for instance, this thread.
i cannot see how this is productive in the slightest. How does this help someone recover?
It also seems like almost glamourising.
I was going to post report several threads (more than the links), but then thought, this might be easier. I cannot for the, well, I cannot see how 'some' threads in the forum are constructive or helpful.
I personally do not find them triggering, more almost distasteful, the feeling I get from that forum is of feeling like part of this 'cult' or it almost being cool for standing out & doing something slightly different.
I've been trying to word this well & been thinking about it for a few days, it's a forum i've never really posted in & to be honest, i suppose the only time i would is if i thought i could word my reply so i was showing off.
it seems one of the most competitive forums (bar ed which i've never looked it, going by what i know of ed's), discussions of who started earlier or who has the most words & wether you can still see the scars.
to me that forum reminds me of kids behind the bike shed at school showing off about smoking.
i know we don't allow photos, but i can almost see the people in the forum together, rolling their sleeves up going "look at this word" or trying to speak the loudest over some elses sob story, trying to be seen as the one who hurt themselves the longest.
I completely agree. I thought it was just me. But the forum is also SI Discussion, so I suppose it sort of fits there.
In a similar vein, there has recently been loads of threads in Reviews for songs/films/books/other media about self-harm/suicide/abuse/other things. Maybe it's just me, but I dislike these as well. I'm not saying these should be deleted or banned, just you know, looked at.
Last edited by The One Who : 17-08-2010 at 03:57 PM.
In a similar vein, there has recently been loads of threads in Reviews for songs/films/books/other media about self-harm/suicide/abuse/other things. Maybe it's just me, but I dislike these as well. I'm not saying these should be deleted or banned, just
This Irks me the most & the 'stories'.
I can understand in si discussion some toics, such as "how to tell your mother/father/brother/lover/friend with benefits etc"
but how & when you started, i'd like for someone to tell me what POSITIVE THING they got out of that discussion.
I think the point in threads like that are to talk about something no one's ever asked you about, so you can get it out of you and just say for once this is why and this is when i started, or to see if there is someone who does the same as you out there, so you don't feel so alone... Sorry if you don't like this reply, but thats my opinion on this matter...
"Wish that I could cry,
Fall apon my knees,
Find a way to lie,
About the home I'll never see"
Superman by Five For Fighting
If it's for self understanding and then being able to grow and move on from in recovery, it's cool.
But there's a fine line, isn't there, in some cases?
I guess it's just about curiosity for the most part. Like the SI/ED films, I've been interested in watching them to see how the particular issue is portrayed and hope it might help me learn a bit more about myself etc.
And the whole 'When/how/whatever else' threads, I can understand why it would bother certain people, but you don't necessarily have to look at the thread, maybe some people just want to get certain things off their chest, such as what age they were when they started or how they discovered it, but may feel like they can't tell anyone that information in real life. So I see where you're coming from, but it may not always be 100% negative.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Is being on a self-harm forum not enough to know that you aren't 'alone'? I think these threads somewhat normalise self-harm, which is something that I am not comfortable with at all.
Is being on a self-harm forum not enough to know that you aren't 'alone'? I think these threads somewhat normalise self-harm, which is something that I am not comfortable with at all.
Claire said what I was going to say. I think RYL normalises a lot of things that aren't normal or healthy behaviours, and that can be dangerous in itself. I understand some people find it helpful that others are going through the same things, but at the same time, yes, some of it can go a bit too far.
(I don't feel I'm making my point right, I apologise if it comes off not the way I intended.)
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
The carving words thread I think was made so the person who posted could see if anyone else did that so they don't feel alone in what they do. And yes being part of a self harm forum does make you feel less alone but just joining a website doesn't make all the feelings go away. Especially if you are doing something such as carving words and you don't know if you are the only one doing such things. The poster was perhaps looking for someone who understands this notion? Seeing as carving words isn't the exact same as cutting.
The how and when thread I think helps people talk about it. When and how it all started for them.
And same for the why thread, it helps them talk about it with people who understand.
The impulsive/premedative thread again, the person who posted may have wanted to know if there was anyone else who did that, who could understand those feelings and thoughts, etc.
So yes, I do see how they help people.
They are merely questions asked in the right place, for support or to let it out or it may even just comfort some people to know they're not the only one doing it this way and that way.
I don't see the problem with it.
The carving words thread I think was made so the person who posted could see if anyone else did that so they don't feel alone in what they do. And yes being part of a self harm forum does make you feel less alone but just joining a website doesn't make all the feelings go away. Especially if you are doing something such as carving words and you don't know if you are the only one doing such things. The poster was perhaps looking for someone who understands this notion? Seeing as carving words isn't the exact same as cutting.
The how and when thread I think helps people talk about it. When and how it all started for them.
And same for the why thread, it helps them talk about it with people who understand.
The impulsive/premedative thread again, the person who posted may have wanted to know if there was anyone else who did that, who could understand those feelings and thoughts, etc.
So yes, I do see how they help people.
They are merely questions asked in the right place, for support or to let it out or it may even just comfort some people to know they're not the only one doing it this way and that way.
