss is a secondary benefit of being able to have a healthy, positive relationship with food and a life free of binge eating and being a slave to diets.
It's something I am trying to do. It's hard to shake off the mindset of calories, weight, "good" food, "bad" food etc but I am slowly getting there I think.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Thank you all so much for the responses and the hugs, I appreciate it.
Amy, yes I think one with experience in eating disorders would be helpful as I think my thought processes around food can be very complex, and often like you described, so it would be great if someone understood it is more complicated than usual.
Carmen, it comes up with my psychologist a fair bit in terms of how bad I feel about myself and the severity of those thoughts at times. We've worked on it superficially but never in depth because it's very well rooted in my past and thoughts and behaviours. I guess that's why change is so hard.
Sarah, I feel like I do intuitive eating cause I just eat what ever I feel like now. It's usually a string of junk food. It doesn't help my medication I think makes me feel hunger more often so by listening to it I eat more.
Aimee, this is so tough, I'm so sorry weight is such an issue but before you start thinking about how to lose weight, concentrate on why. Like, this is for the good of your health, not because you will be better if you weigh less. You are a wonderful person whatever you weigh and self loathing will not help you lose weight or feel any better about yourself!
I used to binge eat. I don't anymore. I genuinely had an epiphany one day, and I realised that I had to love myself before I could eat properly. I was drowning my emotions in food. Restricting, binging, restricting, calorie counting, hating myself and my body, but all my behaviour changed when I realised my whole attitude towards my weight had to change first.
I do circuit training - not saying you should circuit train specifically but exercise is so great for mental health(!) - which i love because I watch my body getting stronger all the time. I'm not as thin as I was before I started binging but who the bloody hell cares: I'm probably healthier and I'm definitely stronger.
This is rambly. Sorry.
Intuitive eating, as Sarah mentioned, has been so helpful to me. If I tell myself I am allowed to eat x, y or z, then suddenly it's a lot less appealing. I get urges to binge still but I'm able to remind myself of all the emotions that come with it, which somehow stops me now.
Remember that you need to take it slowly. You can't change everything about your lifestyle in one fell swoop - it's a recipe for disaster. And I'd agree with Amy in that, if you're going to see a dietitian, then do go for one with experience in eating disorders. And it's worth exploring it as much as you can in therapy, too.
At the end of the day, different things work for different people, and sadly there isn't one recipe for success, BUT it's entirely possible.
Remember most of all though that people don't see you as your weight. People see you as your personality, your morals, and your skills and talents.
Sorry this is long and rambly. Hope some of it was of some worth!!!
For you to be here now trillions of drifting atoms had somehow to assemble in an intricate and intriguingly obliging manner to create you. It's an arrangement so specialized and particular that it has never been tried before and will only exist this once. That is of course the miracle of life.
-Bill Bryson
Don't ever frown because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
