Triggering (SI/OD) - Going Back to Work - Help? Ideas?
Hi
I know it might not sound like a lot but I have been off work for 2 weeks. I'm not the kind of person who takes time off when physically ill let alone when mentally ill (which I don't accept that I am anyway). I'm going back because during the 2 weeks I have had off I've overdosed 3 times and constantly cut. Work is the only thing of worth/use in my life and if I don't get back to it then there is no point hanging around.
Anyway, I thought that going back to work and denial would get the crisis team off my back. Unfortunately not. Why the **** won't they leave me alone. Just because I know I am going to keep cutting (and prob OD again), they feel the need to stick their noses in. The problem is though and I have told them this, is I need to try and get back to how my cutting and life was before. If I don't, I will totally lose control and the fact they want to stay involved is a reminder of how weak, pathetic and stupid I am.
In addition, my GP says that he is still keeping a close eye on me with a view to being admitted - I told him that I would not co-operate with such a plan.
Any ideas as to what to tell HR I was off with? My GP gave me an open sick-note without reason but I know they will want a reason. I wish that everybody would just keep out of my life and let the inevitable happen - arrgh!
What does it matter to them if I keep harming myself?
Sorry for the waffle. Just needed to get it off my chest.
A reason why you were sick from work? Gosh well I could come up with about a million, tho I guess since i dont know you I dont know which would be believable. You could say you had flu, that lasts ages, or you could say you came into contact with someone who had something really contagious and had to be quarantined for 2 weeks in case you had it and passed it on. You could say you were off with stress as you had to take care of a family member who was ill or you could say (depending on what your job is) that you sprained an appropriate body part that would allow a couple of weeks off work and go back with a bandage for another week or so?
Anyhow, as far as the crisis team goes, they are just trying to help, I know you might not want them to but say they all just thought '**** it we cant be bothered to help any more', that isnt exactly what they are there for. They cant just give up on someone, the best way to get them to leave you alone is for you to try and get back to normal with work like you said and show them that you are doing better, thats the only way they will stop bothering you!
Good luck.xx
My clients were fine with it when I told them that I was having a problem with my hands shaking because of a medication i have to take for a chronic condition and that my meds were being stablized. That was the truth but not the whole truth. I find that's the best way to lie, tell the truth but just selected bits of it.
The crisis team is looking for ways to help you.
Wishing you the best.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
i don't think you have to tell your work's HR office anything
it's private and confidential health information - as long as they have the official paperwork from your doctor stating that you needed a medical leave and that you are okay to return to work, everything is authorized and your work has everything they need. if they ask private questions about exactly what happened and what was wrong with you, you don't need to answer unless they want to. any questions they have, as far as further paperwork or authorizations or questions can be directed to the doctor who signed your papers i think. this all falls into that doctor-patient confidentiality thing.
i hope you are doing better
to answer your question, they care that you keep cutting yourself because it is a sign of distress and they want to help you. you can't help somebody who isn't willing though, so i hope that they aren't being intrusive and causing more harm than good. please consider their offers of help though, and maybe keep in mind that it can all go at your pace and that it is your life so you can be the one in control of it and of how your help/treatment goes. help is a precious thing and too often when people ask for it, it doesn't come right away or quick enough. you deserve to be able to feel better, we all do.
please look after yourself
i hope you are okay
xxxooo
callie
I'm currently sat here hoping that I will be able to sleep at somepoint tonight as sleep hasn't been great recently. I feel so pathetic and nervous about going back and ended up cutting as a result.
Have called Crisis team in response to one of their many messages they left while I was away this weekend and hopefully sounded positive enough. I am so sick of them trying to stop me.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
i hope you get some sleep - it's hard when you are so anxious. you aren't pathetic at all by the way. it's natural to feel anxious about going back to work. i hope you looked after your cut - remember to take care of yourself hun!
just playing devil's advocate i guess, but did the cutting really help though, i wonder? do you feel less nervous or anything? i've found often that i have convinced myself that cutting makes me feel better, when it really only does for a little bit and that once the endorphins are gone i feel the same and have resolved nothing. maybe just think about it for the future if you feel like cutting again? try and look back and see if it actually did you any good?
about Crisis Team, it sounds like they care at least, which is nice. it's not good that they are frustrating you and you certainly don't need any extra stress, but you might think about giving them a chance at least. maybe they aren't trying to stop you SIing so much as help you feel better and come up with better coping skills? it seems like you have felt pretty low lately, and you deserve to feel better. maybe think about giving them a chance? you can certainly stop when you want at any time if it makes things worse, but at least then you would know.
be safe and look after yourself - let us know how you get on back at work!
xxxooo
callie
You are not a failure. I am sure there are lots of things you have accomplished, be they large or small. Sometimes, just getting from day to day is an accomplishment. And as for work, i'm sure it is very scary going back. Sometimes we think about things to much and our minds get the better of us. Don't let that get you down though. You can try again tomorrow. Try and talk to someone to take you mind off everything for a while.
Good luck with everything, you can do it!
meg
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
OKAY
time to get down to business here:
1.) YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! that is so not true!!!
2.) YOU ARE ALSO NOT GOING TO END THIS NOW!!! you have a lot to live for and loads of people pulling for you! you are going to get well and when you are ready you are going to go back to work and you will be really proud of yourself and that is one thing you are working for. that is a purpose.
please calm down, have some tea or something (that is what i would do so for some reason i am forever telling people to drink tea and i dont know why), and THEN YOU ARE GOING TO CALL YOUR CRISIS TEAM
call them right now and that's an order!
okay it isnt an ORDER persay but it is a ver good suggestion. call them, call a friend, just call somebody
i have a feeling you haven't wanted to admit it to yourself, but honey you are ill right now and this is why crisis team has been bugging the hell out of you with phone calls and leaving messages. they can see that you need help and they were trying to get the ball rolling. look at how you felt today - you felt total crap and were really low. that is not okay - you dont deserve to feel like that. this can be a really great turning point for you! call your crisis team and please tell them how you are feeling and get some help.
if you are feeling really desperate and awful, go straight to a+e or call 999 or something. you are going to beat this!
Thanks for your support. Sorry to be such a whiner.
Anyway, I ignored a voicemail from HR yesterday (I had emailed them to tell them that I wasn't going to be in). Today, I had an email asking for me to speak to them as they are concerned due to the length of time off and would like to "support me". Like **** they do. They just want to be nosey and are bothered because I am not at work fee-earning for the firm. Can you imagine what they would say if I told them that I sh and that recently it has gotten a little out of hand to the point where I have been hospitalised for ODing and have OD 3 times past 3 weeks oh and yeah, I am still fighting the urge to do it yet again. I'm sure they'd be real supportive - not.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
hey maybe they are sorta concerned?
you can just call and be really brief if you want
or you can ignore it, up to you
i hope you have considered talking to crisis team?
talked to somebody.
and you arent a whiner
have you seen my insane rant thread? if you want to see whining look no further! anyway it's what RYL is for so whine away! it makes you feel better to vent sometimes.