I don't see the problem with it.
Basically this. Yes, people come on a self harm forum so that they're not alone, but really, it's not a full substitute. The same feelings are there. Certain behaviours within the curtain of self harm can make a person feel alone in each particular behaviour. Take for example, the carving words discussion. The OP felt that they may be the only person to do this, but with so many replies, felt less alone and more able to open up about it.
On the other hand I think the threads can get a bit too much elaborative. Saying "Yes, I have carved various words into myself at times" is one thing, but saying "Yes, I have carved X, Y and Z into my A, B and C and mostly they were shallow but sometimes they were deep" is too much. It's unnecessary. It's almost glamorising and comparative. Which is why I'll take part in discussions but never go into the detail of it, instead offering a more supportive "I've done the same, if you'd like to talk about the feelings behind this behaviour, feel free to PM me" type post.
I think some of the SI stuff is quite contradicting, like on one hand we're encouraging people to seek help, yet we have threads about keeping scars and cut hidden, so enabling people to keep it secret (which is not the way to properly recover for a lot of people).
I guess maybe those are just other examples of things that possibly contradict.
While these are contradictions, they're not necessarily encouraging people not to seek help. Even if a person has sought help and their friends/family do know, they still may not want fresh cuts visible. Or, more often, won't want them visible to strangers/friends/people who don't know and may stare or ask rude questions. So this, to me, is still "recovery-oriented" in that it's based in not allowing the general public/other people to make people feel worse than they already do--weird, disgusting, isolated, etc.
i suppose the simplest thing to say is what do you mean by helpful? some people will find it helpful to talk about SI and others wont. i can understand how it may be seen as normalising SI, but i also know others will see that as a safe or comforting atmosphere. if you ask me it will all depend upon what you want from the forum. i dont want this to be taken the wrong way, but most of the people in the SI forum are the youngest members on the site, and really as a teenager your mostly just looking for acceptance, not recovery. i dont believe however that that makes the SI forum useless, as people will most likely have underlying problems that lead them to SI, which if they feel safe, they might talk about on other parts of the site.
what is it that you want from the SI forum? how would you change it?
i suppose the simplest thing to say is what do you mean by helpful? some people will find it helpful to talk about SI and others wont. i can understand how it may be seen as normalising SI, but i also know others will see that as a safe or comforting atmosphere. if you ask me it will all depend upon what you want from the forum. i dont want this to be taken the wrong way, but most of the people in the SI forum are the youngest members on the site, and really as a teenager your mostly just looking for acceptance, not recovery. i dont believe however that that makes the SI forum useless, as people will most likely have underlying problems that lead them to SI, which if they feel safe, they might talk about on other parts of the site.
what is it that you want from the SI forum? how would you change it?
I agree.
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
I understand where you are coming from but at the same time i think threads like carving words etc people don't have the chance even in therapy goods to talk about details like that,yes we can talk about the emotions but sometimes talking about certain details helps. Your saying about covering up/hiding being contradictory but we can't discuss certain other elements. I understand why the rules exist here but sometimes your just dying to talk about the how/why/wheres to someone, anyone, not as a show off thing but because there is no one you can tell.
To be honest those threads don't bother me either way, i haven't taken part in them but i do understand why someone might start them.
i suppose the simplest thing to say is what do you mean by helpful? some people will find it helpful to talk about SI and others wont. i can understand how it may be seen as normalising SI, but i also know others will see that as a safe or comforting atmosphere. if you ask me it will all depend upon what you want from the forum. i dont want this to be taken the wrong way, but most of the people in the SI forum are the youngest members on the site, and really as a teenager your mostly just looking for acceptance, not recovery. i dont believe however that that makes the SI forum useless, as people will most likely have underlying problems that lead them to SI, which if they feel safe, they might talk about on other parts of the site.
what is it that you want from the SI forum? how would you change it?
Pretty much this!
As one of the people commenting in the SI forum fairly frequently, I do find it helpful to talk in these sort of threads. It's merely a way of knowing that I'm not alone in certain behaviours- and a lot of the time just getting everything off my chest!
I think anyone going into the SI forum expects there to be threads of this nature, but what would you like it to be?
I would have thought being on a self-harm forum that acceptance was implicit. We are all here because at some point we have self-harmed.
Yes, it's nice to know that others are going through the same things and maybe even doing the same actions, but at the same time we need to remember that none of this is normal. And it certainly shouldn't be seen as that. That is my main problem, really. These threads do almost glamourise self-harm, and that does not sit right with me.
I disagree that these threads try and normalize or glamorize SI... Everyone here is here for the same reason, help, which means we know our SI is wrong, and not normal. Sometimes it just helps tho to know your not the only one struggling with a certain thing, and that if another person who does what your doing can put in the effort to recover, you can too... If it's possible for them, it gives you some hope that it's possible for you.
Sorry. If that sounded at all mean, or offensive to anyone, I didn't mean it that way. =)
"Wish that I could cry,
Fall apon my knees,
Find a way to lie,
About the home I'll never see"
Superman by Five For Fighting
